If you read any movie sites/blogs, you probably didn't have exceedingly high hopes for Valkyrie, Tom Cruise and Bryan Singer's WWII film about Claus von Stauffenberg, the man who committed the most significant attempt on die Führer, Adolf Hitler's life. There was a flurry of bad press a month or two ago, ranging from extras suing the studio due to injuries, an edited picture of the real von Stauffenberg used in a media comparison with Tom Cruise, Germany's Finance Ministry denying filming privileges, and even Claus von Stauffenberg's son objecting to Cruise portraying his father.
The movie seems to have powered through, though, to a relatively successful opening on Christmas day. I've read reviews that the movie is somewhat factually inaccurate, but then again, that's why it says based on a true story. Apparently von Stauffenberg actually did support Nazi ideals, and only later sought to usurp Hitler mostly due to his inefficiency during wartime. Important to note for general knowledge, but as far as the film goes, it's obviously contorted a bit to make most associated parties seem a bit more noble and correct in their views. And who knows, maybe their reasons truly were noble; these things often become more and more gray throughout the years. The movie doesn't show or even mention anything in von Stauffenberg's life before talks of Operation Valkyrie begin, so it works out pretty conveniently.
Now, Tom Cruise is practically a pariah outside of Hollywood at this point, further alienating himself from normal people through his Scientological endeavors. But that doesn't stop him from consistently churning out quality performances (with the exception of Tropic Thunder -- wtf? Well, I guess he knows better than me how studio heads act.) The same holds true for Valkyrie. Sure, he was a little robotic, but that's pretty much the role the movie called for. The movie, not the story. I was extremely put off at first at Cruise's lack of AT LEAST a German accent, but they kinda made it work with the movie, starting out the narration in German with subtitles, which quickly fades to Cruise speaking English.
As far as the actual movie goes, I was pretty impressed. They do a good job of portraying how historically significant this whole plot was, and an even better job at making the movie adequately tense and intense. The supporting cast performed perhaps equally as Cruise, if not better, and most of the high ranking German officials are played by familiar faces (to adults, at least). I loved how the movie seemed like it was filmed in a past era, giving it a softened, warm feel.
I thought that this movie would be a letdown, but I honestly loved this movie. It played out perfectly, and, factually accurate or not, it's a damned remarkable story. I don't think it marks a return for Tom Cruise to his legendary status, but it's undeniably a step in the right direction.
6/7
12.25.2008
12.19.2008
Pomegranate 7-Up
I actually did some research in order to review this product. I had to, because I'd never tasted a Pomegranate, which is the newest fruit craze, especially amongst health buffs due to its many beneficial properties. Coincidentally enough, or because my grandparents are in town, I happened to find one no further than my kitchen counter.
If you've never eaten a Pomegranate, let me tell you, it's an exceedingly strange fruit. In fact, you don't even eat it. You (kinda) eat the seeds, which make up probably 80% of the fruit itself. The seeds are surrounded by juice and an outer case called an 'aril'. You can eat both the aril and the seed, or just break the aril and suck out the juice. But the seeds are one of the best sources of fiber.
Anyway, back to this drink. After three cans of this stuff, and endless wondering whether or not it's just me, as far as I can tell, there is no discernible flavor to this drink. I've now experienced the Pomegranate flavor, and I really can't pick it out of the crowd in this case. In fact, I can barely even get the normal 7-up flavor, which they pride themselves on.
That being said, it's a decent drink. Whatever flavor it has, it's not disagreeable. Not great, but not disagreeable. It is very carbonated, though, so you get more bubbles than liquid. It's sweet, and if I had to describe the actual flavor of the drink, it'd just be 'slightly red'. I have to say, I think I a completely neutral opinion of this drink. That's a first.
3/7
If you've never eaten a Pomegranate, let me tell you, it's an exceedingly strange fruit. In fact, you don't even eat it. You (kinda) eat the seeds, which make up probably 80% of the fruit itself. The seeds are surrounded by juice and an outer case called an 'aril'. You can eat both the aril and the seed, or just break the aril and suck out the juice. But the seeds are one of the best sources of fiber.
Anyway, back to this drink. After three cans of this stuff, and endless wondering whether or not it's just me, as far as I can tell, there is no discernible flavor to this drink. I've now experienced the Pomegranate flavor, and I really can't pick it out of the crowd in this case. In fact, I can barely even get the normal 7-up flavor, which they pride themselves on.
That being said, it's a decent drink. Whatever flavor it has, it's not disagreeable. Not great, but not disagreeable. It is very carbonated, though, so you get more bubbles than liquid. It's sweet, and if I had to describe the actual flavor of the drink, it'd just be 'slightly red'. I have to say, I think I a completely neutral opinion of this drink. That's a first.
3/7
12.18.2008
Flight of the Conchords - Season 2 Premier
Last time we saw Bret and Jemaine, they were being neglected by longtime manager Murray, in favor of his new clients, The Crazy Dogggz, whose single "Doggy Bounce" is number one in 24 countries. Needless to say, Murray's raking in cash, and the Conchords are not. Flight of the Conchords usually turn in their best performances when they're down, but the second season premier is just pretty good.
I can't really complain, though; they released the premier online more than a month before it airs on HBO, which is nothing short of fucking awesome.
The first episode of what is likely the final season starts out with a band meeting. Something's different, though... perhaps it's the fact that they're in an enormous, luxurious office that belongs to none other than Murray himself. Quite a drastic change from the claustrophobic wooden box that was Murray's old office. After accidentally reading them a few of the Crazy Dogggz' news items ("Your CD has made double-platinum in America."), the Conchords do something that many would argue they should've done long ago: fire Murray. They want to manage themselves. At this point, we get a treat that was probably inevitable after the first: another song by Murray. Or, at least partially.
They manage (see what I did?) to get a gig of their own (in which they're playing a funky song that I hope we might hear more of), and it actually goes well. A man from Great Expectations, a NY agency, played by Whose Line favorite Greg Proops, approaches them after the show to write a jingle for women's (only!) toothpaste. Thus, their first Murray-free band meeting ensues. Unsurprisingly, it's much shorter than usual. They take the deal, which is revealed to have been offered to them because they 'look like two guys who understand how women feel'.
All the classic Conchords characters make a return in this episode. Mel, as extreme in her fandom as ever, is found burning a bunch of Crazy Dogggz merchandise bossing around Doug, for reasons that I will not specify. Dave is there, as always, with sage advice on how to negotiate a deal with the Great Expectations representatives.
The show itself has obviously gotten a bigger budget, and the vibe is more grand, but it still retains that indie comedy feel to it. The jokes are still as dry and awkward and clever, including one especially brilliant joke about Women's Rights that I absolutely loved. There were a few recurring jokes. The episode's songs weren't the greatest -- Murray's song isn't exceedingly humorous, and the other song is actually a pretty old one called "Angels", but it's still good. Overall, it's a quality episode, good, but not great. It doesn't really surpass most of the first season episodes in terms of comedy, music, or concept, yet thankfully it manages to feel as fresh and unique as the first season. I have a feeling the second episode and on will be much better.
4/7
I can't really complain, though; they released the premier online more than a month before it airs on HBO, which is nothing short of fucking awesome.
The first episode of what is likely the final season starts out with a band meeting. Something's different, though... perhaps it's the fact that they're in an enormous, luxurious office that belongs to none other than Murray himself. Quite a drastic change from the claustrophobic wooden box that was Murray's old office. After accidentally reading them a few of the Crazy Dogggz' news items ("Your CD has made double-platinum in America."), the Conchords do something that many would argue they should've done long ago: fire Murray. They want to manage themselves. At this point, we get a treat that was probably inevitable after the first: another song by Murray. Or, at least partially.
They manage (see what I did?) to get a gig of their own (in which they're playing a funky song that I hope we might hear more of), and it actually goes well. A man from Great Expectations, a NY agency, played by Whose Line favorite Greg Proops, approaches them after the show to write a jingle for women's (only!) toothpaste. Thus, their first Murray-free band meeting ensues. Unsurprisingly, it's much shorter than usual. They take the deal, which is revealed to have been offered to them because they 'look like two guys who understand how women feel'.
All the classic Conchords characters make a return in this episode. Mel, as extreme in her fandom as ever, is found burning a bunch of Crazy Dogggz merchandise bossing around Doug, for reasons that I will not specify. Dave is there, as always, with sage advice on how to negotiate a deal with the Great Expectations representatives.
The show itself has obviously gotten a bigger budget, and the vibe is more grand, but it still retains that indie comedy feel to it. The jokes are still as dry and awkward and clever, including one especially brilliant joke about Women's Rights that I absolutely loved. There were a few recurring jokes. The episode's songs weren't the greatest -- Murray's song isn't exceedingly humorous, and the other song is actually a pretty old one called "Angels", but it's still good. Overall, it's a quality episode, good, but not great. It doesn't really surpass most of the first season episodes in terms of comedy, music, or concept, yet thankfully it manages to feel as fresh and unique as the first season. I have a feeling the second episode and on will be much better.
4/7
12.11.2008
Frosted Flakes Gold
One time when I was like 12 years old, I was pouring myself some Frosted Flakes when a large, black, disgusting flake made its way out of the bag and into my bowl. I didn't know what to do, so I dumped the entire bowl in the trash and proceeded to avoid Frosted Flakes for the next few years. It was pretty traumatizing. Eventually, though, I overcame my disdain for Frosted Flakes and came around to 'em again, though not without lots and lots of therapy.
So then yesterday, I opened up my pantry, and what do I see, but Frosted Flakes Gold? I had absolutely no idea what was going on. Turns out it was based on Golden Grahams, in that they had removed the creme flavored icing and replaced it with honey. It occurred to me that Golden Grahams are great, so I grabbed a bowl.
I took a bite. The first thing that hit me was the flavor; it was actually pretty intense. But it wasn't overpowering, you could still taste the 'flake' of it. The honey was definitely there, and I think I tasted a hint of vanilla as well. The texture is different to normal Frosted Flakes also; they feel thicker and crunchier, which is great. Over time I realized that the milk wasn't really taking away the honey flavor, and that the flakes tended to stay crunchy for longer than most other cereals. Five minutes in I was scooping flakes off the bottom of the bowl, submerged completely in milk, and they probably had 80% crunchiness still. My theory is that the honey is so sticky and dense that it serves as a delicious barrier to the milk, thus protecting the flavor AND the crunch of the cereal. Brilliant.
6/7
So then yesterday, I opened up my pantry, and what do I see, but Frosted Flakes Gold? I had absolutely no idea what was going on. Turns out it was based on Golden Grahams, in that they had removed the creme flavored icing and replaced it with honey. It occurred to me that Golden Grahams are great, so I grabbed a bowl.
