When I first saw Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved on Xbox Live Arcade, I immediately knew I was going to be terrible at the game. So I didn't play it for a long time. Then, I did. And I did do terribly for a while. But eventually I got pretty good, not a million points good, but my high score hovered around 900,000. I started spending hour after hour playing the game, figuring out the easiest way to kill each enemy, trying the "go in circles!" technique (clock-wise and counter clock-wise (I really don't think it makes a difference)), trying to get the highest score possible. I would put on A Tribe Called Quest's 'Midnight Marauders' album and go to town for hours on end.
Next thing I know, E3 '08 rolls around, and there's finally news about Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2. New game modes? Alright, could be cool. New weapons? I can dig. New enemies? Shit. The old ones were challenging enough! The four-man multiplayer looked attractive, but I felt like it could get too easy with four times the bullets.
So the day finally arrived. Went to the bank to make a deposit, then Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2 was finally in my grasp. So after making the 800 Microsoft point, $10 real money fee, which aggravatingly enough isn't an option when buying Microsoft points (don't even get me started on Microsoft points), forcing you to actually spend $12.50 instead of just $10, I got to hit that precious 'Play Game' button. Needless to say, I jumped right into single player mode.
I was quite surprised to find out that it was necessary to play through each mode in order to unlock the others. It kinda sucked; at that point, I didn't care about any other modes in the least, I just wanted to see how much better Evolved looked and felt and played and sounded and was. Nope! But at least it doesn't take long. Gotta start out with Deadline, followed by King, and THEN you can play Evolved, which comes before the other three, Pacifism, Waves, and Sequence (we'll get to those later). So I rushed through the other modes as quickly as I possibly could 'til I could play Evolved, only to be seriously disappointed.
I guess this is as good a time as any to bring up how the Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2 is different in general from Retro Evolved original. First of all, the scoring system is different. After killing an enemy, you're rewarded with little green crystals called Geoms, which let you control your multiplier to an extent. These crystals stay essentially where you killed the enemy, but if you get close enough to them, they float toward you and you pick them up. Gathering these Geoms raises your multiplier, which is quite important to the fundamental gameplay. (You also don't lose your multiplier when you die). In Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved, your multiplier would increase every time you hit a certain amount of points since your last increase. The introduction of Geoms brings about some notable points: 1. This is a much higher scoring game than the previous iteration; you'll find yourself at 1 million points rather quickly. This is directly due to the Geoms. Each enemy drops at least one Geom, with most dropping two or three, so when you're spraying through groups of tens of enemies, it's easy to unknowingly have a multiplier of a few hundred. 2. Geoms create a trade-off situation (remember economics?): Either focus on raising your multiplier by killing individual enemies and moving to where they used to be, or kill groups of enemies in order to survive (and disregard the multiplier) if you don't want to get neon-colored blood on your hands (geometric shapes are people too!). 3. Remember how much it sucked to use a bomb, knowing you'd be wasting all those points? Now, when you use a bomb, all the Geoms from the enemies stay there, but they're scattered across the screen, so you can only get a certain amount before they disappear (which they do after about four seconds). As far as the score goes, if you're not into the higher scoring flavor of this game, just drop the number furthest right, and it seems like it should be pretty equal to what you'd have in Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved.
Geometry Wars has always been about intense, neon colors, but I think they've finally pushed it too far. The colors in this game will make your eyes seriously burn. Enemies explode in a burst of color that trounces the old game's bursts. Not only that, but the color of the explosion is random, instead of coordinating with the color of the enemy like before. Sometimes it's so bad you can't see where anything is, once in a while even your ship. Stray enemies that get caught in the middle of a color explosion are essentially invisible, and it's much easier to run into them without even knowing they're there. Often times it's so bright and colorful, you literally get disoriented and have to reacquaint yourself with what's going on. The worst is when you pop a black hole, the things that suck up other enemies; prepare to be flash-banged when you kill one of those. All in all it makes gameplay less enjoyable and much harder.
One problem they seemed to address in this version is when enemies spawn on top of you, instantly killing you. In Evolved 2, they take about a second longer to spawn, giving you time to avoid them adequately. That being said, I have to gripe about where the enemies typically spawn this time around. Previously, many of the enemies would come out in large numbers from the corners of the screen/grid. This time, they seem to appear much more randomly, and scarcely come in groups from the corner. This gives you much less of an advantage (no circles this time around) because most of the old techniques for killing large groups of these guys go out the window, leaving you scrambling to shoot the ones all around you.
As far as the enemies go, they've revamped the old ones, and added a few more in there to kill you dead quicker. The spinning purple fans are the same, the green squares seem faster and more aggressive, the pink squares are kinda pink cubes now (though they seem a bit more tame than before), and the blue diamonds sometimes come in much larger groups than previously. The snakes are pretty much the same, too, but they give you a bunch of Geoms when you kill 'em. They've added a an enemy that consists of two 2-D squares connected, which flips end over end really slowly and isn't much more dangerous than the purple fans. They've also added yellow arrowheads that start at one end of the screen and shoot to the other, often times coming in rows that may be as tall as the grid itself. Another new bastard enemy is a group of little blue circles surrounding a red, commander circle that, when taken out, kills the blue circles. The black holes have more sucking power, and as stated before, cause severe vertigo when they explode if they've pulled in more than a couple enemies. Another enemy they've added that sorta hovers around the grid are what I'm going to call "Gate Bombs." These floaters are dumb-bell shaped, and if you hit the sides of them, you die. If you go through the middle of it, it blows up within a decent radius. Once you learn how to use these, they become infinitely helpful, providing a quick and efficient way to kill multiple enemies while on the move. However, it's a double-edged sword, because setting one of these off will piss all the other enemies off, and send them flying at you with increased speed.
There are good points about this game, too. The grid itself looks much cooler than before, and is only noticeable when you're shooting, moving around, or when something explodes. The grid effects look cooler too, like when you set off a bomb, gravity just goes nuts, pulling itself in every which way, much to the pleasure of your eyes. The graphics in Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2 trounce the previous version by leaps and bounds. They've done an extremely fine job making the explosions look vivid and saturated and detailed, no matter how much I complain about it during gameplay.
Multiplayer is, as expected, fun. You can play with up to four people, and you can play cooperatively with them, or you can vs. them. The screen zooms out when two players travel too far away from each other, which is a little disorienting at first, but you adapt. You better adapt... anyway, the only time I've found any power-ups, in the form of weapons, shields, and speed increases, is in multiplayer. The problem is, they come in the form of a color-changing star, so if you're in the middle of battling a bunch of enemies, it kinda looks like one, which isn't exactly inviting. If one player dies in a vs. round, the other is left to fend for his/herself, unless it's a game mode that only gives you one life to begin with, in which case, if one player dies, the game ends.
I've concluded that the new modes exist mostly to develop one's skills in order to play Evolved better. That's not to say that they're not fun though.
Deadline - This is Geometry Wars for noobs. You get 3 minutes and unlimited lives to rack your score up as high as possible. It's not very fun because it provides basically no challenge, but you've gotta start somewhere I suppose, and the fact that in this game there actually is a place for noobs to start will make the game much less frustrating for a lot of people.
King - Kind of a modified version of King of the Hill, where you can only shoot from inside the provided blue circles. You're only given one life. Upon entering the circles, they turn green. Once you've been in the circle for a set amount of time, it turns red and starts to shrink to nothing. Obviously you have to switch circles at this point, given that there are at least 3 on the screen at any given time. Enemies can't enter the circle, but they can gather up all around it. Luckily, in King the Geoms seem to last a bit longer than normal. There's a cool effect when you're outside of the circles, the music sounds faded and muffled, which adds to the experience. This mode is surprisingly fun, and probably helps increase your accuracy.
Evolved - I think I'm actually disappointed at Evolved 2 when compared to the first, but at the same time, it's new and it's different, so it can't be too bad. It's more hectic, explosive, colorful and crazy than the first, kind of like Retro Evolved 1 on acid. This is the main part of the game; the only limiting factor is your skill level. You start out with 4 lives and 3 bombs, and then the enemies start appearing. One huge complaint I have is that in single player there aren't weapon upgrades anymore. Used to be, every 10,000 you got would change your gun, but I haven't reached any score yet in Evolved 2 that changed my gun. That's basically it. Not necessarily the most fun of the modes included, but certainly the biggest and most in-depth.
Pacifism - You know, I dabbled in pacifism once, myself. Big Lebowski references aside, this is probably by far the most fun and addicting of the games in Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2. It's based on an achievement in the original for which you have to avoid all enemies for thirty seconds without shooting. They've modified it to where you can't shoot at all, but they give you Gate Bombs, so the point of the game is to get the enemies to follow you to the Gate Bombs, then explode as many as possible at once. Again, you're only given one life. I can't stress enough how addicting this game-type is. I can see people getting super good at this.
Waves - This mode is completely new, due to it being almost completely based on the new arrowhead enemy. They start out coming at you in small waves that increase in size until a full wall of arrowheads is shooting straight toward you. Once more, you only have one life to live. I can't describe how startling it is to see an unexpected wall of arrows shooting straight toward you. Before you get used to it, it equals certain death. Waves isn't overly fun, and is usually more frustrating than enjoyable. Not as lame as Deadline, though.
Sequence - Last of the new modes, Sequence consists of 20 challenges. You go in chronological order, and you have to complete each challenge in 30 seconds or less. You have 4 lives. This mode is extremely hard past the third challenge, and if you die in a challenge, you immediately move on to the next. If you run out of lives you don't get to play the rest of the challenges. This one really motivates you to get better, and helps you avoid enemies, as well as learn to take on huge amounts of them.
I think Evolved is finally a fitting term for this game, because compared to the previous version, this is like a completely new game. I have some very big complaints about the game this time around, but there's only so long I can be negative about it. Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2 almost feels strangely temporary, probably due to its multiple game modes compared to the previous iteration, making it seem like the Evolved mode isn't actually its own game. However, it's great that through the new game modes newer players have a place to train and get better, rather'n diving right into Evolved mode, naked, hungry, and scared. Also, the fact that you can pretty much control your multiplier now is a huge advantage that wasn't around in the old game. The addition of these Geoms is really growing on me. The game doesn't feel like a sequel, but more like an addition to an existing franchise. It improves upon the original in many ways, but for reasons unknown they changed a few of the best gameplay aspects of the game in removing power-ups from Evolved, making it (sometimes) too colorful, and making enemy attacks more random, allowing less room for technique. Thank God I'm finally done ranting; Midnight Marauders is waiting for me.
5/7
7.30.2008
Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! (S03E01)
Absurdity virtuosos Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim have returned to bless the world with Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! season 3. If you've never seen this show before, it revolves around the two titular characters: Tim and Eric. Together, they combine to make an awesome show, and do a great job at it. Their humor is certainly not for everybody, but if you're goofy enough, you can bring yourself to enjoy it. That said, I don't want you to have any preconceptions if you haven't seen it, so just go watch it.
The first episode of season three starts out with Eric, dressed completely in black, recounting the events that led up to Tim's funeral in the season two finale. He remembers the events as he smokes a cig, and hops up onto a random grave before remembering some more stuff that happened. He walks to Tim's grave, lays down a flower, and pleads with the heavens to bring Tim back. Sounds pretty dramatic, right? Well, that's about as serious as it's gonna get. Consequently, a beam of light shines down from the sky, and upon dissipating, a glowing humanoid form remains. While Tim's body takes an increasingly long time to manifest, Eric begins to get distracted, checking his watch, and even running an errand before Tim is fully human. After an abrupt finish, and a casual "Alright, let's go," David Liebe Hart comes down from the sky in a show of light and enthusiastically introduces the third season.
Pulling out the weird before the theme song even ends, the trademark "Great Job!" is screamed by some Indian-looking man on a carpet, which subsequently turns into a Tim and Eric cut-up-and-spliced-back-together song. They also reach new heights of disgustingness with Dick Dousche's Penile Douche. Don't even ask. Doctor Steve Brule, man of many outlets, is thankfully back in the first episode of this season, and hopefully will be back for quite a few because he's one of the biggest sources of humor in the show. John C. Reilly perfectly captures the clueless, awkward newscaster character, and can make you laugh with just a blank stare.