I took a bite. The first thing that hit me was the flavor; it was actually pretty intense. But it wasn't overpowering, you could still taste the 'flake' of it. The honey was definitely there, and I think I tasted a hint of vanilla as well. The texture is different to normal Frosted Flakes also; they feel thicker and crunchier, which is great. Over time I realized that the milk wasn't really taking away the honey flavor, and that the flakes tended to stay crunchy for longer than most other cereals. Five minutes in I was scooping flakes off the bottom of the bowl, submerged completely in milk, and they probably had 80% crunchiness still. My theory is that the honey is so sticky and dense that it serves as a delicious barrier to the milk, thus protecting the flavor AND the crunch of the cereal. Brilliant.
6/7
12.10.2008
Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago
I know I'm a bit late to the game on this one, but I found it difficult to critique such an intimidatingly unique work. Just to recap for the two or three people who use the internet that don't know and love Bon Iver already, Bon Iver is a guy named Justin Vernon. Coming off a breakup with a girlfriend AND a band, he ventured up to his father's cabin in a remote area of Wisconsin. There, he started accumulating songs over a three month period, but he had no plans to release them. However, due to positive feedback from those who heard it, he went ahead and did it anyway, and the rest is indie history.
So the music isn't the only part of this project that is unque; the conditions surrounding its birth were as well. The music is the recollection of that experience, though, and that's strikingly obvious in the songs. They're melancholic, wintry, and bare, but I bet that won't stop you from obsessing over them. The lyrics are certainly interesting; most of them were written around the syllables he used to make the melodies. But it's the vocals that will really get you. Like I said, Bon Iver is one guy, which means all the vocals you hear on the record are directly attributed to him, believe it or not. If you've already heard the album, you know how truly crazy that is.
For Emma, Forever Ago is a universally haunting album, and it's startlingly raw emotionally. The music is very minimalist, apart from the vocals. It's got hooks aplenty to keep you coming back for more, but they're not the usual temporary pop hooks; these hooks grab onto you and don't let go. I'm talking about some deeply satisfying, memorable hooks. An instant indie gem, For Emma, Forever Ago is going to be around for a while, but it deserves every second of recognition it gets. This review is short for such an amazing product, but I really believe that reading anything I or anyone else could say about it is utterly futile, and this is something that has to be experienced firsthand. So get to it!
7/7
So the music isn't the only part of this project that is unque; the conditions surrounding its birth were as well. The music is the recollection of that experience, though, and that's strikingly obvious in the songs. They're melancholic, wintry, and bare, but I bet that won't stop you from obsessing over them. The lyrics are certainly interesting; most of them were written around the syllables he used to make the melodies. But it's the vocals that will really get you. Like I said, Bon Iver is one guy, which means all the vocals you hear on the record are directly attributed to him, believe it or not. If you've already heard the album, you know how truly crazy that is.
For Emma, Forever Ago is a universally haunting album, and it's startlingly raw emotionally. The music is very minimalist, apart from the vocals. It's got hooks aplenty to keep you coming back for more, but they're not the usual temporary pop hooks; these hooks grab onto you and don't let go. I'm talking about some deeply satisfying, memorable hooks. An instant indie gem, For Emma, Forever Ago is going to be around for a while, but it deserves every second of recognition it gets. This review is short for such an amazing product, but I really believe that reading anything I or anyone else could say about it is utterly futile, and this is something that has to be experienced firsthand. So get to it!
7/7
12.09.2008
Jake Shimabukuro - Walking Down Rainhill
I recently saw Jake Shimabukuro on Conan O'Brien. Conan was going on about how amazing his next act was, when it cut to Jake starting to play a familiar tune on his little ukulele. Turned out to be a cover of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps." And it was a great one at that, which is hard to say about 99% of Beatles covers. It was intense and captivating, frenetic and graceful. He was rocking out. So I decided to pick up the album that Jake had made with that cover on it, called Walking Down Rainhill.
I didn't really know what to expect because I didn't know who Jake Shimabukuro was. He's a Japanese-American from Hawaii. He got his start in Pure Heart, a Hawaiian trio that won multiple awards at the Hawaiian Grammys. I also expected most, if not all, of the album to be just Jake and his ukulele, playing intense music that you wouldn't believe was coming out of that tiny instrument. I was half right.
Some of the music is insane, but the majority of it is radio friendly music accompanied by Jake's incredible ukulele skills. The album suffers a bit from that slick Hawaiian style of production, causing it to sound a bit too mainstream and perhaps like something that your grandmother would listen to. I don't think it's a great representation of Shimabukuro's style or songwriting skills, but it does prove how amazing he is at the ukulele. The songs on Walking Down Rainhill cover most genres -- it has adult contemporary music (Heartbreak, Walking Down Rainhill, Blue Roses Falling), a seventies style song (Grandma's Groove), a 50's diner kinda song (6 In The Morning), a surf-rock song (Toastman's Wave), an amazing jazz song (Wes On Four), even a Honolulu Marathon Theme (Rainbow). And then there's the Beatles cover itself. While My Guitar Gently Weeps is certainly the centerpiece of the album, but it's nowhere near as good as when he played it on Conan. It's more restrained, and worst of all, it's not just him on the uke. About halfway in, other instruments find their way into the mix, which is exactly what I didn't want to hear. While this was a mite disappointing, the cover itself is still more than satisfactory and definitely fun to listen to.
While I was only half correct in my expectations, the unexpected half isn't actually that bad. There's no song on the album that I would go out of my way to not listen to; they're all rather relaxing and pleasant. A few of them are great, even. However, as I stated before, I don't really think this is an accurate representation of the full spectrum of Jake Shimabukuro. He plays some bafflingly beautiful and inventive lines and melodies, but it's the underlying instrumentation that got to me. I want to hear a composition that is 100% Shimabukuro; I want an album of straight-up, ONLY ukulele, ONLY Shimabukuro penned songs. Backing music or not, Jake Shimabukuro is obviously an extremely adept ukulele player an musician in general. His influences have honed in him a fantastic musical sensibility, one that pops its head up rather often on this album.
5/7
I didn't really know what to expect because I didn't know who Jake Shimabukuro was. He's a Japanese-American from Hawaii. He got his start in Pure Heart, a Hawaiian trio that won multiple awards at the Hawaiian Grammys. I also expected most, if not all, of the album to be just Jake and his ukulele, playing intense music that you wouldn't believe was coming out of that tiny instrument. I was half right.
Some of the music is insane, but the majority of it is radio friendly music accompanied by Jake's incredible ukulele skills. The album suffers a bit from that slick Hawaiian style of production, causing it to sound a bit too mainstream and perhaps like something that your grandmother would listen to. I don't think it's a great representation of Shimabukuro's style or songwriting skills, but it does prove how amazing he is at the ukulele. The songs on Walking Down Rainhill cover most genres -- it has adult contemporary music (Heartbreak, Walking Down Rainhill, Blue Roses Falling), a seventies style song (Grandma's Groove), a 50's diner kinda song (6 In The Morning), a surf-rock song (Toastman's Wave), an amazing jazz song (Wes On Four), even a Honolulu Marathon Theme (Rainbow). And then there's the Beatles cover itself. While My Guitar Gently Weeps is certainly the centerpiece of the album, but it's nowhere near as good as when he played it on Conan. It's more restrained, and worst of all, it's not just him on the uke. About halfway in, other instruments find their way into the mix, which is exactly what I didn't want to hear. While this was a mite disappointing, the cover itself is still more than satisfactory and definitely fun to listen to.
While I was only half correct in my expectations, the unexpected half isn't actually that bad. There's no song on the album that I would go out of my way to not listen to; they're all rather relaxing and pleasant. A few of them are great, even. However, as I stated before, I don't really think this is an accurate representation of the full spectrum of Jake Shimabukuro. He plays some bafflingly beautiful and inventive lines and melodies, but it's the underlying instrumentation that got to me. I want to hear a composition that is 100% Shimabukuro; I want an album of straight-up, ONLY ukulele, ONLY Shimabukuro penned songs. Backing music or not, Jake Shimabukuro is obviously an extremely adept ukulele player an musician in general. His influences have honed in him a fantastic musical sensibility, one that pops its head up rather often on this album.
5/7
12.03.2008
Trident Splash - Citrus with Blackberry
I always thought Trident's "Splash" gum was a novel idea -- delicious juice of one flavor inside a chewy gum coating of another flavor. Kinda like a gusher that you can keep chewing on. In theory, it's perfect. The problem is the inevitable, inescapable dilemma that every gum manufacturer, except for Stride apparently, faces: loss of flavor.
Flavor loss or not, Trident Splash is great for at least ten seconds. After that, it's up to you, really. That was the rule for the original flavor - Strawberry Lime - and that's the deal with Citrus Blackberry as well. The good thing here is that the Citrus Blackberry flavor is much more exquisite than the original. It's tart and sweet, and both flavors make their presence known rather well.
I chewed this gum until the flavor completely dissipated, and it took a good half hour before it started to taste like my mouth. That's actually a relatively respectable amount of time. My gums actually got a bit achey before the flavor split, but then again, I'm not a frequent chewer. A good half hour of tooth-cleaning power with a fantastic taste yields some pretty good gum.
5/7
Flavor loss or not, Trident Splash is great for at least ten seconds. After that, it's up to you, really. That was the rule for the original flavor - Strawberry Lime - and that's the deal with Citrus Blackberry as well. The good thing here is that the Citrus Blackberry flavor is much more exquisite than the original. It's tart and sweet, and both flavors make their presence known rather well.
I chewed this gum until the flavor completely dissipated, and it took a good half hour before it started to taste like my mouth. That's actually a relatively respectable amount of time. My gums actually got a bit achey before the flavor split, but then again, I'm not a frequent chewer. A good half hour of tooth-cleaning power with a fantastic taste yields some pretty good gum.
5/7
12.02.2008
Zack and Miri Make A Porno
I'd like to start this review by saying that I am not the world's biggest Kevin Smith fan. Don't hate the guy; I just don't like some of his movies as much as many around me do. Mallrats had some good parts, Clerks 2 had a few laughs, too. Sometimes his movies just get a bit aimlessly preachy for my taste, but to each his/her own. I am, however, as much a sucker for Seth Rogen as the next dude, and Elizabeth Banks has proven to be pretty awesome in stuff like Wet Hot American Summer and Scrubs and such. And I liked the poster that our silly little nation has banned.
I'm glad I watched it. It was different from a normal Kevin Smith movie, but not unrecognizably so. It had just the right about of Kevin Smith wit; he did a pretty good job of restraining the fluff and keeping the jokes reasonable. No 15 minute Star Wars rants in this one, although I can see how that is sometimes necessary.
To state the obvious, Seth Rogen is Zack Brown and Elizabeth Banks is Miri(am) Linky, longtime friends since the first grade. They grew up together, and now they live together, nice and platonic. One day, their utilities get shut down, and they realize they can't even pay the rent. So they have to do something, and we all know how that ends up. And you'll know pretty much throughout the whole movie, but the good thing is Kevin Smith acknowledges that and makes it work.
Seth Rogen is great in it. He's almost the same as usual. Elizabeth banks was highly enjoyable, and her scene at the High School Reunion was hilarious, her desperation and awkwardness were perfect. Which brings me to my next point: Brandon Routh was awesome in this movie. It's great that he can be Superman and then be fucking around in a little Kevin Smith movie. He definitely helps class up the film.
I really do have the say that I felt and saw an actual connection between Rogen and Banks, Zack and Miri. It's a good pair, they're both kinda dry and witty. Definitely more on-screen chemistry than Rogen and Heigl.
I gotta say, I thoroughly enjoyed the little slice of Monroe, Pennsylvania that Kevin Smith has cooked up in Zack and Miri Make a Porno. The entire cast was perfect, though slight in number, each character was indeed a character. Especially Craig Robinson, who is incredibly and restrainedly hilarious in this movie. Zack and Miri Make a Porno has the perfect amount of Kevin Smith in it, and a good portion of that is included in the jokes, which are often crude, but couldn't sound better coming from anyone other than Seth Rogen. It seems that Kevin Smith has finally caved in and made what can almost be called a normal romantic-comedy, albeit a great one. It's quaint but simultaneously so much the opposite. Whether this will impress or duress longtime fans of Smith's, only time and the messageboards can tell.
7/7
I'm glad I watched it. It was different from a normal Kevin Smith movie, but not unrecognizably so. It had just the right about of Kevin Smith wit; he did a pretty good job of restraining the fluff and keeping the jokes reasonable. No 15 minute Star Wars rants in this one, although I can see how that is sometimes necessary.
To state the obvious, Seth Rogen is Zack Brown and Elizabeth Banks is Miri(am) Linky, longtime friends since the first grade. They grew up together, and now they live together, nice and platonic. One day, their utilities get shut down, and they realize they can't even pay the rent. So they have to do something, and we all know how that ends up. And you'll know pretty much throughout the whole movie, but the good thing is Kevin Smith acknowledges that and makes it work.
Seth Rogen is great in it. He's almost the same as usual. Elizabeth banks was highly enjoyable, and her scene at the High School Reunion was hilarious, her desperation and awkwardness were perfect. Which brings me to my next point: Brandon Routh was awesome in this movie. It's great that he can be Superman and then be fucking around in a little Kevin Smith movie. He definitely helps class up the film.
I really do have the say that I felt and saw an actual connection between Rogen and Banks, Zack and Miri. It's a good pair, they're both kinda dry and witty. Definitely more on-screen chemistry than Rogen and Heigl.
I gotta say, I thoroughly enjoyed the little slice of Monroe, Pennsylvania that Kevin Smith has cooked up in Zack and Miri Make a Porno. The entire cast was perfect, though slight in number, each character was indeed a character. Especially Craig Robinson, who is incredibly and restrainedly hilarious in this movie. Zack and Miri Make a Porno has the perfect amount of Kevin Smith in it, and a good portion of that is included in the jokes, which are often crude, but couldn't sound better coming from anyone other than Seth Rogen. It seems that Kevin Smith has finally caved in and made what can almost be called a normal romantic-comedy, albeit a great one. It's quaint but simultaneously so much the opposite. Whether this will impress or duress longtime fans of Smith's, only time and the messageboards can tell.
7/7
11.28.2008
The Wellingtons - Heading North for the Winter
Right on the front page of their Myspace, The Wellingtons establish one important fact: Life is too short to listen to bad power pop. And they're right, it is. So you should definitely check out The Wellingtons, because they indeed play good power pop. Their music is very reminiscent of an era gone by; the late fifties, early sixties, perhaps. The thing is, they've gone and taken it apart piece by piece, tweaked it in some places, took out what they didn't want, and put it back together. What they ended up with is an album of finely crafted and noticeably honed pop music that is solidly catchy and accessible through and through.
Though the album is called Heading North for the Winter, it reminds me more of a sixties beach party, where everybody is surfing in the fashionable swimwear of the moment. The best part is, it's just as fun as one. The members of The Wellingtons obviously have great pop sensibilities, because pretty much every song is radio friendly, and most of them are catchy enough to be a hit.
I like that they use a good variety of instruments, too. They have a keyboard player that doubles as a piano player, and there are various songs on which they use horns, and even one song with a music box-esque effect that serves as a sort of overture for the song, introducing you to the wonderful upcoming melodies that are about to ask your eardrums if they may have this dance.
The lyrics are mostly about girls and the like, or perhaps boys, depending on who in the band writes the songs. But this is not a band that's attempting to break the boundaries of music as we know it. This is a band that is dedicated to fun, and it really shines through in their music. You'd probably have a great time if you got to hang out with these people.
The Wellingtons play some seriously catchy power pop. They're a rather bouncy band, which is great, cause those are declining in number and quality quickly. Heading North for the Winter has an insane amount of hooks and each song seems catchier than the last. If you're wondering exactly what they sound like, the best comparison I can think of is The Pink Spiders + Houston Calls x The Beatles = The Wellingtons. Do yourself a favor and open your ears for them, because, as they've so correctly established, life's too short to listen to bad power pop!
6/7
Though the album is called Heading North for the Winter, it reminds me more of a sixties beach party, where everybody is surfing in the fashionable swimwear of the moment. The best part is, it's just as fun as one. The members of The Wellingtons obviously have great pop sensibilities, because pretty much every song is radio friendly, and most of them are catchy enough to be a hit.
I like that they use a good variety of instruments, too. They have a keyboard player that doubles as a piano player, and there are various songs on which they use horns, and even one song with a music box-esque effect that serves as a sort of overture for the song, introducing you to the wonderful upcoming melodies that are about to ask your eardrums if they may have this dance.
The lyrics are mostly about girls and the like, or perhaps boys, depending on who in the band writes the songs. But this is not a band that's attempting to break the boundaries of music as we know it. This is a band that is dedicated to fun, and it really shines through in their music. You'd probably have a great time if you got to hang out with these people.
The Wellingtons play some seriously catchy power pop. They're a rather bouncy band, which is great, cause those are declining in number and quality quickly. Heading North for the Winter has an insane amount of hooks and each song seems catchier than the last. If you're wondering exactly what they sound like, the best comparison I can think of is The Pink Spiders + Houston Calls x The Beatles = The Wellingtons. Do yourself a favor and open your ears for them, because, as they've so correctly established, life's too short to listen to bad power pop!
6/7
11.25.2008
Skate It
Skate brought skateboarding games back from the depths of the ridiculous and the unrealistic that the Tony Hawk games damned them to. That's kinda funny; Tony Hawk has been working all these years to make skateboarding a valid sport, bring it positively into the social consciousness, only to ruin it all with a few poor sequels. Anyway, Skate It is the game Skate ported to the Nintendo Wii and DS, and I'll be reviewing the DS version.
First of all, I'll admit it: this game has DS graphics. Second, that doesn't bother me at all. If it bothers you, maybe branch out to the Wii version. Now, that being said, I think it's safe to say that the graphics don't alter or lessen the experience very much. My motto is, and has always been, gameplay over graphics. So as long as this port has the gameplay, then to hell with the graphics. Game could look like Pitfall for the Atari and I wouldn't care, as long as it played well.
So does it play well? Hell yes it does. The controls are handled with the stylus. On the touch screen of the DS, you'll find a diagonal skateboard. This is how you initiate the tricks. To push, you hold the stylus on the touch screen to the right of the actual board, OR, you get smart and change the controls, because it can be kinda buggy. I changed mine to holding up on the D-pad, which still allows you to steer perfectly. So onto tricks. I don't wanna go through all of them, but I'll give you a basic idea of what to do. Use the stylus to slide across the board on the bottom of the screen, and you will perform a trick. Slide it straight up and you'll perform an ollie, the basic jump. Slide it up and off either side, you'll have done either a kickflip, or a heelflip. Pretty simple. The only problem is accuracy. It's not terribly inaccurate, but sometimes when you try to do just an ollie, it'll end up as something else. Unless you have time to physically take your attention away from the situation at hand to watch yourself draw a straight line across the board, at certain times it can be hard to do just a plain ollie. This goes for most of the other tricks, however the shapes you draw for other tricks leave more room for error than a straight line does. Now, I'm not saying that the game is bad or that it doesn't work, it's just sometimes you'll end up doing a trick you didn't mean to. Aside from that, hold your stylus on the board and you'll crouch. Drag and hold from the tail of the board back and you'll manual: do the opposite for a nose manual. You can also hold L or R to do a grab trick.
The physics in the game are actually pretty good. It's pretty easy to get air if you do it right, and grinds latch on rather well. The engine that runs the game really gets the job done. The challenges are just that: challenging. And there are tons of them to keep you entertained for weeks. The replay value of this game is really high, also, because you can go back and do whatever tricks on whatever obstacle you'd like. It's really fun to try and pull sick lines like you see in Video Daze and The Reason and all those other classic skate videos. It's not as detailed or innovative as Skate was, but it's definitely a solid port to the DS.
5/7
First of all, I'll admit it: this game has DS graphics. Second, that doesn't bother me at all. If it bothers you, maybe branch out to the Wii version. Now, that being said, I think it's safe to say that the graphics don't alter or lessen the experience very much. My motto is, and has always been, gameplay over graphics. So as long as this port has the gameplay, then to hell with the graphics. Game could look like Pitfall for the Atari and I wouldn't care, as long as it played well.
So does it play well? Hell yes it does. The controls are handled with the stylus. On the touch screen of the DS, you'll find a diagonal skateboard. This is how you initiate the tricks. To push, you hold the stylus on the touch screen to the right of the actual board, OR, you get smart and change the controls, because it can be kinda buggy. I changed mine to holding up on the D-pad, which still allows you to steer perfectly. So onto tricks. I don't wanna go through all of them, but I'll give you a basic idea of what to do. Use the stylus to slide across the board on the bottom of the screen, and you will perform a trick. Slide it straight up and you'll perform an ollie, the basic jump. Slide it up and off either side, you'll have done either a kickflip, or a heelflip. Pretty simple. The only problem is accuracy. It's not terribly inaccurate, but sometimes when you try to do just an ollie, it'll end up as something else. Unless you have time to physically take your attention away from the situation at hand to watch yourself draw a straight line across the board, at certain times it can be hard to do just a plain ollie. This goes for most of the other tricks, however the shapes you draw for other tricks leave more room for error than a straight line does. Now, I'm not saying that the game is bad or that it doesn't work, it's just sometimes you'll end up doing a trick you didn't mean to. Aside from that, hold your stylus on the board and you'll crouch. Drag and hold from the tail of the board back and you'll manual: do the opposite for a nose manual. You can also hold L or R to do a grab trick.