This episode is a lot stranger than most, though that's not saying much since they're all pretty weird. But this episode contains weird stuff that at times would make most people never wanna watch the show again. And I'm okay with that! I enjoyed the whole episode, even the strange parts, because that's part of the reason I watch Tim and Eric. The Tiny Tigers thing is kind of a dumb concept, but Tim and Eric can make anything funny if you know the show well enough. So overall it was good, but not one of the best episodes.
4/7
The first episode of season three starts out with Eric, dressed completely in black, recounting the events that led up to Tim's funeral in the season two finale. He remembers the events as he smokes a cig, and hops up onto a random grave before remembering some more stuff that happened. He walks to Tim's grave, lays down a flower, and pleads with the heavens to bring Tim back. Sounds pretty dramatic, right? Well, that's about as serious as it's gonna get. Consequently, a beam of light shines down from the sky, and upon dissipating, a glowing humanoid form remains. While Tim's body takes an increasingly long time to manifest, Eric begins to get distracted, checking his watch, and even running an errand before Tim is fully human. After an abrupt finish, and a casual "Alright, let's go," David Liebe Hart comes down from the sky in a show of light and enthusiastically introduces the third season.
Pulling out the weird before the theme song even ends, the trademark "Great Job!" is screamed by some Indian-looking man on a carpet, which subsequently turns into a Tim and Eric cut-up-and-spliced-back-together song. They also reach new heights of disgustingness with Dick Dousche's Penile Douche. Don't even ask. Doctor Steve Brule, man of many outlets, is thankfully back in the first episode of this season, and hopefully will be back for quite a few because he's one of the biggest sources of humor in the show. John C. Reilly perfectly captures the clueless, awkward newscaster character, and can make you laugh with just a blank stare.
This episode is a lot stranger than most, though that's not saying much since they're all pretty weird. But this episode contains weird stuff that at times would make most people never wanna watch the show again. And I'm okay with that! I enjoyed the whole episode, even the strange parts, because that's part of the reason I watch Tim and Eric. The Tiny Tigers thing is kind of a dumb concept, but Tim and Eric can make anything funny if you know the show well enough. So overall it was good, but not one of the best episodes.
4/7
The Sartorialist
Now normally I'm not very big on fashion - a pair of Dickies shorts and a T-Shirt suit me quite well - but The Sartorialist blog has proven to be a surprisingly neat time-killer. The Sartorialist (in case you were wondering, like I was, sartorial means 'of or relating to a tailor or tailored clothes') is a man who wanders around Europe snappin' fancy pics of people in unique clothing.
When you get there, you may feel a smidge underwhelmed; it's basically pictures on a white background. Only certain posts contain text, so it's not exactly reading material, either. However, I've gotta admit that this man does have a decent eye for this kinda stuff. The pictures are enough to keep you there with a blank background and sparse dialogue. They display what he finds interesting about the people he passes; The Sartorialist noted one man wears a double-breasted suit in a much more casual casual way than normal; there's a picture of a man wearing a skirt, as well as The Sartorialist's pondering about men in skirts; there's a whole post dedicated to pictures of people wearing purple moccasins, and they can pull them off!
If nothing else, The Sartorialist is good for wasting some time looking at pictures of cool-looking clothes and the people that fill them out. If you're interested in fashion, this is definitely a site for you. The amount of fashion sense some of the people in the pictures display is mind-boggling; I can't imagine how somebody could look that good on a daily basis. But indeed, some people just know what works for their bodies. It's also a great blog for us Americans to see what some people dress like in Europe, broadens your cultural horizons, if only that little bit. It's not somewhere I visit daily, but every once in a while The Sartorialist is an interesting little corner of the net to pop in on.
5/7
When you get there, you may feel a smidge underwhelmed; it's basically pictures on a white background. Only certain posts contain text, so it's not exactly reading material, either. However, I've gotta admit that this man does have a decent eye for this kinda stuff. The pictures are enough to keep you there with a blank background and sparse dialogue. They display what he finds interesting about the people he passes; The Sartorialist noted one man wears a double-breasted suit in a much more casual casual way than normal; there's a picture of a man wearing a skirt, as well as The Sartorialist's pondering about men in skirts; there's a whole post dedicated to pictures of people wearing purple moccasins, and they can pull them off!
If nothing else, The Sartorialist is good for wasting some time looking at pictures of cool-looking clothes and the people that fill them out. If you're interested in fashion, this is definitely a site for you. The amount of fashion sense some of the people in the pictures display is mind-boggling; I can't imagine how somebody could look that good on a daily basis. But indeed, some people just know what works for their bodies. It's also a great blog for us Americans to see what some people dress like in Europe, broadens your cultural horizons, if only that little bit. It's not somewhere I visit daily, but every once in a while The Sartorialist is an interesting little corner of the net to pop in on.
5/7
7.28.2008
Kraft Bagel-fuls (plain)
I'm a simple man; a man that adores cream cheese bagels. So when a box of Kraft Bagel-fuls appeared in my kitchen, I threw them in the microwave before you could even say "bagel." As I stood in my kitchen, staring at the golden-brown bars rotating in front of my face, my excitement built with each passing second. Portable bagels that already have cream cheese inside them? Somebody had surely heard my prayers!
I took them out of the microwave and found them to be extremely hot, which I didn't think was too surprising. But seriously, a warning: do not bite into these without temp testing them first, cause that cream cheese will not play nice with your tongue at a couple hundred degrees. To hell with my tongue, though. That thing tasted good.
I know what some of you are thinking: there are so many ways Kraft could've messed up a bagel with cream cheese in it. Much to my surprise, they've actually done a pretty good job recreating the experience. The bagel is soft and chewy, and looks and tastes like a bagel. Scratch that one off the list of concerns. Although that list is quite short, rounding off at a nice even two items, the second being the cream cheese filling. This is where Kraft begins to walk on thin ice, because it'd be too easy to mess up the taste/feel of cream cheese. On the box it's advertised that they use real Philadelphia cream cheese, so my hopes were high. And I wasn't completely let down; the cheese filling tastes almost like cream cheese. Obviously they probably couldn't get it perfect due to preservatives and such, but the basic cream cheese flavor is there. It's a wee bit thick sometimes, and it tastes sorta fake, but it gets the job done. There's an adequate amount of cream cheese inside each Bagel-ful, and I'd say that Kraft has done a pretty successful job of recreating the bagel and cream cheese experience for people on the go. I'd probably eat the real thing before these, but if they're around, you can bet I'll eat 'em.
5/7
I took them out of the microwave and found them to be extremely hot, which I didn't think was too surprising. But seriously, a warning: do not bite into these without temp testing them first, cause that cream cheese will not play nice with your tongue at a couple hundred degrees. To hell with my tongue, though. That thing tasted good.
I know what some of you are thinking: there are so many ways Kraft could've messed up a bagel with cream cheese in it. Much to my surprise, they've actually done a pretty good job recreating the experience. The bagel is soft and chewy, and looks and tastes like a bagel. Scratch that one off the list of concerns. Although that list is quite short, rounding off at a nice even two items, the second being the cream cheese filling. This is where Kraft begins to walk on thin ice, because it'd be too easy to mess up the taste/feel of cream cheese. On the box it's advertised that they use real Philadelphia cream cheese, so my hopes were high. And I wasn't completely let down; the cheese filling tastes almost like cream cheese. Obviously they probably couldn't get it perfect due to preservatives and such, but the basic cream cheese flavor is there. It's a wee bit thick sometimes, and it tastes sorta fake, but it gets the job done. There's an adequate amount of cream cheese inside each Bagel-ful, and I'd say that Kraft has done a pretty successful job of recreating the bagel and cream cheese experience for people on the go. I'd probably eat the real thing before these, but if they're around, you can bet I'll eat 'em.
5/7
7.25.2008
Dominos Brooklyn-Style (Pepperoni) Pizza
I make no claims to be overly knowledgable about pizza from New York, much less Brooklyn in specific, but I did just eat a couple slices of a Dominos Brooklyn-Style Pizza of the pepperoni variety. Upon seeing said pizza I was skeptical because it looked paper-thin, but upon eating said pizza I was singin' a different story. Though the pizza is quite thin, it packs a great amount of flavor. It's light on the sauce, but the normal amount of sauce's flavor is compacted into what little sauce there is. The cheese is thicker than expected, and tastes like fresh mozzarella. The pepperoni on the pizza did a good job of covering most of it, especially because each slice was about twice as big as usual. The dough in the middle is thin, and the crust about an inch thick. One piece of this stuff isn't very filling, and two pieces sort of equals a normal piece of Dominos pizza. This may not be the best for the ol' waistline, and it also may be a sneaky way for Dominos to raise their money-per-slice ratio. I don't necessarily have a problem with that in this case, because this pizza is pretty worth it. But I gotta say... buy two.
5/7
5/7
We Play Stuff
Colloid
http://www.addictinggames.com/colloid.html
About ten minutes ago, I thought Colloid was going to be probably the worst, least detailed game of all time. Looking back, I was only half right -- it might be the least detailed game ever, but it certainly is not the worst. Basically, you are a relatively small dot. Before you can even become accustomed to your newfound dot-ness, a barrage of other multicolored dots flies at you from the top of the screen. Therein lies the object of said game: mouse-over as many dots of your current color as possible. By "your current color," I mean the color of your dot, as well as the background. Hitting any colors besides your own will result in a penalty, and consequently your score drops. There's a timer bar in the top-right corner of the screen which does two things: 1. Alert you as to what the upcoming color is, and 2. Inform you as to how long you have left in that color.
There are a few downsides to this game, mainly the fact that you the game seems to finish whenever it wants, regardless of how you're doing. Also, laptops aren't the most conducive platforms on which to play Colloid. I can only imagine how fun this game would be with a mouse. Or I could walk into the other room and actually experience it... but then what would I use my imagination for? Thinking? Wha?
Oh. Sometimes you're about to grab a huge, sweet bunch of (insert color here) dots RIGHT as the designated color changes, and it docks you a bunchapoints. But chalk that up to human error. Lastly, you kinda get Guitar Hero-vision after playing this game for a while, but who doesn't like a little disorientation, a touch of the dizzies every now and then.
4/5
Ongaku
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/387592
I'm a huge fan of rhythm games, so when I saw one on New Grounds, a top notch site for flash games, needless to say I got excited. The game is Ongaku, from Armor Games. It's funny because this is probably the first rhythm game I've seen with an actual story to it. You play as Ongaku, the living, crystal music note, once the top piece of a magical wand, brought to life by the good magic of Harmony, and the dark magic of Discord, Harmony's arch rival, all of which you'll find out if you happen to not skip the intro story.
The gameplay reminds me somewhat of Taiko no Tatsujin DS, which most of you don't know as a Japanese drum-based rhythm game. The "notes" scroll from right to left, and you have to hit each one as it comes. The notes take the form of up, down, left, or right arrows, and you have to either hit the button of the corresponding arrow, or hold the button down so when it gets to the cursor, you still hit it. Ongaku varies it up a bit, though; pressing the W key moves your cursor up to the top level and pressing the S key moves it back to the bottom level. "Notes" can come from any of the three levels, requiring players to switch off between holding W, S, and nothing to hit all of the notes. As you hit the notes, a background picture starts to appear, and if you do well, begins get colored in by paint, revealing saturated colors and strange and unique creatures. The more notes you hit, the more of the background you paint. Except for the tutorial, you have to reach a certain percentage in each level to "buy" the next level, all the way up to the sixth and hardest level. To get to it, you need to have an upper 90% for each previous level. As hard as the controls sound, they're not. Play the game and you'll find a simple, yet intricate feeling control scheme.
The game has a lot of personality, displayed in its art, background music and sound effects. There are seven different songs to play including the tutorial, and most of the sound different and cool. One thing that I disliked about this game is the fact that the notes seem not quite randomly placed, but they definitely don't compliment the beat very well because they're placed badly, which can be confusing and off-putting. Also, as the difficulty increases, the capability to "scoop" the notes by just holding down the correct arrow button diminishes, due to arrows being placed very close together. In these cases, you have to actually hit the button at the correct time, which may be difficult for the less-coordinated players. By the last level, I was seriously struggling, but on the third or fourth try, I found my groove. The last level does take some serious coordination, though. Once you've beaten the last level, you're informed that you've beaten the game, and it refers to the story from the beginning, telling you that Discord is still on the loose, and that the game is to be continued. Hopefully in the next iteration they clear up some of the issues that keep Ongaku from being a truly enjoyable rhythm game.
4/5
http://www.addictinggames.com/colloid.html
About ten minutes ago, I thought Colloid was going to be probably the worst, least detailed game of all time. Looking back, I was only half right -- it might be the least detailed game ever, but it certainly is not the worst. Basically, you are a relatively small dot. Before you can even become accustomed to your newfound dot-ness, a barrage of other multicolored dots flies at you from the top of the screen. Therein lies the object of said game: mouse-over as many dots of your current color as possible. By "your current color," I mean the color of your dot, as well as the background. Hitting any colors besides your own will result in a penalty, and consequently your score drops. There's a timer bar in the top-right corner of the screen which does two things: 1. Alert you as to what the upcoming color is, and 2. Inform you as to how long you have left in that color.
There are a few downsides to this game, mainly the fact that you the game seems to finish whenever it wants, regardless of how you're doing. Also, laptops aren't the most conducive platforms on which to play Colloid. I can only imagine how fun this game would be with a mouse. Or I could walk into the other room and actually experience it... but then what would I use my imagination for? Thinking? Wha?
Oh. Sometimes you're about to grab a huge, sweet bunch of (insert color here) dots RIGHT as the designated color changes, and it docks you a bunchapoints. But chalk that up to human error. Lastly, you kinda get Guitar Hero-vision after playing this game for a while, but who doesn't like a little disorientation, a touch of the dizzies every now and then.
4/5
Ongaku
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/387592
I'm a huge fan of rhythm games, so when I saw one on New Grounds, a top notch site for flash games, needless to say I got excited. The game is Ongaku, from Armor Games. It's funny because this is probably the first rhythm game I've seen with an actual story to it. You play as Ongaku, the living, crystal music note, once the top piece of a magical wand, brought to life by the good magic of Harmony, and the dark magic of Discord, Harmony's arch rival, all of which you'll find out if you happen to not skip the intro story.
The gameplay reminds me somewhat of Taiko no Tatsujin DS, which most of you don't know as a Japanese drum-based rhythm game. The "notes" scroll from right to left, and you have to hit each one as it comes. The notes take the form of up, down, left, or right arrows, and you have to either hit the button of the corresponding arrow, or hold the button down so when it gets to the cursor, you still hit it. Ongaku varies it up a bit, though; pressing the W key moves your cursor up to the top level and pressing the S key moves it back to the bottom level. "Notes" can come from any of the three levels, requiring players to switch off between holding W, S, and nothing to hit all of the notes. As you hit the notes, a background picture starts to appear, and if you do well, begins get colored in by paint, revealing saturated colors and strange and unique creatures. The more notes you hit, the more of the background you paint. Except for the tutorial, you have to reach a certain percentage in each level to "buy" the next level, all the way up to the sixth and hardest level. To get to it, you need to have an upper 90% for each previous level. As hard as the controls sound, they're not. Play the game and you'll find a simple, yet intricate feeling control scheme.
The game has a lot of personality, displayed in its art, background music and sound effects. There are seven different songs to play including the tutorial, and most of the sound different and cool. One thing that I disliked about this game is the fact that the notes seem not quite randomly placed, but they definitely don't compliment the beat very well because they're placed badly, which can be confusing and off-putting. Also, as the difficulty increases, the capability to "scoop" the notes by just holding down the correct arrow button diminishes, due to arrows being placed very close together. In these cases, you have to actually hit the button at the correct time, which may be difficult for the less-coordinated players. By the last level, I was seriously struggling, but on the third or fourth try, I found my groove. The last level does take some serious coordination, though. Once you've beaten the last level, you're informed that you've beaten the game, and it refers to the story from the beginning, telling you that Discord is still on the loose, and that the game is to be continued. Hopefully in the next iteration they clear up some of the issues that keep Ongaku from being a truly enjoyable rhythm game.
4/5
7.21.2008
Timmy Curran - Word of Mouth
Taking a page from Jack Johnson, Timmy Curran is a pro-surfer gone the way of the guitar. Most famous for doing a full flip in about two feet of surf, he's also known for being one of the most well-regarded guys in surfing. His musical career has blown up quickly, going from writing songs in hotels to opening for Switchfoot and even Foo Fighters on their acoustic tour. Word of Mouth was originally a free download spread around the surfing community, but Tim Curran's debut album hits stores everywhere today.
Like Jack Johnson, it seems Timmy Curran likes to keep it relatively quiet. Much of the album is based around hushed, often finger-picked guitar parts with an assortment of backing instruments, including piano, cello, and violin, as well as all of the normal rock band instruments. He doesn't necessarily share Jack's sunny disposition, though, as the songs themselves tend to be darker than would be expected for a surfer, interspersed with a few happier tracks. I don't mean dark in the slow, quiet, and brooding way though; I'm talking about minor chord progressions, disheartened lyrics, and a universally distributed sense of longing. The music on Word of Mouth ranges from country-tinged rock to folk songs to bouncy pop that would almost be comfortable in the eighties.
The first song, Daylight's Coming, sports a western feel that doesn't let up for the whole track. In fact, the chord progression rarely changes, leaving the song somewhat predictable and repetitive. Comatose finds Curran somberly lamenting the current status of the world, warning that "if we don't wake up soon, we'll be gone." Joan is one of the happier tracks, in which Curran reminisces about his past with Joan, and tells her that wherever he goes, he will be waiting for her when he gets there. Horses On the Range contains Tim's wish to get away from everything and be completely free, like the horses of the song's title. Lonely, a more upbeat song, brightens the album with its Close To Me, Cure-esque drums and unrelenting lead-guitar part. Save is Curran's plea for somebody to rescue him, for he is "destined for disaster" as he asks for anybody to help him from falling down too far. The ending track, Can You Feel It, is a bitter-sweet song about somebody who is getting what they want, but leaving Curran because of it. The album ends with the poignant repetition of the line "I won't ever be the same with you gone."
I gotta say, for a debut album from a man who has spent his life in the water rather than strumming strings, this is not a bad collection of songs. It's not perfect; for example, though the songs may not sound exactly the same, for the most part they feel the same. In fact, this album suffers slightly from a universally distributed lack of variety, both in general, and in the songs themselves. Most of the songs just didn't stray away from the main chord progression enough. However, at the same time this is mostly forgivable, because I feel like this album isn't necessarily for anybody but Timmy Curran. There isn't an abundance of hooks, and he doesn't really do anything groundbreaking on Word of Mouth, but for many people, this album will be greatly satisfactory.
4/7
Like Jack Johnson, it seems Timmy Curran likes to keep it relatively quiet. Much of the album is based around hushed, often finger-picked guitar parts with an assortment of backing instruments, including piano, cello, and violin, as well as all of the normal rock band instruments. He doesn't necessarily share Jack's sunny disposition, though, as the songs themselves tend to be darker than would be expected for a surfer, interspersed with a few happier tracks. I don't mean dark in the slow, quiet, and brooding way though; I'm talking about minor chord progressions, disheartened lyrics, and a universally distributed sense of longing. The music on Word of Mouth ranges from country-tinged rock to folk songs to bouncy pop that would almost be comfortable in the eighties.
The first song, Daylight's Coming, sports a western feel that doesn't let up for the whole track. In fact, the chord progression rarely changes, leaving the song somewhat predictable and repetitive. Comatose finds Curran somberly lamenting the current status of the world, warning that "if we don't wake up soon, we'll be gone." Joan is one of the happier tracks, in which Curran reminisces about his past with Joan, and tells her that wherever he goes, he will be waiting for her when he gets there. Horses On the Range contains Tim's wish to get away from everything and be completely free, like the horses of the song's title. Lonely, a more upbeat song, brightens the album with its Close To Me, Cure-esque drums and unrelenting lead-guitar part. Save is Curran's plea for somebody to rescue him, for he is "destined for disaster" as he asks for anybody to help him from falling down too far. The ending track, Can You Feel It, is a bitter-sweet song about somebody who is getting what they want, but leaving Curran because of it. The album ends with the poignant repetition of the line "I won't ever be the same with you gone."
I gotta say, for a debut album from a man who has spent his life in the water rather than strumming strings, this is not a bad collection of songs. It's not perfect; for example, though the songs may not sound exactly the same, for the most part they feel the same. In fact, this album suffers slightly from a universally distributed lack of variety, both in general, and in the songs themselves. Most of the songs just didn't stray away from the main chord progression enough. However, at the same time this is mostly forgivable, because I feel like this album isn't necessarily for anybody but Timmy Curran. There isn't an abundance of hooks, and he doesn't really do anything groundbreaking on Word of Mouth, but for many people, this album will be greatly satisfactory.
4/7
7.20.2008
Dr. Dog - Fate
After seeing Dr. Dog perform "The Old Days" on Conan O'Brien, I got excited, because they have a new album coming out, which means I can review it! Dr. Dog captured my attention quickly for a number of reasons. First of all, all of the band members were wearing some hilarious old country clothing that somehow aesthetically aided the song they were playing. Second, I was really getting into their style, which is reminiscent of bands like Delta Spirit and The Rolling Stones in a weird way.
Dr. Dog's new album, entitled Fate, is a jingly, sunny, retro, bouncy collection of songs that wouldn't seem very out of place in the seventies, though they definitely won't be lost on the ears of today. Every song on the album has a unique sound to it, and none of the songs on Fate really sound alike. However, one tends to become accustomed to Dr. Dog's audio ideals early into the album, which may in some cases make the later songs feel less fresh than they should, relative to the rest of the album. Which is a really weird way of saying the first few songs are more impressive than the last few, but only because one feels like they understand the band by the end of the album.
The Breeze, the album's opening tune, is a truly catchy song and a fantastic way to start the album, led by a vocal-guitar duo, accentuated by old-school backing vocals, and led to a close by dueling wind instruments. The Old Days uses a staccato piano part with a slow drum beat to create animated verses, interspersed with rolling choruses and what sounds like a bluegrass hippie jam. Army of Ancients is a faux slow-dance song that grows more and more soulful, reminding one of R&B's origins. The Rabbit, The Bat, and The Reindeer is a piano-based pop piece that finds the band wondering "Should we pretend that it's the end?" The Ark is one of the few darker tracks on Fate, relying on drums and bass for most of the song, with periodic guitar licks peppering it now and then. The point is that Dr. Dog does a great job of varying genres song by song on this album.
Dr. Dog is a band with a lot of soul in their music, and a band that's easy to get hooked on. While Fate may feel a bit long sometimes (I don't think a song or two getting cut would've hurt the final product), multiple lead vocalists, a widespread musical reach, and a fondness for musical sensibilities of the past make it an easy listen that you'll want to hear a few times just to take it all in. While I think this album will appeal more to an adult-ish crowd than teens or kids, there's certainly something to Dr. Dog that anyone could enjoy.
5/7
Dr. Dog's new album, entitled Fate, is a jingly, sunny, retro, bouncy collection of songs that wouldn't seem very out of place in the seventies, though they definitely won't be lost on the ears of today. Every song on the album has a unique sound to it, and none of the songs on Fate really sound alike. However, one tends to become accustomed to Dr. Dog's audio ideals early into the album, which may in some cases make the later songs feel less fresh than they should, relative to the rest of the album. Which is a really weird way of saying the first few songs are more impressive than the last few, but only because one feels like they understand the band by the end of the album.