The physics in the game are actually pretty good. It's pretty easy to get air if you do it right, and grinds latch on rather well. The engine that runs the game really gets the job done. The challenges are just that: challenging. And there are tons of them to keep you entertained for weeks. The replay value of this game is really high, also, because you can go back and do whatever tricks on whatever obstacle you'd like. It's really fun to try and pull sick lines like you see in Video Daze and The Reason and all those other classic skate videos. It's not as detailed or innovative as Skate was, but it's definitely a solid port to the DS.
5/7
11.24.2008
Kanye West - 808s & Heartbreak
Auto-tune. Either you love it or you hate it, and chances are you hate it. Not Kanye West, though. He likes it enough to have used it on every single song on his new album, 808s & Heartbreak. And, having heard that, chances are you'll probably skip out on buying Kanye's newest album. That's why I'm here: to convince you how foolish that would be.
There's a lot of backstory to this album, so I suppose that's a good place to start. This album is much darker than West's previous releases, and that's due to a bunch of factors, namely the death of his mother last year, and the cancellation of his engagement to then-fianceé Alexis Phifer. Also, all the beats on the album were created with the Roland TR-808 drum machine in order to evoke specific emotions and take a "minimal but functional" approach to the songs. So the basic concept behind this album is literally expressed in the title: 808s & Heartbreak.
That being said, I have to point out that Kanye absolutely nailed it. This is an album full of truly unique, catchy, and memorable songs. I found it seriously impressive that Kanye could go out of his comfort zone in so many ways and come back stronger than ever. Each song is totally different from the rest. The opening track, "Say You Will", is a plaintive, lengthy song. I love the minor to major key change he throws in a few times, but half the song is just the beat, and when the song comes in at over 6 minutes, that might be a little too much. But the album doesn't suffer from it. In fact, it pushes forward, giving it a bit more gas, ending up at "Welcome To Heartbreak", which sounds nothing like a Kanye West song, which is something you're gonna have to get used to quickly on this album. It's got a nifty piano line coupled with a simple beat, with Kid Cudi adding a catchy chorus. "Heartless" is the first real single aside from "Love Lockdown", and it's a great song. Just to recap: it's a straight up radio single, the singer uses auto-tune, it's about being heart broken because of a girl, and it's STILL a good song. Well, at least until it saturates every nook and cranny of the club and mainstream radio scenes. But it's great right now! "Amazing" is one of the darker tracks, one that conjures images of ghetto cowboys idly ambling along a lonely trail. Young Jeezy contributes a verse, but it's nothing special. "Love Lockdown" is a song that mostly everyone knows by now, and for good reason. Even over a month later, it's still fresh and fits perfectly with the rest of the album. "Paranoid" is one of my favorites on 808s, and is closer in style and substance to what Kanye usually does; it resembles hip hop more than the rest, played over what sounds like a remixed 80s pop song. This brings us to "RoboCop", my current favorite. It starts out with a badass beat, leading you to believe it might be some sort of hardcore hip hop song, but then the strings come in, bringing Coldplay's "Viva La Vida" to mind, until you realize Kanye did it better. This song is boundlessly catchy, and the lush instrumentation in the chorus and the way he uses RoboCop sounds in the post-chorus make this song a serious standout. "Street Lights" is a slower, hopeful song where Kanye claims "I know my destination, I'm just not there." This is followed by "Bad News", which is seemingly a sort of interlude song, but valuable all the same. Lil' Wayne makes a guest appearance in "See You In My Nightmares", which puts Young Jeezy's verse earlier to shame. "Coldest Winter", a touching song in which he reminisces about his mother, closes out the actual album. There is one more song, however, but it's a live recording from Singapore, entitled "Pinocchio Story." It's a freestyle from that concert that was included because Beyoncé Knowles convinced Kanye to include it. It's good, but it does not need to be there, and the album would've concluded so perfectly after "Coldest Winter", but when you're Beyoncé and you're famous and you've never done anything good before, why start now?
If you're still hung up on the auto-tune aspect, don't be. After a song or two, you won't even notice. West noted that certain parts of them album are auto-tuned to represent heartbreak. Most of the songs aren't very heavily auto-tuned, anyway. It's a minor issue, especially when compared to the album as a whole.
So let's get one thing straight. This isn't hip hop, rap, or anything like it. It seems that 'pop' really is the best word to describe it. Since he's not rapping on most tracks, it forces Kanye to use his voice in more and different ways, especially as far as singing goes. His singing on this album is top notch, and the amount of vocal, musical, and atmospheric hooks Kanye has produced on 808s & Heartbreak is absolutely outstanding. Upon first listen, about half the songs are memorable. Upon second listen, every single one of them is. It baffles my mind how Kanye, by effectively limiting his resources, managed to make something so unique, creative, and diverse. In fact, I think it's fair to say that Kanye pushes himself harder on this album, in terms of music, lyrics, vocals, creativity, and hooks, than on any of his previous efforts. It solidifies and furthers his status as a trend setter, and shows how unequivocally unmatched Kanye is, as far as progressiveness goes, in his genre.
7/7
There's a lot of backstory to this album, so I suppose that's a good place to start. This album is much darker than West's previous releases, and that's due to a bunch of factors, namely the death of his mother last year, and the cancellation of his engagement to then-fianceé Alexis Phifer. Also, all the beats on the album were created with the Roland TR-808 drum machine in order to evoke specific emotions and take a "minimal but functional" approach to the songs. So the basic concept behind this album is literally expressed in the title: 808s & Heartbreak.
That being said, I have to point out that Kanye absolutely nailed it. This is an album full of truly unique, catchy, and memorable songs. I found it seriously impressive that Kanye could go out of his comfort zone in so many ways and come back stronger than ever. Each song is totally different from the rest. The opening track, "Say You Will", is a plaintive, lengthy song. I love the minor to major key change he throws in a few times, but half the song is just the beat, and when the song comes in at over 6 minutes, that might be a little too much. But the album doesn't suffer from it. In fact, it pushes forward, giving it a bit more gas, ending up at "Welcome To Heartbreak", which sounds nothing like a Kanye West song, which is something you're gonna have to get used to quickly on this album. It's got a nifty piano line coupled with a simple beat, with Kid Cudi adding a catchy chorus. "Heartless" is the first real single aside from "Love Lockdown", and it's a great song. Just to recap: it's a straight up radio single, the singer uses auto-tune, it's about being heart broken because of a girl, and it's STILL a good song. Well, at least until it saturates every nook and cranny of the club and mainstream radio scenes. But it's great right now! "Amazing" is one of the darker tracks, one that conjures images of ghetto cowboys idly ambling along a lonely trail. Young Jeezy contributes a verse, but it's nothing special. "Love Lockdown" is a song that mostly everyone knows by now, and for good reason. Even over a month later, it's still fresh and fits perfectly with the rest of the album. "Paranoid" is one of my favorites on 808s, and is closer in style and substance to what Kanye usually does; it resembles hip hop more than the rest, played over what sounds like a remixed 80s pop song. This brings us to "RoboCop", my current favorite. It starts out with a badass beat, leading you to believe it might be some sort of hardcore hip hop song, but then the strings come in, bringing Coldplay's "Viva La Vida" to mind, until you realize Kanye did it better. This song is boundlessly catchy, and the lush instrumentation in the chorus and the way he uses RoboCop sounds in the post-chorus make this song a serious standout. "Street Lights" is a slower, hopeful song where Kanye claims "I know my destination, I'm just not there." This is followed by "Bad News", which is seemingly a sort of interlude song, but valuable all the same. Lil' Wayne makes a guest appearance in "See You In My Nightmares", which puts Young Jeezy's verse earlier to shame. "Coldest Winter", a touching song in which he reminisces about his mother, closes out the actual album. There is one more song, however, but it's a live recording from Singapore, entitled "Pinocchio Story." It's a freestyle from that concert that was included because Beyoncé Knowles convinced Kanye to include it. It's good, but it does not need to be there, and the album would've concluded so perfectly after "Coldest Winter", but when you're Beyoncé and you're famous and you've never done anything good before, why start now?
If you're still hung up on the auto-tune aspect, don't be. After a song or two, you won't even notice. West noted that certain parts of them album are auto-tuned to represent heartbreak. Most of the songs aren't very heavily auto-tuned, anyway. It's a minor issue, especially when compared to the album as a whole.
So let's get one thing straight. This isn't hip hop, rap, or anything like it. It seems that 'pop' really is the best word to describe it. Since he's not rapping on most tracks, it forces Kanye to use his voice in more and different ways, especially as far as singing goes. His singing on this album is top notch, and the amount of vocal, musical, and atmospheric hooks Kanye has produced on 808s & Heartbreak is absolutely outstanding. Upon first listen, about half the songs are memorable. Upon second listen, every single one of them is. It baffles my mind how Kanye, by effectively limiting his resources, managed to make something so unique, creative, and diverse. In fact, I think it's fair to say that Kanye pushes himself harder on this album, in terms of music, lyrics, vocals, creativity, and hooks, than on any of his previous efforts. It solidifies and furthers his status as a trend setter, and shows how unequivocally unmatched Kanye is, as far as progressiveness goes, in his genre.
7/7
11.20.2008
The Sarah Silverman Program (S02E15)
Honestly, I have no idea what to say about this episode of The Sarah Silverman Program. There were so damn many absurd things that happened in this episode, it's hard to begin to remember them. I guess the right place to start is to tell you that, for some reason, Sarah Silverman is pregnant. She can't be bothered to know who the father is though, she doesn't keep track of everything that goes in and out of her body. They showed some episode continuity by having her call up God, expecting him to be the father, but he never replies unfortunately.
So she has a Baby Shower. Steve lets Brian know he's about to birth a brown baby himself, noting he has to go home to do it because 'not an away game' situation. As he's taking a large crap, he poops out his back. Brian comes in to try and help him, and in the process throws his back out too, leaving two grown men, one half naked, lying in the floor in the bathroom. Even though we know they're "gay", this scene is almost unbearably awkward.
The funniest part in the episode, I think, was when Sarah's maid, Dora, dresses up like the Chris Farley SNL character, Matt Foley, and does her impression of him. Pretty much any mention of Chris Foley will get a laugh out of me, and this one was no exception.