The Breeze, the album's opening tune, is a truly catchy song and a fantastic way to start the album, led by a vocal-guitar duo, accentuated by old-school backing vocals, and led to a close by dueling wind instruments. The Old Days uses a staccato piano part with a slow drum beat to create animated verses, interspersed with rolling choruses and what sounds like a bluegrass hippie jam. Army of Ancients is a faux slow-dance song that grows more and more soulful, reminding one of R&B's origins. The Rabbit, The Bat, and The Reindeer is a piano-based pop piece that finds the band wondering "Should we pretend that it's the end?" The Ark is one of the few darker tracks on Fate, relying on drums and bass for most of the song, with periodic guitar licks peppering it now and then. The point is that Dr. Dog does a great job of varying genres song by song on this album.
Dr. Dog is a band with a lot of soul in their music, and a band that's easy to get hooked on. While Fate may feel a bit long sometimes (I don't think a song or two getting cut would've hurt the final product), multiple lead vocalists, a widespread musical reach, and a fondness for musical sensibilities of the past make it an easy listen that you'll want to hear a few times just to take it all in. While I think this album will appeal more to an adult-ish crowd than teens or kids, there's certainly something to Dr. Dog that anyone could enjoy.
5/7
7.19.2008
We Play Stuff
Hand Grenade Hacky Sack
http://officegamespot.com/hackysackgame.htm
Ever wanted to play hackey-sack without using your feet? Yeah, I thought so. Well, now you can. The thing is, surprisingly, it sucks. The controls are inconsistent, especially if you're using a laptop. This is because you have to literally drag your character's legs in a direction to make him kick the sack. Unless you have your sensitivity turned to less than zero, your cursor will most likely shoot way out of the game box and render you sackless. Another issue I found with this game is the fact that the button you press to pick the sack up in order to kick it is high on the screen to the right. You have to immediately press then button, then scramble to your legs and try in vain to drag them everywhere, and it just ends up badly. There's too much going on at once, and I find the game in general to be offensive. No reason not to give it a try, though.
1/5
Meat Mansion
http://www.addictinggames.com/meatmansion.html
Another in the long, long, long, long, long, line of escape the house/zombie flash games, Meat Mansion aspires to be everything a scary zombie game should be, and ends up being everything a scary zombie game has been before. You end up in a scary house for one reason or another. You find a gun, which'll help you along the way. The shooting system is better than expected because it's smooth and accurate. You get 8 shots per round in your gun. The problem is, the typical zombie takes 5 shots to kill. This presents a problem, because once again, your gun has 8 shots per round. Essentially this means you have to reload your gun after you kill each zombie, no matter how close to you they're getting. It would've been so simple; 8 bullets per round? 4 bullets per zombie. Another problem I found in my trek through Meat Mansion was the fact that the gun takes forever to reload, which certainly doesn't help your circumstances. The game has all of the cliché spooky stuff: strange background noises, children laughing, women with axes that wanna kill you and say 'Hey!' in a really weird voice. The heartbeat in the background makes the game more tense than it would be without it, but again, it's been done so many times. Whoever made this game wasn't a native English speaker (I'm assuming) due to the many typos, such as "This are very old barrels used for aging wine," and "This containers are filled with body parts!" Once you get about halfway through the game, it starts to get hard. Not the good kind of hard, like challenging, but hard in the way where you just lose track of what to do and wander aimlessly for twenty minutes. This one's definitely not the most fun game, but I had a bit of fun playing it for a while.
3/5
http://officegamespot.com/hackysackgame.htm
Ever wanted to play hackey-sack without using your feet? Yeah, I thought so. Well, now you can. The thing is, surprisingly, it sucks. The controls are inconsistent, especially if you're using a laptop. This is because you have to literally drag your character's legs in a direction to make him kick the sack. Unless you have your sensitivity turned to less than zero, your cursor will most likely shoot way out of the game box and render you sackless. Another issue I found with this game is the fact that the button you press to pick the sack up in order to kick it is high on the screen to the right. You have to immediately press then button, then scramble to your legs and try in vain to drag them everywhere, and it just ends up badly. There's too much going on at once, and I find the game in general to be offensive. No reason not to give it a try, though.
1/5
Meat Mansion
http://www.addictinggames.com/meatmansion.html
Another in the long, long, long, long, long, line of escape the house/zombie flash games, Meat Mansion aspires to be everything a scary zombie game should be, and ends up being everything a scary zombie game has been before. You end up in a scary house for one reason or another. You find a gun, which'll help you along the way. The shooting system is better than expected because it's smooth and accurate. You get 8 shots per round in your gun. The problem is, the typical zombie takes 5 shots to kill. This presents a problem, because once again, your gun has 8 shots per round. Essentially this means you have to reload your gun after you kill each zombie, no matter how close to you they're getting. It would've been so simple; 8 bullets per round? 4 bullets per zombie. Another problem I found in my trek through Meat Mansion was the fact that the gun takes forever to reload, which certainly doesn't help your circumstances. The game has all of the cliché spooky stuff: strange background noises, children laughing, women with axes that wanna kill you and say 'Hey!' in a really weird voice. The heartbeat in the background makes the game more tense than it would be without it, but again, it's been done so many times. Whoever made this game wasn't a native English speaker (I'm assuming) due to the many typos, such as "This are very old barrels used for aging wine," and "This containers are filled with body parts!" Once you get about halfway through the game, it starts to get hard. Not the good kind of hard, like challenging, but hard in the way where you just lose track of what to do and wander aimlessly for twenty minutes. This one's definitely not the most fun game, but I had a bit of fun playing it for a while.
3/5
7.18.2008
South Shore Furniture
Getting new furniture is always exciting for me. I don't know how much that does for my masculinity, but that's another story. Recently, I was in the market for a nightstand and dresser at a decent price. I went the first place any respectable furniture-seeker would look: Wal-Mart! Alright, so WM isn't exactly a treasure trove of fine furniture. But it is an oasis of wonderwall -- I mean, low prices.
After much careful research and a few hours, I finally came to a decision. They were both pieces from the South Shore Sereno collection, and on the internet they looked classy and fantastic. They ran me a total of $265, so I was expecting some decent quality furniture, 'cause paying $90 for a nightstand seemed a little excessive, but I considered the fact that I'm probably severely under-knowledged in the field of furniture. So excitedly, I confirmed payment and began the obligatory 7 - 10 business-day waiting period. By the way, you get a serious discount on shipping if you get it shipped to Wal-Mart and pick it up when it arrives.
So I'l begin with the nightstand. Upon receiving it, some construction was required. The instructions were easy to use and between my sister and I, we got the thing built in like... half an hour. We're not carpenters. Either way, the thing came together smoothly, and I was satisfied with how it looked, even though the drawers are a bit crooked. But how does it function, you may ask, or at least I hope you would, 'cause I'm about to tell ya. The drawers do not slide in and out adequately, requiring more effort than I'm usually willing to give in order to open a simple drawer. Not only that, but when pulled out, the drawers seem to lose a lot of stability and wobble all over the place. Sweet! Onto the dresser.
It was relatively easy to build, but we did run into a few snags along the way. First, we were shorted two screws, which wasn't that big of a deal, but inconsiderate nonetheless. Second, coming closer the the end of the construction process, we realized that the dresser was far too shaky and unstable to leave it that way. So we had to go out of our way to get stabilizers, which in the end didn't help too much, cause I swear, a slight breeze could come through and shake this thing all over the place. The drawers, again, do not slide out very easily and require more effort than a drawer ever should to open. The drawers are shallower than I'd hoped, too, but they almost make up for it with more width. Also, somehow, I feel like the finished dresser is a miniature version of what it should be, because it's only about 4.5 feet tall.
Now onto general problems with these pieces. I'd like to stress how much the opposite of good the quality of the wood is. Seriously, this stuff was chipping all over the place, it's extremely light, and I feel like I could snap it with a kung-fu headbutt. The color isn't as nice as I thought it would be. It's supposed to be a darnk brown, but it's so dark that the wood-y details get convoluted and it just starts to look black. It's probably just a pasted-on wood covering anyway. So overall, this wasn't the quality I was hoping for, but I do think the furniture will be sufficient for sitting still, alone, in the dark, with nothing to do, in my room. So let this serve as a lesson for all you Wal-Mart shoppers: expensive items from a cheap place may retain said cheapness.
3/7
After much careful research and a few hours, I finally came to a decision. They were both pieces from the South Shore Sereno collection, and on the internet they looked classy and fantastic. They ran me a total of $265, so I was expecting some decent quality furniture, 'cause paying $90 for a nightstand seemed a little excessive, but I considered the fact that I'm probably severely under-knowledged in the field of furniture. So excitedly, I confirmed payment and began the obligatory 7 - 10 business-day waiting period. By the way, you get a serious discount on shipping if you get it shipped to Wal-Mart and pick it up when it arrives.
So I'l begin with the nightstand. Upon receiving it, some construction was required. The instructions were easy to use and between my sister and I, we got the thing built in like... half an hour. We're not carpenters. Either way, the thing came together smoothly, and I was satisfied with how it looked, even though the drawers are a bit crooked. But how does it function, you may ask, or at least I hope you would, 'cause I'm about to tell ya. The drawers do not slide in and out adequately, requiring more effort than I'm usually willing to give in order to open a simple drawer. Not only that, but when pulled out, the drawers seem to lose a lot of stability and wobble all over the place. Sweet! Onto the dresser.
It was relatively easy to build, but we did run into a few snags along the way. First, we were shorted two screws, which wasn't that big of a deal, but inconsiderate nonetheless. Second, coming closer the the end of the construction process, we realized that the dresser was far too shaky and unstable to leave it that way. So we had to go out of our way to get stabilizers, which in the end didn't help too much, cause I swear, a slight breeze could come through and shake this thing all over the place. The drawers, again, do not slide out very easily and require more effort than a drawer ever should to open. The drawers are shallower than I'd hoped, too, but they almost make up for it with more width. Also, somehow, I feel like the finished dresser is a miniature version of what it should be, because it's only about 4.5 feet tall.
Now onto general problems with these pieces. I'd like to stress how much the opposite of good the quality of the wood is. Seriously, this stuff was chipping all over the place, it's extremely light, and I feel like I could snap it with a kung-fu headbutt. The color isn't as nice as I thought it would be. It's supposed to be a darnk brown, but it's so dark that the wood-y details get convoluted and it just starts to look black. It's probably just a pasted-on wood covering anyway. So overall, this wasn't the quality I was hoping for, but I do think the furniture will be sufficient for sitting still, alone, in the dark, with nothing to do, in my room. So let this serve as a lesson for all you Wal-Mart shoppers: expensive items from a cheap place may retain said cheapness.
3/7
7.16.2008
Ronald Jenkees - Derty
Before I knew who Ronald Jenkees was, I was shown a video of his. It started out with his trademark "Hello Youtubes!" This may catch you off-guard at first, but make no mistake, you're about to witness something amazing. This man demonstrates a passion and unique talent for creating hip-hop beats that you're unlikely to hear anywhere else. After sitting slightly stunned in front of my screen for some time, I did some research and found out he put out an album, which, depending on where you check, is called either Derty, or, Ronald Jenkees. I'll tell you what, it could be called Strawberry Cupcakes With Ms. Muffet for all I care, cause this album is GOOD.
The album starts out with the song Derty, an uncharacteristically complex and intricate crunk-esque beat that comes at you like a fuckin' slap in the face. It then grooves its way into Neptune, a relaxing foray into what I can only call elegant hip-hop, relying on mellow piano and soaring violin, taking you up and up, and keeping you there for Jenkees' Canon In D Remix, in which he successfully reworks Pachelbel's classic masterpiece that really takes off about halfway through with a bluesy piano section that displays Jenkees' musical talent in full force. After Canon, we're given a mysterious lesson in atmospherics, via Clutter (which was recently covered by some guy on a saxophone -- it's on youtube). Jenkees remixed another classic on this album: The Rocky theme song. No, not Eye of the Tiger, the one where he runs up the stairs. I'll let you check that one out for yourself, but it's quite an interesting take. The Sunfish Song, one of my favorites on the record, is a very watery sounding song that at times is very reminiscent of the Phendrana Drifts theme from Metroid Prime, which is unbelievably awesome. Loui is a haunting piece that forces you to wonder who exactly Loui is, and what might've happened to him, given the gloomy tone of the track. Gold Spinners is a soulful organ-driven piece that demonstrates Jenkees' lightning fast, magical fingers, and Remix To A Remix is the first song to successfully capture that elusive Victorian-Gangsta sound that so many people have strived to get right. Then, a funny thing happens: he starts to rap. But it's strange, because he has two songs where he raps on this album, and one is actually good, but one is a bit off. 56k seems slow and uninspired, while Ain't No Thang finds him with a good flow and rhymes that work well.
At first I couldn't imagine an album of only hip-hop beats, thinking it would get stale and boring, but I couldn't have been any more wrong. This man strolls across musical genres like blocks of concrete in the sidewalk. In fact, Jenkees has basically started a new genre for himself, which I can only call Electrip-hop. Jenkees never lets it get boring by always going down a different route than you'd expect, and the fact that his arsenal of instruments and sounds is seemingly endless does a lot to vary the sounds on the album. Jenkees demonstrates an uncanny ability to know exactly what sound or instrument should be applied where, what effects to use, and how to emphasize the tone of the song to its fullest potential. While he's an incredible musician, I can only imagine how far Ronald Jenkees would go as a producer, given these talents. This is an album I wouldn't feel uncomfortable recommending to absolutely anybody I might come across. In fact, if it weren't for the songs Snap, Almost Undamaged, and 56k, I would give this album an emphatic seven out of seven. These are by no means bad songs in absolutely any way, but the rest of the songs on Jenkees' debut album are simply of a higher caliber than these three. I highly recommend that you find some way to get your hands on this album, even if you're a 90 year-old grandmother with Alzheimer's. Hell, that'd just make it better; it'd be brand new every time! Ronald Jenkees simply amazes me, and with his second album on the way (supposedly late this summer), I find myself giddy at the thought.
6/7
The album starts out with the song Derty, an uncharacteristically complex and intricate crunk-esque beat that comes at you like a fuckin' slap in the face. It then grooves its way into Neptune, a relaxing foray into what I can only call elegant hip-hop, relying on mellow piano and soaring violin, taking you up and up, and keeping you there for Jenkees' Canon In D Remix, in which he successfully reworks Pachelbel's classic masterpiece that really takes off about halfway through with a bluesy piano section that displays Jenkees' musical talent in full force. After Canon, we're given a mysterious lesson in atmospherics, via Clutter (which was recently covered by some guy on a saxophone -- it's on youtube). Jenkees remixed another classic on this album: The Rocky theme song. No, not Eye of the Tiger, the one where he runs up the stairs. I'll let you check that one out for yourself, but it's quite an interesting take. The Sunfish Song, one of my favorites on the record, is a very watery sounding song that at times is very reminiscent of the Phendrana Drifts theme from Metroid Prime, which is unbelievably awesome. Loui is a haunting piece that forces you to wonder who exactly Loui is, and what might've happened to him, given the gloomy tone of the track. Gold Spinners is a soulful organ-driven piece that demonstrates Jenkees' lightning fast, magical fingers, and Remix To A Remix is the first song to successfully capture that elusive Victorian-Gangsta sound that so many people have strived to get right. Then, a funny thing happens: he starts to rap. But it's strange, because he has two songs where he raps on this album, and one is actually good, but one is a bit off. 56k seems slow and uninspired, while Ain't No Thang finds him with a good flow and rhymes that work well.
At first I couldn't imagine an album of only hip-hop beats, thinking it would get stale and boring, but I couldn't have been any more wrong. This man strolls across musical genres like blocks of concrete in the sidewalk. In fact, Jenkees has basically started a new genre for himself, which I can only call Electrip-hop. Jenkees never lets it get boring by always going down a different route than you'd expect, and the fact that his arsenal of instruments and sounds is seemingly endless does a lot to vary the sounds on the album. Jenkees demonstrates an uncanny ability to know exactly what sound or instrument should be applied where, what effects to use, and how to emphasize the tone of the song to its fullest potential. While he's an incredible musician, I can only imagine how far Ronald Jenkees would go as a producer, given these talents. This is an album I wouldn't feel uncomfortable recommending to absolutely anybody I might come across. In fact, if it weren't for the songs Snap, Almost Undamaged, and 56k, I would give this album an emphatic seven out of seven. These are by no means bad songs in absolutely any way, but the rest of the songs on Jenkees' debut album are simply of a higher caliber than these three. I highly recommend that you find some way to get your hands on this album, even if you're a 90 year-old grandmother with Alzheimer's. Hell, that'd just make it better; it'd be brand new every time! Ronald Jenkees simply amazes me, and with his second album on the way (supposedly late this summer), I find myself giddy at the thought.
6/7
7.15.2008
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Crackers
white cheddar: Tastes a lot like white-cheddar cheez-its. In fact, tastes exactly like white-cheddar cheez-its. Slightly powder-coated with white cheddar flavoring, also like cheez-its. So average that it hurts and I literally have nothing to say about it.
3/7
cheddar: I can't taste much macaroni and cheese in this, but it doesn't taste bad really. The cheddar flavor is potentially even more mild than Mild Cheddar, causing my tongue and my brain to clash in a flavor-war.
4/7
mild cheddar: I tried this flavor first and thought they tasted exactly like cheez-its and had damned them to a brad-less life, but after eating all three flavors of these noodle-shaped crackers (I'd rather have cracker-shaped noodles), I think this might be the ones with the most flavor. The taste actually resembles Kraft macaroni, too.
4/7
3/7
cheddar: I can't taste much macaroni and cheese in this, but it doesn't taste bad really. The cheddar flavor is potentially even more mild than Mild Cheddar, causing my tongue and my brain to clash in a flavor-war.
4/7
mild cheddar: I tried this flavor first and thought they tasted exactly like cheez-its and had damned them to a brad-less life, but after eating all three flavors of these noodle-shaped crackers (I'd rather have cracker-shaped noodles), I think this might be the ones with the most flavor. The taste actually resembles Kraft macaroni, too.
4/7
7.14.2008
The Hold Steady - Stay Positive
Apparently, the Hold Steady began when "lead guitarist Tad Kubler and frontman Craig Finn first had the idea... sitting at home watching The Last Waltz. Finn asked Kubler, "Dude, why aren't there any bands like this anymore? Let's do this from now on." Not a bad reason to start a band, in my opinion, and the fact that they make music to have fun, not to make money or become famous, shines through in their newest record, Stay Positive.
The Hold Steady seems to really take their 'do-whatever-we-want' philosophy to heart, as becomes clear listening to this cd. No two songs really sound alike (aside from guitar tones, maybe), and The Hold Steady seems to kinda make it up as they go along, like children playing with Lego(s). (I know it makes them mad, it just doesn't sound right without the 's'). And somehow, it works out well. The lyrics manage to sound stream-of-consciousness, yet pre-planned, which works to their advantage on both sides. The measure of the lyrics is also subject to their unpredictability, and Craig Finn's gravelly words never seem to come out like you'd imagine they would, which makes the songs more interesting to listen to.
Most of the songs on Stay Positive tell a story, whether it be about incidents from the past, a girl they know and the crazy things she did, or a girl they're currently distressed about. Actually, a surprising amount of these songs are specifically about a girl or girls. 'Constructive Summer' talks about drinkin', reminiscing, and, you guessed it, summer. Declaring that "St. Joe Strummer might've been our only decent teacher," The Hold Steady warns us that "we are our only saviors." 'Sequestered In Memphis' finds Finn hazily recounting a story about a certain girl and bathroom, explaining how he "went there on business," and ended up "sequestered in Memphis," culminating in a clappy sing-along. 'One for the Cutters' is a Dylan-esque story about a series of events set into motion by a girl joining a party and subsequently getting sucked into some undesirable circumstances. 'Navy Sheets' paints a picture of lost innocence, while 'Lord I'm Discouraged' finds a sad man talking to his faith about a woman who is changing while he stays the same. Slapped Actress, the album's closer, contains some of my favorite lyrics, notably "We are the actors, the cameras are rollin’. I’ll be Ben Gazzara, you’ll be Gena Rowlands... We’re the directors, our hands will hold steady. I’ll be John Cassavettes, let me know when you’re ready."
All in all, I think the best way to describe The Hold Steady is they're just a rock band, which is something that few bands currently are. Uncorrupted by seemingly anything besides 70's rock (which I hardly call corruptive, but certain parents would've begged to differ), The Hold Steady seems to say damn the consequences, and the critics seem to agree. Stay Positive hides some catchy hooks in some unlikely places, and, though dark at times, it's a feel good album that is perfect for something to listen to as the summer starts to dwindle down to an end.
5/7
The Hold Steady seems to really take their 'do-whatever-we-want' philosophy to heart, as becomes clear listening to this cd. No two songs really sound alike (aside from guitar tones, maybe), and The Hold Steady seems to kinda make it up as they go along, like children playing with Lego(s). (I know it makes them mad, it just doesn't sound right without the 's'). And somehow, it works out well. The lyrics manage to sound stream-of-consciousness, yet pre-planned, which works to their advantage on both sides. The measure of the lyrics is also subject to their unpredictability, and Craig Finn's gravelly words never seem to come out like you'd imagine they would, which makes the songs more interesting to listen to.
Most of the songs on Stay Positive tell a story, whether it be about incidents from the past, a girl they know and the crazy things she did, or a girl they're currently distressed about. Actually, a surprising amount of these songs are specifically about a girl or girls. 'Constructive Summer' talks about drinkin', reminiscing, and, you guessed it, summer. Declaring that "St. Joe Strummer might've been our only decent teacher," The Hold Steady warns us that "we are our only saviors." 'Sequestered In Memphis' finds Finn hazily recounting a story about a certain girl and bathroom, explaining how he "went there on business," and ended up "sequestered in Memphis," culminating in a clappy sing-along. 'One for the Cutters' is a Dylan-esque story about a series of events set into motion by a girl joining a party and subsequently getting sucked into some undesirable circumstances. 'Navy Sheets' paints a picture of lost innocence, while 'Lord I'm Discouraged' finds a sad man talking to his faith about a woman who is changing while he stays the same. Slapped Actress, the album's closer, contains some of my favorite lyrics, notably "We are the actors, the cameras are rollin’. I’ll be Ben Gazzara, you’ll be Gena Rowlands... We’re the directors, our hands will hold steady. I’ll be John Cassavettes, let me know when you’re ready."
All in all, I think the best way to describe The Hold Steady is they're just a rock band, which is something that few bands currently are. Uncorrupted by seemingly anything besides 70's rock (which I hardly call corruptive, but certain parents would've begged to differ), The Hold Steady seems to say damn the consequences, and the critics seem to agree. Stay Positive hides some catchy hooks in some unlikely places, and, though dark at times, it's a feel good album that is perfect for something to listen to as the summer starts to dwindle down to an end.
5/7
Taco Bell Queso Crunchwrap
Crunchwraps from Taco Bell have always seemed a little redundant to me. They're just tacos in a burrito wrap, right? Stands to reason that it wouldn't be any different than an average taco. But tonight I've been proven wrong, by the new Queso Crunchwrap.
The Queso Crunchwrap's contents don't differ too much from the Crunchwrap or the Crunchwrap Extreme; it's filled with beef, nacho cheese, jalapeños, and tomatoes, which I opted out of (watched "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" one too many times as a boy, I suppose). Upon biting into the Queso Crunchwrap, the first thing I noticed was the nacho cheese, in all its weakly-spicey, super-salty glory. Then the beef kicked in, and I noticed the texture disparity between the soft burrito and the crunchy tortilla, and that's when I changed my mind about Crunchwraps. Somehow, it manages to be better than a taco. I think it might be because there's less beef/space between the tortilla walls, making it a distant relative to the Mexican pizza. On the bad side, I didn't taste the jalapeños at all, and looking back, I wonder if there were any on it. However, clearly jalapeños would be a good addition to this flavor combination.