Sarah eventually decides that she's going to put the baby up for adoption, so she has a bunch of people over at her house. Her sister Laura lets her know that she and Jay want to adopt the baby, but after considering this, she tells them to join the rest of the hopefuls. To decide once and for all who gets the baby, Sarah decides there's no better option than a go-kart race. Which is true. Sarah herself wins the race, in part because her water breaks and it makes everyone else spin out.
After heading to the hospital, the doctor tells her he's retiring tomorrow and moving to Boca Raton, only to get his face melted off by what begins to come out of Sarah: a winged gargoyle-like beast, whom she decides to name Seth.
This episode was really hit or miss. I only laughed a few times, specifically at the Zach Braff burp joke, when Jay leaves the race on his go-kart, and when Sarah describes why she doesn't like Chinese food: "it hits my stomach, and it says "this isn't cereal, it's too rich." If you're into the more ridiculous episodes of the Sarah Silverman Program, this one's for you. If not, there are a few chuckle-worthy moments.
3/7
So she has a Baby Shower. Steve lets Brian know he's about to birth a brown baby himself, noting he has to go home to do it because 'not an away game' situation. As he's taking a large crap, he poops out his back. Brian comes in to try and help him, and in the process throws his back out too, leaving two grown men, one half naked, lying in the floor in the bathroom. Even though we know they're "gay", this scene is almost unbearably awkward.
The funniest part in the episode, I think, was when Sarah's maid, Dora, dresses up like the Chris Farley SNL character, Matt Foley, and does her impression of him. Pretty much any mention of Chris Foley will get a laugh out of me, and this one was no exception.
Sarah eventually decides that she's going to put the baby up for adoption, so she has a bunch of people over at her house. Her sister Laura lets her know that she and Jay want to adopt the baby, but after considering this, she tells them to join the rest of the hopefuls. To decide once and for all who gets the baby, Sarah decides there's no better option than a go-kart race. Which is true. Sarah herself wins the race, in part because her water breaks and it makes everyone else spin out.
After heading to the hospital, the doctor tells her he's retiring tomorrow and moving to Boca Raton, only to get his face melted off by what begins to come out of Sarah: a winged gargoyle-like beast, whom she decides to name Seth.
This episode was really hit or miss. I only laughed a few times, specifically at the Zach Braff burp joke, when Jay leaves the race on his go-kart, and when Sarah describes why she doesn't like Chinese food: "it hits my stomach, and it says "this isn't cereal, it's too rich." If you're into the more ridiculous episodes of the Sarah Silverman Program, this one's for you. If not, there are a few chuckle-worthy moments.
3/7
11.14.2008
Watching the Detectives
Paul Soter, congratulations, because not only are you a member of a comedy troupe that has made multiple hilarious movies that have already become cult classics, but you have written and directed a movie that made me feel like a movie hasn't been able to in quite a long time. It's a fleeting feeling that makes colors look slightly brighter, allows you to tune out the person that just cut you off, and makes apples taste juicier and crunchier than ever. It's a feeling called happiness. Pure and simple, nothing more, nothing less. That's not to say that I'm some dark, depressed dude who rarely sees the light of day. It's just that this movie did everything right.
Watching the Detectives is a romantic comedy at heart. However, I hate to call it that because that creates all sorts of stigmas for all sorts of people. It's about a guy named Neil (Cillian Murphy) who works at a floundering movie-rental store, and mysterious a girl named Violet (Lucy Liu) who turns his world upside down. Sound generic, cliché even? Indeed it does, and for Watching the Detectives to still come out nearly flawless is a true feat.
The romance is adequately covered; Lucy Liu's character is the kind of girl that every man would like to meet: bubbly but not annoyingly so, spontaneous and adventurous, enigmatic, cute, and charming. And Cillian Murphy's character, who is predictable but not quite boring, eats it up like a death-row inmate sitting in front of his last meal. They get into all sorts of escapades together like a modern day, sexy Bonnie and Clyde. While you're watching you actually can feel the connection quickly forming between the two. The comedy is fantastic, too. The best part about it is that it strays so far away from what is currently considered "comedy": there is no BS slapstick, no lame one-liners, no irrelevant references to pop culture. It relies on situation irony and mundane actions and events that you won't know are funny until you're actually laughing at them, like when Neil is running the bases at his softball game, bawling like a little girl.
The real beef of this movie lies in analysis. The entire movie analyzes different aspects of life, love, and chance. The characters actually have intelligent, relatively deep conversations about these things. And I know some people will be immediately turned off by that notion, but Soter manages never to make it sound preachy or uninteresting. There's that old saying, "Opposites attract." That's great and true, but this movie looks at it more as "opposites are never as opposite as you think they are." It's hard to sum it up. Watch and you'll understand.
Paul Soter has crafted a winner of a movie. I was engaged the entire time, I never heard a single line that didn't work, and everything that happened in the movie felt natural and right. Soter's inspiration comes from films of the past, an element that is featured largely in the movie. Perhaps it's this interest in cinema of the past that allows him to write from a different perspective than other current filmmakers. That and the fact that he's inherently very funny. In fact, if you've seen him in any of his other movies, especially Super Troopers, chances are you'll be able to extract any line that anybody in the movie says and mentally hear and see it coming straight from him. Watching the Detectives is oozing with personality, and every character is consistent. It's a fun movie that manages to never hit up the cheese dip, and it will leave you satisfied and happy. It even has a perfect emotional climax, a cathartic scene that fully and adequately explains Liu's character's motives, but not in a lame or overtly obvious way. Plus, I always disliked Lucy Liu, but this movie has totally won me over for her. To wrap up a tangled and messy conclusion, it's almost like a smart Garden State for adults, not embarrassingly hip, confused teenagers.
7/7
Watching the Detectives is a romantic comedy at heart. However, I hate to call it that because that creates all sorts of stigmas for all sorts of people. It's about a guy named Neil (Cillian Murphy) who works at a floundering movie-rental store, and mysterious a girl named Violet (Lucy Liu) who turns his world upside down. Sound generic, cliché even? Indeed it does, and for Watching the Detectives to still come out nearly flawless is a true feat.
The romance is adequately covered; Lucy Liu's character is the kind of girl that every man would like to meet: bubbly but not annoyingly so, spontaneous and adventurous, enigmatic, cute, and charming. And Cillian Murphy's character, who is predictable but not quite boring, eats it up like a death-row inmate sitting in front of his last meal. They get into all sorts of escapades together like a modern day, sexy Bonnie and Clyde. While you're watching you actually can feel the connection quickly forming between the two. The comedy is fantastic, too. The best part about it is that it strays so far away from what is currently considered "comedy": there is no BS slapstick, no lame one-liners, no irrelevant references to pop culture. It relies on situation irony and mundane actions and events that you won't know are funny until you're actually laughing at them, like when Neil is running the bases at his softball game, bawling like a little girl.
The real beef of this movie lies in analysis. The entire movie analyzes different aspects of life, love, and chance. The characters actually have intelligent, relatively deep conversations about these things. And I know some people will be immediately turned off by that notion, but Soter manages never to make it sound preachy or uninteresting. There's that old saying, "Opposites attract." That's great and true, but this movie looks at it more as "opposites are never as opposite as you think they are." It's hard to sum it up. Watch and you'll understand.
Paul Soter has crafted a winner of a movie. I was engaged the entire time, I never heard a single line that didn't work, and everything that happened in the movie felt natural and right. Soter's inspiration comes from films of the past, an element that is featured largely in the movie. Perhaps it's this interest in cinema of the past that allows him to write from a different perspective than other current filmmakers. That and the fact that he's inherently very funny. In fact, if you've seen him in any of his other movies, especially Super Troopers, chances are you'll be able to extract any line that anybody in the movie says and mentally hear and see it coming straight from him. Watching the Detectives is oozing with personality, and every character is consistent. It's a fun movie that manages to never hit up the cheese dip, and it will leave you satisfied and happy. It even has a perfect emotional climax, a cathartic scene that fully and adequately explains Liu's character's motives, but not in a lame or overtly obvious way. Plus, I always disliked Lucy Liu, but this movie has totally won me over for her. To wrap up a tangled and messy conclusion, it's almost like a smart Garden State for adults, not embarrassingly hip, confused teenagers.
7/7
11.13.2008
Baby Mama
For a long time, I didn't think Tina Fey was funny. At all. When she first started doing Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live some years ago, I thought for sure it was the end. Of Weekend Update. So I stopped watching it. Problem solved. 'Til Tina's spot-on Palin impression that took the country by storm. Now that the election is over and stuff is calming down, I figured I'd give Fey another try and check out her movie, Baby Mama.
The first thing about the movie I noticed is that it seemed like Fey just saw Knocked Up and realized that babies could get laughs, so they tossed a bunch of them in the beginning. In fact, if I had to mathematically break down this movie, it'd probably look like this: Knocked Up + Wedding Crashers + chick flick = Baby Mama. It's basically an Apatow production for women.
As far as the humor goes, it's there, but it's not the main attraction. Tina Fey is the straight man and Amy Poehler is the funny man, it's as simple as that. Poehler delivers most of the jokes, and is the rest of them. In fact, I'd say that Poehler put in the best performance of all the characters in Baby Mama. She was the funniest, the most dynamic, AND in the movie she actually grew up and matured, something I've always wanted to see happen to Amy Poehler, on screen or off. Fey seemed like she was basically herself with a bossy hat on, and her character never really changed at all, even at the end of the movie she seemed like she had just fallen back into place where she used to be with a few situational details modified. Greg Kinnear played the same role he plays in half of his movies, but that was fine with me. Steve Martin basically played Kevin Nealon's role in Grandma's Boy. The side characters were pretty mundane and under-developed, but I guess that's why they're side characters.
When you take off all the bells and whistles, Baby Mama is a typical chick flick dramedy -- two people get close, one person messes it up, sad music montage leads to a happy ending in a convenient twist of circumstance. Is it worth watching? Yes. Tina Fey put together an entertaining cast of actors and characters to back her up. Is it funny enough to be called a comedy? It's debatable, but Poehler and Romany Malco definitely get some good laughs. Did it make me like Tina Fey any more than previously? I'd say so.
4/7
The first thing about the movie I noticed is that it seemed like Fey just saw Knocked Up and realized that babies could get laughs, so they tossed a bunch of them in the beginning. In fact, if I had to mathematically break down this movie, it'd probably look like this: Knocked Up + Wedding Crashers + chick flick = Baby Mama. It's basically an Apatow production for women.
As far as the humor goes, it's there, but it's not the main attraction. Tina Fey is the straight man and Amy Poehler is the funny man, it's as simple as that. Poehler delivers most of the jokes, and is the rest of them. In fact, I'd say that Poehler put in the best performance of all the characters in Baby Mama. She was the funniest, the most dynamic, AND in the movie she actually grew up and matured, something I've always wanted to see happen to Amy Poehler, on screen or off. Fey seemed like she was basically herself with a bossy hat on, and her character never really changed at all, even at the end of the movie she seemed like she had just fallen back into place where she used to be with a few situational details modified. Greg Kinnear played the same role he plays in half of his movies, but that was fine with me. Steve Martin basically played Kevin Nealon's role in Grandma's Boy. The side characters were pretty mundane and under-developed, but I guess that's why they're side characters.
When you take off all the bells and whistles, Baby Mama is a typical chick flick dramedy -- two people get close, one person messes it up, sad music montage leads to a happy ending in a convenient twist of circumstance. Is it worth watching? Yes. Tina Fey put together an entertaining cast of actors and characters to back her up. Is it funny enough to be called a comedy? It's debatable, but Poehler and Romany Malco definitely get some good laughs. Did it make me like Tina Fey any more than previously? I'd say so.
4/7
Chocolate News (S01E03)
It makes sense that Chocolate News, being rather chocolatey, would be at its best with Obama on the verge of winning the presidency. There's just so much damn material! And they definitely took advantage of it. So lets jump right in.
DAG always starts the show by pleading with somebody to "Please, do not lose yo damn mind!" This week, it was addressed to Black people in general. He claimed that it was critical that they "tone down the coon-age" until Obama wins the White House, and it seems to have worked. It was a particularly good bit, especially the part about the sacrifices that DAG himself is making, notably the bit about what he'd say if he got in an accident with a White person and it WASN'T his fault: "I'm not gonna yell, scream, or even honk my horn, I'm gonna get out, laugh at the dents, and say "Chet, it happens all the time. Hope and Change!" He also points out that a few famous Black people need to change their ways; for example, Steve Harvey - stop wearing Steve Harvey suits:
The first actual skit was one of the funniest of any so far, I think. It detailed the life of a 55 year-old, married man with two kids, Robert Rhonstein. He is also a wigger. Apparently, some people just don't grow out of it, so they took Robert to the De-Negrofication Institute, a "rehabilitation facility dedicated to deprogramming wiggers everywhere." This whole skit was hilarious, from when he's being forced to listen to White people music, to my favorite part of the episode, where DAG is trying to teach him how to talk normally. The guy they got to play the wigger makes the whole skit work by looking and sounding absurdly funny.
The next, almost equally funny, skit is a report on the first African-American porn star, Licorice Stick. After some personal accounts about Licorice Stick from some old friends, they show a video from 1979 of Stick himself, going through some of the moves he made up. The list goes on forever, and that's about how long you'll laugh at it. Some of the names are absolutely brilliant. The Itchy Spider?! There are so many I want to say, but I don't wanna spoil them.
The last skit of the show pulls back the curtain on a little-known affliction called Fat Black Momma Syndrome, or FBMS for short. Why would a man want to be a Fat Black Momma? Respect. A Fat, Black Momma garners some r-e-s-p-e-c-t like nobody else. Take this scene for example: an average Black father trying to get his children off the TV has no effect, but when he drops a wig on his head and yells "Y'all kids betta turn that TV off 'fore I hit you in the head with my house shoe!", they listen immediately!
This is a top-notch example of how good Chocolate News can be. Almost every joke and skit in this episode is high-quality and original, it's mildly satirical, and it kept me laughing the whole time. Even the correspondents on the show are pretty funny, or, at the very least none of them are terrible. If the show can stay at this level, I'll be surprised, but it'll truly deserve a permanent spot on Comedy Central.
6/7
DAG always starts the show by pleading with somebody to "Please, do not lose yo damn mind!" This week, it was addressed to Black people in general. He claimed that it was critical that they "tone down the coon-age" until Obama wins the White House, and it seems to have worked. It was a particularly good bit, especially the part about the sacrifices that DAG himself is making, notably the bit about what he'd say if he got in an accident with a White person and it WASN'T his fault: "I'm not gonna yell, scream, or even honk my horn, I'm gonna get out, laugh at the dents, and say "Chet, it happens all the time. Hope and Change!" He also points out that a few famous Black people need to change their ways; for example, Steve Harvey - stop wearing Steve Harvey suits:
The first actual skit was one of the funniest of any so far, I think. It detailed the life of a 55 year-old, married man with two kids, Robert Rhonstein. He is also a wigger. Apparently, some people just don't grow out of it, so they took Robert to the De-Negrofication Institute, a "rehabilitation facility dedicated to deprogramming wiggers everywhere." This whole skit was hilarious, from when he's being forced to listen to White people music, to my favorite part of the episode, where DAG is trying to teach him how to talk normally. The guy they got to play the wigger makes the whole skit work by looking and sounding absurdly funny.
The next, almost equally funny, skit is a report on the first African-American porn star, Licorice Stick. After some personal accounts about Licorice Stick from some old friends, they show a video from 1979 of Stick himself, going through some of the moves he made up. The list goes on forever, and that's about how long you'll laugh at it. Some of the names are absolutely brilliant. The Itchy Spider?! There are so many I want to say, but I don't wanna spoil them.
The last skit of the show pulls back the curtain on a little-known affliction called Fat Black Momma Syndrome, or FBMS for short. Why would a man want to be a Fat Black Momma? Respect. A Fat, Black Momma garners some r-e-s-p-e-c-t like nobody else. Take this scene for example: an average Black father trying to get his children off the TV has no effect, but when he drops a wig on his head and yells "Y'all kids betta turn that TV off 'fore I hit you in the head with my house shoe!", they listen immediately!
This is a top-notch example of how good Chocolate News can be. Almost every joke and skit in this episode is high-quality and original, it's mildly satirical, and it kept me laughing the whole time. Even the correspondents on the show are pretty funny, or, at the very least none of them are terrible. If the show can stay at this level, I'll be surprised, but it'll truly deserve a permanent spot on Comedy Central.
6/7
11.11.2008
Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia (DS)
Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia is the next adventure in the growing line of Castlevania DS games. It takes place after Symphony of the Night, the Order of Ecclesia is trying put together a plan to take out Dracula, who has been terrorizing people for centuries. You play as Shanoa, a woman chosen by Ecclesia's leader, Barlowe, to host "Dominus", a three-piece magical glyph, which I'll talk more about later. Apparently Barlowe told Shanoa's friend, Albus, that he would actually be the vessel through which Dominus defeats Dracula, so while the ritual is being performed on Shanoa, Albus runs up and ruins everything. After stealing the glyphs and disappearing, Shanoa has no choice but to find him and get them back, thus the motivation for the gameplay.
The story is actually pretty cool. There are some nice plot twists, and there's even an alternate ending, which is the first I've ever seen on a DS game. The gameplay is pretty simple - X, Y, and R buttons all perform attacks, or "glyphs". Glyphs are magic or weapons or both absorbed by Shanoa by standing under them and holding the Up button. Apart from having multiple glyphs to use, you can set multiple glyph groups that you can switch back and forth from. All this is to fight various ghouls, monsters, and freaks, just like in pretty much every Castlevania. Killing enemies will then level you up, increasing your attack and defense and everything else. The game has many classic RPG elements to it, even though it's considered a "Castleroid" game -- meaning it incorporates gameplay features first used by Super Metroid, such as non-linear exploration, the ability to unlock new areas by finding items, and side-scrolling.
The game itself is actually pretty damn hard. I found myself dying multiple times before I even got to the first save point, which was a pretty frustrating ordeal. If you don't get stuck on the same part a bunch of times, though, you'll probably have the motivation to keep going. It's not impossible or anything. The gameplay is seriously enhanced in this game; it's smoother, there are better fighting combos, the story is captivating, and the game is just more fun in general than most of the older ones. On top of that, the artwork is totally revamped, going from more of an anime-style to a sort of traditional gothic animation. Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia is the first canonical Castlevania to feature a female lead character, so enjoy it, fanboys.
5/7
The story is actually pretty cool. There are some nice plot twists, and there's even an alternate ending, which is the first I've ever seen on a DS game. The gameplay is pretty simple - X, Y, and R buttons all perform attacks, or "glyphs". Glyphs are magic or weapons or both absorbed by Shanoa by standing under them and holding the Up button. Apart from having multiple glyphs to use, you can set multiple glyph groups that you can switch back and forth from. All this is to fight various ghouls, monsters, and freaks, just like in pretty much every Castlevania. Killing enemies will then level you up, increasing your attack and defense and everything else. The game has many classic RPG elements to it, even though it's considered a "Castleroid" game -- meaning it incorporates gameplay features first used by Super Metroid, such as non-linear exploration, the ability to unlock new areas by finding items, and side-scrolling.
The game itself is actually pretty damn hard. I found myself dying multiple times before I even got to the first save point, which was a pretty frustrating ordeal. If you don't get stuck on the same part a bunch of times, though, you'll probably have the motivation to keep going. It's not impossible or anything. The gameplay is seriously enhanced in this game; it's smoother, there are better fighting combos, the story is captivating, and the game is just more fun in general than most of the older ones. On top of that, the artwork is totally revamped, going from more of an anime-style to a sort of traditional gothic animation. Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia is the first canonical Castlevania to feature a female lead character, so enjoy it, fanboys.
5/7
11.10.2008
Kaki King - Dreaming of Revenge
First of all, if you don't know who Kaki King is, HA HA! Second, you're about to know who she is, because her most recent album, Dreaming of Revenge, is pretty much a masterpiece. It was released in March of this year and somehow, regrettably, it slipped under my radar until now. Kaki King has been getting lots of publicity recently; she had a few songs on the Into The Wild soundtrack, she wrote some music for August Rush as well as serving as a hand-double for the guitar playing scenes, and she was even in a duet with Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters for a song on their newest album. She's come a long way from when I saw her in an edition of Guitar World magazine a few years ago, featuring her as an up-and-coming guitar hero.