The Crunchwrap's simplicity is what makes it so good. It's not a reality-shattering discovery, this exciting new shape in the taco-timeline, but it's another filling, delicious, and cheap item to add as a possible purchase, thereby varying my meals from Taco Bell, sparse as they may be. After all this time, I'm finally good to go.
5/7
The Queso Crunchwrap's contents don't differ too much from the Crunchwrap or the Crunchwrap Extreme; it's filled with beef, nacho cheese, jalapeños, and tomatoes, which I opted out of (watched "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" one too many times as a boy, I suppose). Upon biting into the Queso Crunchwrap, the first thing I noticed was the nacho cheese, in all its weakly-spicey, super-salty glory. Then the beef kicked in, and I noticed the texture disparity between the soft burrito and the crunchy tortilla, and that's when I changed my mind about Crunchwraps. Somehow, it manages to be better than a taco. I think it might be because there's less beef/space between the tortilla walls, making it a distant relative to the Mexican pizza. On the bad side, I didn't taste the jalapeños at all, and looking back, I wonder if there were any on it. However, clearly jalapeños would be a good addition to this flavor combination.
The Crunchwrap's simplicity is what makes it so good. It's not a reality-shattering discovery, this exciting new shape in the taco-timeline, but it's another filling, delicious, and cheap item to add as a possible purchase, thereby varying my meals from Taco Bell, sparse as they may be. After all this time, I'm finally good to go.
5/7
7.11.2008
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Hellboy (the original) didn't do much for me. After looking back at it and realizing that the first was also directed by Guillermo del Toro, I was surprised. He's come a long way in a short time, it seems. Especially considering that Hellboy II: The Golden Army was, the way I see it, a great movie. It had action, it had comedy, it had suspense, and it had class.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army starts out with a grim fairy tale of sorts: the Earth used to be ruled by not only humans, but it was shared with mythical creatures. But of course, humanity wasn't satiated with only part of the world; they had to rip it out of everybody else's hands. So team mythical creatures built themselves a 'golden army,' and went to town on us humans, leaving our population a fraction of what it was, and the king of the mythical creatures full of regret. To make amends, he created a crown to control the golden army, split it into three pieces so nobody could control it on his/her own, and gave one of the pieces to the humans. This story does a good job of setting up the plot, and helping out the sense of direness that this historical tale contributes to centuries later.
This movie was more enjoyable than its predecessor mainly because the overall tone of the movie changed. Like Hellboy toward his job, it doesn't take itself too seriously. It's noticeable in the choice of music in the film, as well as the comedic sensibilities of this movie. The act of subjecting the monsters in this movie to humanity's foibles and problems (known as "humanizing" to professors and scholars) makes the movie feel more easy-going, and was a great source of humor in the film, which also exceeded my expectations. In fact, my favorite scene in Hellboy II might've been when Hellboy introduces Abe Sapien (the guy with gills) to beer.
Speaking of monsters, the amount and variety of beasts, creatures, and freaks in this movie is simply mind-blowing, far exceeding the first movie. From watching the trailer, I'd assumed there'd be a few cool creations, and Guillermo's (I'm calling it) trademark scary-thing-with-eyes-other-than-where-they-should-be. Like John Locke, though, I was wrong. There are monsters big and small, muscular and scrawny, scary and...I'm a little hesitant to say cute.
The movie had excellent special effects/CGI, and the action scenes ranged from decent to very good. I wasn't on the edge of my seat, but unlike many of his contemporaries, del Toro made it extremely comprehendible what was happening, shying away from blurriness and quick cuts.
The movie wasn't without its issues though, Selma Blair being the main one. She plays Hellboy's love interest, Liz. She wasn't bad for the part, and I'm not saying she's a bad actress, but there were certain parts where she seemed kinda transparent. Also, there are a few parts that are a bit dramatic, but only once does it break the flow of the movie in an awkwardly shot love scene at the end. Excusable.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army is truly a movie for anybody. It was a smart move to not expect people to have seen the original in order to understand or enjoy this movie, a move probably fueled by the fact that del Toro knew this one would be better. Not only that, but it managed to stave off cheesy parts, and I really feel that almost any demographic could walk into the theater and come out satisfied.
5/7
Hellboy II: The Golden Army starts out with a grim fairy tale of sorts: the Earth used to be ruled by not only humans, but it was shared with mythical creatures. But of course, humanity wasn't satiated with only part of the world; they had to rip it out of everybody else's hands. So team mythical creatures built themselves a 'golden army,' and went to town on us humans, leaving our population a fraction of what it was, and the king of the mythical creatures full of regret. To make amends, he created a crown to control the golden army, split it into three pieces so nobody could control it on his/her own, and gave one of the pieces to the humans. This story does a good job of setting up the plot, and helping out the sense of direness that this historical tale contributes to centuries later.
This movie was more enjoyable than its predecessor mainly because the overall tone of the movie changed. Like Hellboy toward his job, it doesn't take itself too seriously. It's noticeable in the choice of music in the film, as well as the comedic sensibilities of this movie. The act of subjecting the monsters in this movie to humanity's foibles and problems (known as "humanizing" to professors and scholars) makes the movie feel more easy-going, and was a great source of humor in the film, which also exceeded my expectations. In fact, my favorite scene in Hellboy II might've been when Hellboy introduces Abe Sapien (the guy with gills) to beer.
Speaking of monsters, the amount and variety of beasts, creatures, and freaks in this movie is simply mind-blowing, far exceeding the first movie. From watching the trailer, I'd assumed there'd be a few cool creations, and Guillermo's (I'm calling it) trademark scary-thing-with-eyes-other-than-where-they-should-be. Like John Locke, though, I was wrong. There are monsters big and small, muscular and scrawny, scary and...I'm a little hesitant to say cute.
The movie had excellent special effects/CGI, and the action scenes ranged from decent to very good. I wasn't on the edge of my seat, but unlike many of his contemporaries, del Toro made it extremely comprehendible what was happening, shying away from blurriness and quick cuts.
The movie wasn't without its issues though, Selma Blair being the main one. She plays Hellboy's love interest, Liz. She wasn't bad for the part, and I'm not saying she's a bad actress, but there were certain parts where she seemed kinda transparent. Also, there are a few parts that are a bit dramatic, but only once does it break the flow of the movie in an awkwardly shot love scene at the end. Excusable.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army is truly a movie for anybody. It was a smart move to not expect people to have seen the original in order to understand or enjoy this movie, a move probably fueled by the fact that del Toro knew this one would be better. Not only that, but it managed to stave off cheesy parts, and I really feel that almost any demographic could walk into the theater and come out satisfied.
5/7
7.10.2008
We Play Stuff: Star Gazer and Sea Scape
Star Gazer
Star Gazer is a bit of a different take on a familiar type of puzzle game. Basically, you shoot stars up at a growing number of them in the sky. Like real life, the stars vary in color. Unlike in real life, the stars have ridiculous little faces on them. Or is that realistic? I dunno, I'm pretty sure I've seen that guy in the Moon at least a few times. Anyway, Star Gazer follows the rule of many other games, puzzle or not: 3 of the same color, and POOF! You've made yourself a match. One plays the game by shooting stars out of a telescope manned by a mysterious wizard. You're shown the color of the next two stars you can shoot, which is helpful and allows you to play the game much faster, which is necessary as you move up in level. What sets Star Gazer apart from the rest of the games like this is the power-ups. With features like a light that extends as far as the top of screen for increased accuracy, a ball that explodes everything in a given radius, and a bouncing ball of death that smashes any stars it hits, the power-ups certainly help when you get into the harder levels, and make the game more fun and interesting.
3/5
Sea Scape
Sea Scape touches upon a concept rarely used for games: Deep-sea treasure hunting! If you're anything like my mom, which you probably are not in any way, you'll love this game. The gameplay resembles 'escape the room' gameplay, where you just click things in order to pick them up/use them. Click the arrows on the sides to adjust your position underwater, click the large 'i' on the right to access your inventory, etc. I actually had a good time playing this game. Whether it was the multiple, good looking underwater environments, or the unusual style of game, the game actually kept me entertained until the end. The game itself is easy and took me about 18 minutes to beat. One starts out with a piece of a treasure map, and it's your job from there to find the other three, and gain the quite valuable artifacts from the ocean floor beneath. Equipped with typical diving tools -- knife, camera, plasma cutter and LED torch -- which play a large part in your success in this money-grubbing quest, you have to bust open boxes, cut stuff, burn stuff...alright. So it's not the most complex and detailed of games. It's too easy and short, but it kept me busy for a short time, perhaps it'll do the same for you.
4/5
Star Gazer is a bit of a different take on a familiar type of puzzle game. Basically, you shoot stars up at a growing number of them in the sky. Like real life, the stars vary in color. Unlike in real life, the stars have ridiculous little faces on them. Or is that realistic? I dunno, I'm pretty sure I've seen that guy in the Moon at least a few times. Anyway, Star Gazer follows the rule of many other games, puzzle or not: 3 of the same color, and POOF! You've made yourself a match. One plays the game by shooting stars out of a telescope manned by a mysterious wizard. You're shown the color of the next two stars you can shoot, which is helpful and allows you to play the game much faster, which is necessary as you move up in level. What sets Star Gazer apart from the rest of the games like this is the power-ups. With features like a light that extends as far as the top of screen for increased accuracy, a ball that explodes everything in a given radius, and a bouncing ball of death that smashes any stars it hits, the power-ups certainly help when you get into the harder levels, and make the game more fun and interesting.
3/5
Sea Scape
Sea Scape touches upon a concept rarely used for games: Deep-sea treasure hunting! If you're anything like my mom, which you probably are not in any way, you'll love this game. The gameplay resembles 'escape the room' gameplay, where you just click things in order to pick them up/use them. Click the arrows on the sides to adjust your position underwater, click the large 'i' on the right to access your inventory, etc. I actually had a good time playing this game. Whether it was the multiple, good looking underwater environments, or the unusual style of game, the game actually kept me entertained until the end. The game itself is easy and took me about 18 minutes to beat. One starts out with a piece of a treasure map, and it's your job from there to find the other three, and gain the quite valuable artifacts from the ocean floor beneath. Equipped with typical diving tools -- knife, camera, plasma cutter and LED torch -- which play a large part in your success in this money-grubbing quest, you have to bust open boxes, cut stuff, burn stuff...alright. So it's not the most complex and detailed of games. It's too easy and short, but it kept me busy for a short time, perhaps it'll do the same for you.
4/5
Danger Radio - Used and Abused
Dance rock has become a genre du jour, and Danger Radio released "Used and Abused" a bit late in the day. A style pioneered by bands like Panic! At The Disco, Cobra Starship, and even a bit by Fall Out Boy, pre-pubescent girls have latched onto it like...well, pre-pubescent girls.
Comprised of approximately one-third synthesizers, one-third over-saturated guitar, and one-third drum machine beats, "Used and Abused" is a perfect example of how to be average. The lyrics are sub-par and are mostly about girls, and losing them. The vocal melodies are uninspired and contrived, and the singer's voice isn't particularly good. He's not necessarily a bad singer, it's just he doesn't have a great voice. He doesn't show much range, save for a few breaks into a weak falsetto, attempting to channel Maroon 5, and subsequently failing. Speaking of Maroon 5, there are a few songs on this album that actually feel like they were deliberately modeled after "This Love," with the piano-enhanced bass-line and jingly, continual high-notes.
Much of the album is digital based, and a surprisingly annoying amount of the instrumentation and vocals on "Used and Abused" is computer-produced. If these guys actually have the resources, coordination, and money to pull of three-part, digitized, voice pedal'd vocal harmonies live, I'll definitely give them a little respect. Anyway, because of all the computer-produced parts, as well as their formula of using over-saturated guitar parts that just mirror the bass, their songs start to sound noticeably alike.