Her playing style is unique, to say the least. I'm sure you've seen a few of those guys on TV or wherever, those people that play "slap guitar", if you will; they pluck pop the strings and create rhythms by slapping their guitar while playing to create some sort of tribal, primitive, melodic music that astounds everybody in the room because they've never heard anything like it. Kaki King is that times ten. Her music started out completely instrumental, just her and a guitar making crazy sounds. Since then, however, it's grown and evolved into something bigger, more encompassing. On her third album, ...Until We Felt Red, she finally introduced the world to her singing voice, which had been unnecessarily neglected on her first two albums, because it's as lovely as the music she creates. On Dreaming of Revenge, she utilizes her voice far more than on any previous release, as well as opening her music up to many other sources of inspiration and variety. For instance, she returns to her original instrument, the drums, on this album in a big way. She's listed as contributing "guitar (electric/acoustic), slide guitar, bass, drums, piano, other randomly weird instruments, tears" to the album, so obviously she's opened up her repertoire quite a bit. And it's as impressive as it sounds; she's seemingly a master at each of these instruments, demonstrating definitive dexterity and deftness all over the carefully crafted songs included on Dreaming of Revenge. All of these newfound options combine to create the most coherent, catchy, diverse, atmospheric, and most of all, accessible, Kaki King album to date.
The album kicks off with "Bone Chaos In the Castle", which opens the album with a classic style Kaki King guitar riff, but quickly makes way for drums and, gasp, an actual individual melody! An item that most older Kaki King songs lacked, because the melodies were built-in to the rhythm. This song, in my opinion, is a great representation of Kaki King in general. It presents both the acoustic, hammer-on pull-off style of music that she broke into the scene with, as well as the additional melodies and drums and ambient noise that characterizes some of her newer music, as if to say "Hey there, nice to meet you, here are both of my musical sides, get used to 'em." This tune gives way to "Life Being What It Is", a personal song that King refers to as a breakup song. Tender and sweeping, this finger-picked lament is probably my current favorite on the album, possibly because it's one of Kaki's most straightforward songs to date -- mostly just her guitar and her voice, with some accompanying strings to help with the mood. Speaking of the mood, this song is so intimate that while listening you really get the sense that the music is really an accurate reflection of her mental state and her very being, creating a sort of super empathy, thus accomplishing the very intent of music at its core. "Sad American", one of my other favorites on the album, is the third song, either lightly brooding or darkly contemplating with a satisfying hook. It's a very ambient and atmospheric song. "Pull Me Out Alive" throws you at the beginning because, in the midst of these hyper creative songs, it sounds like she's pulling a page out of the nineties and employing this cliché, staccato method of singing while playing muted power chords, but the chorus makes up for it, and in the rest of the verses, that notion is shattered completely.
"Montreal" is an interesting song because the entire thing is based on the opening guitar riff, which provides the skeleton and foundation of the song. You might think a song with the same guitar riff playing the whole time would be the opposite of fascinating, but I'll let you experience it for yourself. In my opinion it provides an underlying structure for the song, which allows the rest of the instruments in the song to experiment and be a bit more free. "Open Mouth" is a dreamscape-esque song, which halfway turns a bit darker, aided by rapid violin and a more menacing, minor-key chord progression. "So Much For So Little" catches your attention within moments of beginning due to the syncopated and offbeat rhythm, as well as how the guitar affects it, securing its spot as one of the most entertaining songs on Dreaming of Revenge. "Saving Days In a Frozen Head" is another heavy-hearted, vocal-oriented song, and this one specifically so, because there are so many layers of her voice, which makes this a standout track. The next song, "Air and Kilometers", is a punchy, choppy, syncopated guitar-centric track that relies on strings to keep it lifted. After listening to the existentially titled "Can Anyone Who Has Heard This Music Really Be A Bad Person?", I find myself asking the same thing. Kaki seriously rocks out on the drums in this song. It's moody and intimidating, just like a woman. The closing tune, entitled "2 O'Clock", is another hushed, intimate song with regretful, melancholy lyrics until about halfway through, when Kaki sings more boldly than she ever has before.
Simply put, Dreaming of Revenge is Kaki King's best, most creative, most accessible, catchiest, most melodic and emotional album to date, by leaps and bounds. I was going to say that Kaki King knows guitar like the back of her hand, but at this point I think it'd be a crime to not replace "guitar" with "music". The amount of instruments and the proportion of music she played to the total music on the album is simply astounding. Especially the drums; her style is so fluid and she's so adaptable, I was unbelievably impressed. She crafts such interesting, smart chord progressions that she manages to make all of her songs sound new - hardly one of them sounds like something you've heard before; or if it does, she goes out of her way to change that pretty quickly. Kaki said on this album she wanted to concentrate more on creating hooks and melodies, and she has inarguably and applaudably accomplished that goal -- there's not a song on this album without at least ONE moment that will stay with you. In a recent interview, she said she feels like she's writing pop songs. In some ways she is, but she's writing on multiple levels, which is a sign of a competent musician. It has always been clear that she is an incredible musician, but now I think it might be safe to say that she's a musical genius. It's obvious that she truly puts tons of time and effort into her music from the macro scale, where the songs in general are amazing, to the micro scale, on which she adds tons of little parts that enhance the music in small but important ways, like harmonics, ghost notes, atmospherics, slide guitar. In an interview, Kaki King said, “I want people to listen to it and think, ‘This sounds like something completely new, but it also sounds like something Kaki King would do’". It's hard to believe how accurate that statement really is; I've rarely listened to an artist more self-aware and embodied by his/her music. If you're a fan, check this out NOW. If you don't know her, check it out even sooner.
7/7
Her playing style is unique, to say the least. I'm sure you've seen a few of those guys on TV or wherever, those people that play "slap guitar", if you will; they pluck pop the strings and create rhythms by slapping their guitar while playing to create some sort of tribal, primitive, melodic music that astounds everybody in the room because they've never heard anything like it. Kaki King is that times ten. Her music started out completely instrumental, just her and a guitar making crazy sounds. Since then, however, it's grown and evolved into something bigger, more encompassing. On her third album, ...Until We Felt Red, she finally introduced the world to her singing voice, which had been unnecessarily neglected on her first two albums, because it's as lovely as the music she creates. On Dreaming of Revenge, she utilizes her voice far more than on any previous release, as well as opening her music up to many other sources of inspiration and variety. For instance, she returns to her original instrument, the drums, on this album in a big way. She's listed as contributing "guitar (electric/acoustic), slide guitar, bass, drums, piano, other randomly weird instruments, tears" to the album, so obviously she's opened up her repertoire quite a bit. And it's as impressive as it sounds; she's seemingly a master at each of these instruments, demonstrating definitive dexterity and deftness all over the carefully crafted songs included on Dreaming of Revenge. All of these newfound options combine to create the most coherent, catchy, diverse, atmospheric, and most of all, accessible, Kaki King album to date.
The album kicks off with "Bone Chaos In the Castle", which opens the album with a classic style Kaki King guitar riff, but quickly makes way for drums and, gasp, an actual individual melody! An item that most older Kaki King songs lacked, because the melodies were built-in to the rhythm. This song, in my opinion, is a great representation of Kaki King in general. It presents both the acoustic, hammer-on pull-off style of music that she broke into the scene with, as well as the additional melodies and drums and ambient noise that characterizes some of her newer music, as if to say "Hey there, nice to meet you, here are both of my musical sides, get used to 'em." This tune gives way to "Life Being What It Is", a personal song that King refers to as a breakup song. Tender and sweeping, this finger-picked lament is probably my current favorite on the album, possibly because it's one of Kaki's most straightforward songs to date -- mostly just her guitar and her voice, with some accompanying strings to help with the mood. Speaking of the mood, this song is so intimate that while listening you really get the sense that the music is really an accurate reflection of her mental state and her very being, creating a sort of super empathy, thus accomplishing the very intent of music at its core. "Sad American", one of my other favorites on the album, is the third song, either lightly brooding or darkly contemplating with a satisfying hook. It's a very ambient and atmospheric song. "Pull Me Out Alive" throws you at the beginning because, in the midst of these hyper creative songs, it sounds like she's pulling a page out of the nineties and employing this cliché, staccato method of singing while playing muted power chords, but the chorus makes up for it, and in the rest of the verses, that notion is shattered completely.
"Montreal" is an interesting song because the entire thing is based on the opening guitar riff, which provides the skeleton and foundation of the song. You might think a song with the same guitar riff playing the whole time would be the opposite of fascinating, but I'll let you experience it for yourself. In my opinion it provides an underlying structure for the song, which allows the rest of the instruments in the song to experiment and be a bit more free. "Open Mouth" is a dreamscape-esque song, which halfway turns a bit darker, aided by rapid violin and a more menacing, minor-key chord progression. "So Much For So Little" catches your attention within moments of beginning due to the syncopated and offbeat rhythm, as well as how the guitar affects it, securing its spot as one of the most entertaining songs on Dreaming of Revenge. "Saving Days In a Frozen Head" is another heavy-hearted, vocal-oriented song, and this one specifically so, because there are so many layers of her voice, which makes this a standout track. The next song, "Air and Kilometers", is a punchy, choppy, syncopated guitar-centric track that relies on strings to keep it lifted. After listening to the existentially titled "Can Anyone Who Has Heard This Music Really Be A Bad Person?", I find myself asking the same thing. Kaki seriously rocks out on the drums in this song. It's moody and intimidating, just like a woman. The closing tune, entitled "2 O'Clock", is another hushed, intimate song with regretful, melancholy lyrics until about halfway through, when Kaki sings more boldly than she ever has before.
Simply put, Dreaming of Revenge is Kaki King's best, most creative, most accessible, catchiest, most melodic and emotional album to date, by leaps and bounds. I was going to say that Kaki King knows guitar like the back of her hand, but at this point I think it'd be a crime to not replace "guitar" with "music". The amount of instruments and the proportion of music she played to the total music on the album is simply astounding. Especially the drums; her style is so fluid and she's so adaptable, I was unbelievably impressed. She crafts such interesting, smart chord progressions that she manages to make all of her songs sound new - hardly one of them sounds like something you've heard before; or if it does, she goes out of her way to change that pretty quickly. Kaki said on this album she wanted to concentrate more on creating hooks and melodies, and she has inarguably and applaudably accomplished that goal -- there's not a song on this album without at least ONE moment that will stay with you. In a recent interview, she said she feels like she's writing pop songs. In some ways she is, but she's writing on multiple levels, which is a sign of a competent musician. It has always been clear that she is an incredible musician, but now I think it might be safe to say that she's a musical genius. It's obvious that she truly puts tons of time and effort into her music from the macro scale, where the songs in general are amazing, to the micro scale, on which she adds tons of little parts that enhance the music in small but important ways, like harmonics, ghost notes, atmospherics, slide guitar. In an interview, Kaki King said, “I want people to listen to it and think, ‘This sounds like something completely new, but it also sounds like something Kaki King would do’". It's hard to believe how accurate that statement really is; I've rarely listened to an artist more self-aware and embodied by his/her music. If you're a fan, check this out NOW. If you don't know her, check it out even sooner.