After listening to "Used and Abused," not one song really sticks out to me. I didn't particularly enjoy the album, and about halfway in, I started to wonder how much of it was left. Some of this music is catchy, but it's not catchy in a way that makes you wanna sing it. It's the kind of catchy that makes you almost embarrassed to remember it, two hours after you listened to it. It has mild vocal hooks, but not enough to pull you in unless you're something like a 15 year-old girl, in which case, Josh would like you to contact him immediately. The best way that I can describe the songs from "Used and Abused" is that it's myspace music. The kind of music you see your friends add to their profiles for a day or two, then never hear again. Danger Radio made a decent attempt to break into this genre, but with the hype for dance rock dying out, it's kinda too little, too late. Besides, this album's not breaking any ground in this genre anyway.
2/7
Comprised of approximately one-third synthesizers, one-third over-saturated guitar, and one-third drum machine beats, "Used and Abused" is a perfect example of how to be average. The lyrics are sub-par and are mostly about girls, and losing them. The vocal melodies are uninspired and contrived, and the singer's voice isn't particularly good. He's not necessarily a bad singer, it's just he doesn't have a great voice. He doesn't show much range, save for a few breaks into a weak falsetto, attempting to channel Maroon 5, and subsequently failing. Speaking of Maroon 5, there are a few songs on this album that actually feel like they were deliberately modeled after "This Love," with the piano-enhanced bass-line and jingly, continual high-notes.
Much of the album is digital based, and a surprisingly annoying amount of the instrumentation and vocals on "Used and Abused" is computer-produced. If these guys actually have the resources, coordination, and money to pull of three-part, digitized, voice pedal'd vocal harmonies live, I'll definitely give them a little respect. Anyway, because of all the computer-produced parts, as well as their formula of using over-saturated guitar parts that just mirror the bass, their songs start to sound noticeably alike.
After listening to "Used and Abused," not one song really sticks out to me. I didn't particularly enjoy the album, and about halfway in, I started to wonder how much of it was left. Some of this music is catchy, but it's not catchy in a way that makes you wanna sing it. It's the kind of catchy that makes you almost embarrassed to remember it, two hours after you listened to it. It has mild vocal hooks, but not enough to pull you in unless you're something like a 15 year-old girl, in which case, Josh would like you to contact him immediately. The best way that I can describe the songs from "Used and Abused" is that it's myspace music. The kind of music you see your friends add to their profiles for a day or two, then never hear again. Danger Radio made a decent attempt to break into this genre, but with the hype for dance rock dying out, it's kinda too little, too late. Besides, this album's not breaking any ground in this genre anyway.
2/7
7.07.2008
Beck - Modern Guilt
Beck, the most outlandish and flamboyant folk singer you'll ever hear, has always excited me. He basically goes around making the music he wants, turning anything he can find into an instrument. I got even more excited after learning that Danger Mouse was at the helm, producing his next release, Modern Guilt. So it saddens me to have to say that this release is just alright. Much like Jesus.
Modern Guilt finds Beck and Dangermouse striving for a stripped-down, '60s rock sound, and for all intents and purposes, succeeded. Beck has also done his job, going above and beyond with the idea, making it completely his own. A few of the songs really hit that '60s feel that I think they were going for, like Gamma Ray, which makes me wanna do the Monkey, which should be called the Human, if that old 'Monkey see, monkey do" rule holds true, but that's another story.
Chemtrails walks a thin line between wispy, high-flying cloud-like sections and thundering drums, while the titular (I just like saying that word) track, Modern Guilt, feels like a pop song for the clinically depressed, bouncy in a shoegazer sorta way. Youthless is the only song here that I can truly say feels like a Beck song, with off-beat beats, an intriguing guitar/bass combo, strange lyrics, and a memorable vocal melody, an element which this record is almost universally lacking. Thankfully, Replica harkens back to songs like "Get Real Paid," eventually reaching an angelic climax of strings, voices, and drums.
The lyrics on this album ping-pong back and forth from personal to playful, but are Beck quality. I particularly like the line "We do the best with the souls we've been given," from Walls, which is an attempt to change people's minds about bombs. Perhaps he explained the thought-process behind this album in the lyric "'I'm tired of people who only want to be pleased...well I still wanna please you.'
Danger Mouse and Beck have done a respectable job tackling a decade of sound on Modern Guilt. Retro and full of reverb, it may not be Beck's best album, but it's certainly better than The Information. This album is full of disparities -- boring but exciting, sloppy yet controlled, dark and soft but revealing and intense. I don't expect this album to be in heavy rotation besides a few of the songs, but for some reason that strikes me as okay. Also, I feel like I'm being a little harsh on Modern Guilt because I have such high expectations of Beck. All of these factors lead me to give Modern Guilt a five. In the meantime, I'll still be waiting here, hoping for a Midnite Vultures 2.
5/7
Modern Guilt finds Beck and Dangermouse striving for a stripped-down, '60s rock sound, and for all intents and purposes, succeeded. Beck has also done his job, going above and beyond with the idea, making it completely his own. A few of the songs really hit that '60s feel that I think they were going for, like Gamma Ray, which makes me wanna do the Monkey, which should be called the Human, if that old 'Monkey see, monkey do" rule holds true, but that's another story.
Chemtrails walks a thin line between wispy, high-flying cloud-like sections and thundering drums, while the titular (I just like saying that word) track, Modern Guilt, feels like a pop song for the clinically depressed, bouncy in a shoegazer sorta way. Youthless is the only song here that I can truly say feels like a Beck song, with off-beat beats, an intriguing guitar/bass combo, strange lyrics, and a memorable vocal melody, an element which this record is almost universally lacking. Thankfully, Replica harkens back to songs like "Get Real Paid," eventually reaching an angelic climax of strings, voices, and drums.
The lyrics on this album ping-pong back and forth from personal to playful, but are Beck quality. I particularly like the line "We do the best with the souls we've been given," from Walls, which is an attempt to change people's minds about bombs. Perhaps he explained the thought-process behind this album in the lyric "'I'm tired of people who only want to be pleased...well I still wanna please you.'
Danger Mouse and Beck have done a respectable job tackling a decade of sound on Modern Guilt. Retro and full of reverb, it may not be Beck's best album, but it's certainly better than The Information. This album is full of disparities -- boring but exciting, sloppy yet controlled, dark and soft but revealing and intense. I don't expect this album to be in heavy rotation besides a few of the songs, but for some reason that strikes me as okay. Also, I feel like I'm being a little harsh on Modern Guilt because I have such high expectations of Beck. All of these factors lead me to give Modern Guilt a five. In the meantime, I'll still be waiting here, hoping for a Midnite Vultures 2.
5/7
The Merry Andrews Show
Time for another We Rate Stuff request! We Request Stuff? Hmm...Anyway, today we're checking out a radio show, put on by some friends of WRS, called the Merry Andrews Show.
There are 4 people (as far as I can tell) involved in the show: Ashley (artist relations), Aly (creative writer), Jimmy (political analyst), and Marc (producer & engineer). They all pride themselves on being into music that isn't necessarily the most popular. Even though they're based in Florida (like us!), they focus on a wide variety of artists, often times international. Boasting 18 episodes so far, I found this show to be entertaining and not nearly as amateur as one would expect a local radio show to be. Then again, what's local when you have the internet?
Normal episodes consist of a blend of banter, amusing anecdotes, and indie music. As the hosts of this show are already friends, they have good chemistry interacting together, especially Ashley and Aly. Though episodes are longer than I'd expected, they're easy to sit through because of the even mix of good music and fun conversation. The Merry Andrews Show doesn't only consist of internet-radio episodes, though; they have videos, interviews, pictures of live shows, and artist news as well, all located on their website. The best part about the show is the fact that it's obvious that these people actually care that much about this music they're presenting to you.
Overall, these are just fun people. The Merry Andrews show is special because even though it's a seemingly small production, it feels like it could go big and be successful. Their website is a great place to hang around, due to the different types of content and media. The show is also a great resource if you're looking to expand your musical horizons, and I think you'd be hard pressed to find somebody who didn't like at least one song per episode. Bookmarked!
6/7
http://www.themerryandrews.com/
There are 4 people (as far as I can tell) involved in the show: Ashley (artist relations), Aly (creative writer), Jimmy (political analyst), and Marc (producer & engineer). They all pride themselves on being into music that isn't necessarily the most popular. Even though they're based in Florida (like us!), they focus on a wide variety of artists, often times international. Boasting 18 episodes so far, I found this show to be entertaining and not nearly as amateur as one would expect a local radio show to be. Then again, what's local when you have the internet?
Normal episodes consist of a blend of banter, amusing anecdotes, and indie music. As the hosts of this show are already friends, they have good chemistry interacting together, especially Ashley and Aly. Though episodes are longer than I'd expected, they're easy to sit through because of the even mix of good music and fun conversation. The Merry Andrews Show doesn't only consist of internet-radio episodes, though; they have videos, interviews, pictures of live shows, and artist news as well, all located on their website. The best part about the show is the fact that it's obvious that these people actually care that much about this music they're presenting to you.
Overall, these are just fun people. The Merry Andrews show is special because even though it's a seemingly small production, it feels like it could go big and be successful. Their website is a great place to hang around, due to the different types of content and media. The show is also a great resource if you're looking to expand your musical horizons, and I think you'd be hard pressed to find somebody who didn't like at least one song per episode. Bookmarked!
6/7
http://www.themerryandrews.com/
7.06.2008
The Hammer
Adam Carolla has been known to be loud, obnoxious, blunt, and sometimes downright mean. Such is Adam Carolla, right? Not in his new film, The Hammer. Largely based on his experiences as an actual construction worker, The Hammer is the story of a man who used to be something. He was a phenom boxer in his early years. Nowadays, he spends his days distinguishing between screws with his friend, Oswaldo. After being fired and practically impaled with a pickaxe, he decides to return to his old passion.
This movie was surprisingly good. Adam Carolla does a respectable job as basically a toned-down version of himself. The story is slightly predictable at times, but this is the type of movie where that doesn't matter. So it's a decent movie, decent story, decent acting; what makes it special?
For one thing, as far as i can tell, Carolla does the boxing himself. It's especially impressive at his age, and Carolla actually did used to be a boxing instructor, as he plays in The Hammer. Seeing Adam Carolla go at a bag like that is definitely entertaining.
The main reason that I enjoyed this movie, besides Carolla's trademark observational witticisms and..."charm," the film is full of heart, and really feels genuine. Carolla's strange attraction to his lawyer/boxing student feels sincere, and it's interesting to watch how much passion a construction worker can muster up. There's nothing really unique about this movie, but i had a good time watching it.
5/7
This movie was surprisingly good. Adam Carolla does a respectable job as basically a toned-down version of himself. The story is slightly predictable at times, but this is the type of movie where that doesn't matter. So it's a decent movie, decent story, decent acting; what makes it special?
For one thing, as far as i can tell, Carolla does the boxing himself. It's especially impressive at his age, and Carolla actually did used to be a boxing instructor, as he plays in The Hammer. Seeing Adam Carolla go at a bag like that is definitely entertaining.
The main reason that I enjoyed this movie, besides Carolla's trademark observational witticisms and..."charm," the film is full of heart, and really feels genuine. Carolla's strange attraction to his lawyer/boxing student feels sincere, and it's interesting to watch how much passion a construction worker can muster up. There's nothing really unique about this movie, but i had a good time watching it.
5/7
Check out www.freerice.com
Freerice.com is a remarkable idea: answer a question, donate some food. It's not even one cent a day anymore, it's FREE now! Free rice is a double-edged sword though, because while feeding the many hungry, it sharpens your vocabulary. I'm only up to level 33 (out of 60) and some of these words are getting hard. Or, I'm dumb. Likely the latter, but you should definitely help some people out and give 'em free rice. Think of the children!
7/7
7/7
7.04.2008
Action Friend
If ever there was a band that truly defies genre, Action Friend would be named victorious. The most fitting description I can conjure up is Mike Patton meets Miles Davis meets Frank Zappa. You might be wondering how that's even possible. Well, I am too, friends, I am too. But as hard as it is for my brain to comprehend how strange Action Friend is, I find many sections of my brain (particularly my temporal lobe) appreciating and even grooving to it.
Every song on their myspace is primarily a mash-up of styles, instruments, and noise. This is part of the reason why their music is refreshing to me -- they still seem to view music as an unabashed form of expression, even if it's more abstract than a Picasso. The fact that what they're expressing seems to change multiple times within the minute just makes it more fun. Songs often recall the frenetic, chaotic-yet-controlled drumming of Zach Hill of Hella, often with loud percussive climaxes leaving you wondering what could possibly come next. Jumping from thrash metal to jingly, country-esque guitar in an instant? Why not. A song containing ska, surf-guitar, and bossa nova with interspersed super-heavy industrial jams is a walk in the park for these guys. And pulling that off successfully is no easy feat. What makes it alright for these guys to play musical chairs with musical genres is the fact that they're ostensibly good at every one they attempt. This music is coming from a place that seems authentic rather than gimmicky and contrived. Even in the middle of "Lotion Squirts for Candy Bars" in the midst of any music teacher's nightmare where members seemingly regress back to neanderthals in order to be as arrhythmic as possible, acceptable dischord makes the experience not messy and noisy, but interestingly chaotic.
In Action Friend, I've found a band both that challenges my musical sensibilities and forces me to expand upon them. And really, I think that's how musical progress is made, even if it doesn't catch the ears of the masses, or rather, inflicts panoramic and otogenic pain upon them. It may not make for easy listening, and I definitely wouldn't put it on to relax, but Action Friend indeed fills a niche that is sorely lacking in contenders today.
6/7
Check out Action Friend
Every song on their myspace is primarily a mash-up of styles, instruments, and noise. This is part of the reason why their music is refreshing to me -- they still seem to view music as an unabashed form of expression, even if it's more abstract than a Picasso. The fact that what they're expressing seems to change multiple times within the minute just makes it more fun. Songs often recall the frenetic, chaotic-yet-controlled drumming of Zach Hill of Hella, often with loud percussive climaxes leaving you wondering what could possibly come next. Jumping from thrash metal to jingly, country-esque guitar in an instant? Why not. A song containing ska, surf-guitar, and bossa nova with interspersed super-heavy industrial jams is a walk in the park for these guys. And pulling that off successfully is no easy feat. What makes it alright for these guys to play musical chairs with musical genres is the fact that they're ostensibly good at every one they attempt. This music is coming from a place that seems authentic rather than gimmicky and contrived. Even in the middle of "Lotion Squirts for Candy Bars" in the midst of any music teacher's nightmare where members seemingly regress back to neanderthals in order to be as arrhythmic as possible, acceptable dischord makes the experience not messy and noisy, but interestingly chaotic.
In Action Friend, I've found a band both that challenges my musical sensibilities and forces me to expand upon them. And really, I think that's how musical progress is made, even if it doesn't catch the ears of the masses, or rather, inflicts panoramic and otogenic pain upon them. It may not make for easy listening, and I definitely wouldn't put it on to relax, but Action Friend indeed fills a niche that is sorely lacking in contenders today.
6/7
Check out Action Friend
7.03.2008
Mountain Dew Promotion
Mountain Dew has a current promotion where they release three new flavors, one of which will become permanent, while the others fade into soda obscurity. It's up to you to decide which one it should be! While I can't be your taste buds for you (wish I could, that'd be interesting), I can try to help you make that decision with those magical little things we call descriptions.
First up to the plate is Voltage, which is apparently a Raspberry-Citrus blend, but it couldn't taste any more different from that. Upon sipping this drink I experienced many different tastes, including (but not limited to): Cotton candy, gummy bears, an energy drink, and bubble gum. So basically, Voltage is the junk-food equivalent of Willy Wonka's 3-course meal gum. An incident of note: I dropped the bottle of Voltage, and the flavor was significantly reduced, leaving only a fraction of the original (which was actually quite intense). The taste lessened the more I drank, as well. Normally I'd chalk this up to my taste buds becoming acquainted with the taste, but I couldn't say the same for the other two flavors, so I don't think that explains it. No matter how I look at it, Voltage tastes good. 5/7
Next up is Revolution, a wild berry flavored soda. Upon first sip, Revolution has a mildly skunky-sweet taste, which sounds gross as hell, but there's a certain appeal to it. Wild Berry is a moderately accurate description of the flavor, more accurate than Voltage, but like Voltage, this thing takes on tastes of its own sometimes. After a while, this soda starts to taste like medicine, which is quite the opposite of good. The bads outweigh the goods on this one, and I can't say I'm a fan. 3/7
Last is Supernova, the Strawberry-Melon soda. After drinking this, I can confidently say that this is the only flavor out of the three that actually feels/tastes refreshing. Also, Supernova actually tastes like what it's supposed to, strawberry-melon. It's cool to be able to pick out both of those flavors. This one's a bit more on the sour side than the other two, also. Supernova is the most consistently and easily drinkable out of the three, and I can't really find anything bad to say about it. 6/7
It's kind of funny how the names of these drinks are all SUCH soda names. Voltage? Supernova? REVOLUTION?? Here are some more for you, Mountain Dew (I'll be expecting royalties): Electricity, Meltdown, Face-punch, Tongue Twist, Moonburst, Night Life, and Cosmos.
All of these sodas are very heavy and filling, and I couldn't finish a bottle of any of them. Now that I've given you some info to run with, it's your turn to decide which one stands victorious. My personal vote goes to Voltage, because although Supernova has less downsides and I rated it higher, it's less unique. In the soda world, the most important thing to strive for (or at least it should be) is bringing something new to the table, and I feel Voltage does this better than the other two options.
First up to the plate is Voltage, which is apparently a Raspberry-Citrus blend, but it couldn't taste any more different from that. Upon sipping this drink I experienced many different tastes, including (but not limited to): Cotton candy, gummy bears, an energy drink, and bubble gum. So basically, Voltage is the junk-food equivalent of Willy Wonka's 3-course meal gum. An incident of note: I dropped the bottle of Voltage, and the flavor was significantly reduced, leaving only a fraction of the original (which was actually quite intense). The taste lessened the more I drank, as well. Normally I'd chalk this up to my taste buds becoming acquainted with the taste, but I couldn't say the same for the other two flavors, so I don't think that explains it. No matter how I look at it, Voltage tastes good. 5/7
Next up is Revolution, a wild berry flavored soda. Upon first sip, Revolution has a mildly skunky-sweet taste, which sounds gross as hell, but there's a certain appeal to it. Wild Berry is a moderately accurate description of the flavor, more accurate than Voltage, but like Voltage, this thing takes on tastes of its own sometimes. After a while, this soda starts to taste like medicine, which is quite the opposite of good. The bads outweigh the goods on this one, and I can't say I'm a fan. 3/7
Last is Supernova, the Strawberry-Melon soda. After drinking this, I can confidently say that this is the only flavor out of the three that actually feels/tastes refreshing. Also, Supernova actually tastes like what it's supposed to, strawberry-melon. It's cool to be able to pick out both of those flavors. This one's a bit more on the sour side than the other two, also. Supernova is the most consistently and easily drinkable out of the three, and I can't really find anything bad to say about it. 6/7
It's kind of funny how the names of these drinks are all SUCH soda names. Voltage? Supernova? REVOLUTION?? Here are some more for you, Mountain Dew (I'll be expecting royalties): Electricity, Meltdown, Face-punch, Tongue Twist, Moonburst, Night Life, and Cosmos.
All of these sodas are very heavy and filling, and I couldn't finish a bottle of any of them. Now that I've given you some info to run with, it's your turn to decide which one stands victorious. My personal vote goes to Voltage, because although Supernova has less downsides and I rated it higher, it's less unique. In the soda world, the most important thing to strive for (or at least it should be) is bringing something new to the table, and I feel Voltage does this better than the other two options.
Cheesy Cheddar BBQ Cheetos
The latest in Cheetos' quest to make a million different flavored, shaped, and textured snacks has arrived. It comes in the form of "Cheesy Cheddar BBQ" crunchy Cheetos, addressing another niche in the snack genre, the classic barbecue flavor. But how dire is the need to produce yet another barbecue-flavored snack? You can walk down any snack aisle in any gas station at any given time and find at least 10 different varieties of barbecue chip. Cheetos shouldn't be drudging up the past, get creative! How about ranch-bacon-cheddar explosion cheetos? What about spicy guacamole cheetos? For God's sake, Cheetos, what about super extreme breakfast snacks?
My main problem with this bag 'o snacks is that it's just not cheetos. I buy cheetos for one reason: to temporaralyze (coined!) my mouth from a false cheese overdose. Not to taste the same thing that countless other bags are already trying to tempt me with. Doesn't work for them, won't work for you, Chester. Not only that, but once you actually bite into the cheeto, it's a very misleading ordeal. It feels like a cheeto, but the impact isn't there, replaced by a mildly sweet, not too cheesy BBQ experience. I have to be honest though; these things did start to grow on me after the initial shock wore off. Then again, I'm a fan of chili cheddar Fritos, too. What's to stop me from getting those instead? Nothing. And that's why Cheesy Cheddar BBQ Cheetos are only decent.
3/7
My main problem with this bag 'o snacks is that it's just not cheetos. I buy cheetos for one reason: to temporaralyze (coined!) my mouth from a false cheese overdose. Not to taste the same thing that countless other bags are already trying to tempt me with. Doesn't work for them, won't work for you, Chester. Not only that, but once you actually bite into the cheeto, it's a very misleading ordeal. It feels like a cheeto, but the impact isn't there, replaced by a mildly sweet, not too cheesy BBQ experience. I have to be honest though; these things did start to grow on me after the initial shock wore off. Then again, I'm a fan of chili cheddar Fritos, too. What's to stop me from getting those instead? Nothing. And that's why Cheesy Cheddar BBQ Cheetos are only decent.
3/7
7.01.2008
Canceled TV Shows
Third Rock From the Sun
John Lithgow may be the most emotive person on the planet Earth, and God bless him for it. Dick Solomon and his alien crew, consisting of Sally (the weapons expert), Tommy (the oldest), and Harry (the communicator), have been sent to study Earth people and traditions by the Big Giant Head. Problem is, they know nothing about Earth. Most of the comedy in the show is derived from this fact, putting the aliens in completely unfamiliar situations, and showing how badly they mess them up. That, and John Lithgow's ability to make anything funny with one expression. Another thing that made this show great was the fact that often the show was getting at some deeper insight that would help explain the Earth to the alien crew. Though they weren't always the most original insights, the unique way they were gotten to made it all worth it. Many good, recurring characters, many good, recurring gags, many laughs.
Mr. Show
"Hey everybody, it's Bob and David!" Upon hearing these words, no matter what strangely dressed mascot uttered them, you knew something good was coming. They were the introductory words to each episode of the great Mr. Show, an abandoned empire of hilarity, intelligence, and satire. Starring Bob Odenkirk and David Cross, as well as then-up-and-comers Brian Posehn, Jay Johnston, Tom Kerry, Sarah Silverman, and Jack Black (to name a few), the show contained some truly magical sketch-comedy moments. The show was even more unique due to the strange segues from scene to scene. Mocking subjects like religion, consumerism, and capitalism with ease, the show had a loud voice that has only increased since the release of the DVDs. Mix all that together and you have one show that should not have been canceled.
Twin Peaks
Twin Peaks has always been a confusing show to me. The reason for this is the fact that it's basically a Soap Opera, but at the same time it's so bad ass. Created by Mark Frost and David Lynch, the show was about a girl named Laura Palmer, popular, prom-queen material, who turned up dead, floating in a river. Much of the show is dedicated to figuring out who murdered Laura, but just as much is dedicated to the relationships and goings-on in the small but eccentric town of Twin Peaks as well. Carrying David Lynch's tradition of creepy, strange productions, Twin Peaks became known for having twists and the end of most episodes, cliffhangers that add to the mystery and suspense. The show is very supernatural, while managing to maintain that small-town, at home kinda feel. It was one of the first shows that people were excited to talk about the next day. Television would not be the same if it were not for Twin Peaks.
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