7/7
11.06.2008
Houston Calls - The End of an Error
Houston Calls used to be a ska band called Face First. That's how I know about them, that's why I like them. When they first split up and became Houston Calls, they put out a four song sampler with some of the best pop punk songs I've heard in a while. Needless to say, it was exciting; I thought I'd found a new favorite band (this was when I was like... sixteen). Then they started putting out songs in their finished quality, the songs that would actually be on their full length release, what became A Collection of Short Stories. I'm not sure how, but the band had transformed completely from what they started as, in a very short amount of time. Seriously, they managed to take a fast paced, slightly edgy sounding pop punk song and make it into an unbelievable piano-based pop song. The rest of their songs got a similar treatment.
That's why, when I found out Houston Calls' new album was to be called The End of an Error, I once again got excited. Hoping that they'd realized what wimps they'd become on the last album, I ventured into the first song, Modest Manifesto. It was a faster song, more rough sounding, like early Houston Calls. It was great. The lyrics were slightly juvenile, but if that's the cost of having songs with some semblance of testosterone, so be it, I thought. Even the second song, "Life Won't Wait" (Rancid? what?) sounded alright, really radio-friendly, but nothing as lame as the final version of A Line in the Sand (the aforementioned transformed punk song -- I don't mean to rant but it's literally so bad. It's like they gave the song a sex change). So that's great and all, it's a bouncy pop punk song, also filling the role of their first single. The lyrics weren't even that bad: "Life won't wait for me to get back on both my feet again; it just might sucker me into the new, and flip the switch on everything I do." Yeah, it's all been said before, but they found a slightly new way to say it. The next song, A Shot in the Dark came on and I felt absolutely nothing for it. Still don't. It's about at this point that the album loses most of its solidity. The next few songs are almost nothing but cliché, mostly unoriginal pop punk songs.
This is the one area that The End of an Error fails even harder than the first. While the first was full of wussified (replace that w with a p for what I actually think) songs, at the very least the songs were relatively original. They had interesting hooks that actually kept you wanting to listen. Many of the songs on this album I listened to multiple times trying desperately to grasp onto anything great, but I was left with nothing to hold on to. For example, the song Things Are Happening is a basic pop rock song, with a two second long piano part registering as the only unique part of a boring song. Stay With Me Tonight is more of a tender piano song, but instead of going all the way piano, they half-assed it and made it a tender pop-punk song with guitar and drums. I Fancy Abroad has a clever title and little more. Nagoya is actually one of the better songs on the album; the main guitar part is a trade-off between the two players, one playing the lower, power chords while the other plays the higher pitch, lead chords, and they alternate. The chorus is huge, with tons of people singing some of the parts, and it's actually pretty catchy. After that comes Behind The Gun, another piano-based rock song. Nothing new, nothing good. Abandone is the last good song on the album, rocking a drum 'n bass rhythm with some standard claps in there for good measure. The last two songs are You Can't Simi, and The Oaks On Prince Street. I don't know what Simi is, unless they're just making fun of Japanese people, but again, the song isn't as clever as the title. The final song, The Oaks On Prince Street, in no way lives up to its position. It's a decent song, slightly catchy, a bit less formulaic sounding, but it's nothing overly special. In fact, The Oaks On Prince Street is almost a metaphor for the entire album: it starts out promising and slow, gets loud and faster, then dies back down again and never reaches its full potential.
So a lackluster sophomore effort for Houston Calls solidifies the fact that they can't decide who they are or what they should be. It almost lacks more personality than their debut. I understand that they want to be a modern, new-wavy pop punk band, but when you only have ONE song with a synth in it (Abandone) when you started out as a synth-rock band, you're not doing that well. Entirely too much piano, not enough synth. The production is a bit slick, but it's not as bad as on A Collection of Short Stores. And I was a fool for thinking that not every song would be about a girl this time around. As much as I will probably always love this band, the music is really for like, 15 year olds at this point. The messages are mostly hackneyed and over-pondered at my age, and the music didn't keep my attention very well.
3/7
That's why, when I found out Houston Calls' new album was to be called The End of an Error, I once again got excited. Hoping that they'd realized what wimps they'd become on the last album, I ventured into the first song, Modest Manifesto. It was a faster song, more rough sounding, like early Houston Calls. It was great. The lyrics were slightly juvenile, but if that's the cost of having songs with some semblance of testosterone, so be it, I thought. Even the second song, "Life Won't Wait" (Rancid? what?) sounded alright, really radio-friendly, but nothing as lame as the final version of A Line in the Sand (the aforementioned transformed punk song -- I don't mean to rant but it's literally so bad. It's like they gave the song a sex change). So that's great and all, it's a bouncy pop punk song, also filling the role of their first single. The lyrics weren't even that bad: "Life won't wait for me to get back on both my feet again; it just might sucker me into the new, and flip the switch on everything I do." Yeah, it's all been said before, but they found a slightly new way to say it. The next song, A Shot in the Dark came on and I felt absolutely nothing for it. Still don't. It's about at this point that the album loses most of its solidity. The next few songs are almost nothing but cliché, mostly unoriginal pop punk songs.
This is the one area that The End of an Error fails even harder than the first. While the first was full of wussified (replace that w with a p for what I actually think) songs, at the very least the songs were relatively original. They had interesting hooks that actually kept you wanting to listen. Many of the songs on this album I listened to multiple times trying desperately to grasp onto anything great, but I was left with nothing to hold on to. For example, the song Things Are Happening is a basic pop rock song, with a two second long piano part registering as the only unique part of a boring song. Stay With Me Tonight is more of a tender piano song, but instead of going all the way piano, they half-assed it and made it a tender pop-punk song with guitar and drums. I Fancy Abroad has a clever title and little more. Nagoya is actually one of the better songs on the album; the main guitar part is a trade-off between the two players, one playing the lower, power chords while the other plays the higher pitch, lead chords, and they alternate. The chorus is huge, with tons of people singing some of the parts, and it's actually pretty catchy. After that comes Behind The Gun, another piano-based rock song. Nothing new, nothing good. Abandone is the last good song on the album, rocking a drum 'n bass rhythm with some standard claps in there for good measure. The last two songs are You Can't Simi, and The Oaks On Prince Street. I don't know what Simi is, unless they're just making fun of Japanese people, but again, the song isn't as clever as the title. The final song, The Oaks On Prince Street, in no way lives up to its position. It's a decent song, slightly catchy, a bit less formulaic sounding, but it's nothing overly special. In fact, The Oaks On Prince Street is almost a metaphor for the entire album: it starts out promising and slow, gets loud and faster, then dies back down again and never reaches its full potential.
So a lackluster sophomore effort for Houston Calls solidifies the fact that they can't decide who they are or what they should be. It almost lacks more personality than their debut. I understand that they want to be a modern, new-wavy pop punk band, but when you only have ONE song with a synth in it (Abandone) when you started out as a synth-rock band, you're not doing that well. Entirely too much piano, not enough synth. The production is a bit slick, but it's not as bad as on A Collection of Short Stores. And I was a fool for thinking that not every song would be about a girl this time around. As much as I will probably always love this band, the music is really for like, 15 year olds at this point. The messages are mostly hackneyed and over-pondered at my age, and the music didn't keep my attention very well.
3/7
11.04.2008
Chocolate News (S01E02)
To start out this review, I want to point out how great the Chocolate News logo is. After the title hits the background, a bunch of shiny little diamonds cover the word News, which I find absolutely hilarious.
Anyway, after viewing the second episode of this show, I feel like my hopes are beginning to be realized. This episode was easily as funny as the first, and it felt more concrete in its format; Chocolate News is becoming more of its own show, rather than mirroring its predecessors.
The first skit is about the economy. It looks at it from the view of a small, urban gang, the Black Guerilla family, which consists of three ganstas (one of which is David Alan Grier) and a crackwhore. They proceed to let us know how they can't service their neighborhood with the beatings and robbery that we would normally be blessed with because of the state of the economy. They don't have the money to pay for gas, basically, even resorting to doing drive-by's by bicycle! After, an economist informs us that "when crime is down, so is the economy." He uses the example of "psycho mike", who gets shot in the head. The funeral home, florist, police, etc. all will not get paid if psycho mike is not killed. So basically, there's your economic relief plan: rob and main people.
As lacking in funny as it sounds when I write it, it's pretty entertaining coming from David Alan Grier and co. So far, Chocolate News has been pretty good at coming up with decent comedic topics and ideas. Then again, it's only episode two. A hilarious, surprising surprise in this episode was when Niecy Nash, aka Raineesha Williams on Reno 911, showed up playing a parent of a little-league baseball player in the second skit. Man, I love that woman. The second skit details Thelonius Brown's institute to help little black children excel in baseball, through his controversial new method entitled ROIDS (Reinforcement, Optimism, Initiative, Dedication, and Support). Basically, he pumps little children full of steroids and throws them on the playing field. The funny part comes when you see little Troy, one of the outpatients of this institute. However, I think the funniest part is with Candelabra Effervescence, the transgender in the beauty pageant. The talent show section gets me every time.
Overall, the show is falling in place nicely I think. They're smart about the type of comedy that they use on Chocolate News, because it's funny and mainstream enough for the national white audience to grab ahold of it, and it's also got an underlying appeal to African-Americans not only in the issues it deals with, but in the spirit of the humor of the show. Without sounding racist, it's comedy that white people will laugh at, but black people will jump up and down and clap at and love. Also, if I make this sound like some sort of super black power show, it's not. It's as self-deprecating as it is self-appreciating. Last, if there's anybody who can continue to carry a show like this while keeping the high quality of the content, it's David Alan Grier. Earlier I remarked on how he could never really escape himself while portraying other characters, but now I really think that's a big part of why the producers chose him. He's very endearing, and he has enough charisma to perform this show to an audience of one and still sell it perfectly if he wanted.
5/7
Anyway, after viewing the second episode of this show, I feel like my hopes are beginning to be realized. This episode was easily as funny as the first, and it felt more concrete in its format; Chocolate News is becoming more of its own show, rather than mirroring its predecessors.
The first skit is about the economy. It looks at it from the view of a small, urban gang, the Black Guerilla family, which consists of three ganstas (one of which is David Alan Grier) and a crackwhore. They proceed to let us know how they can't service their neighborhood with the beatings and robbery that we would normally be blessed with because of the state of the economy. They don't have the money to pay for gas, basically, even resorting to doing drive-by's by bicycle! After, an economist informs us that "when crime is down, so is the economy." He uses the example of "psycho mike", who gets shot in the head. The funeral home, florist, police, etc. all will not get paid if psycho mike is not killed. So basically, there's your economic relief plan: rob and main people.
As lacking in funny as it sounds when I write it, it's pretty entertaining coming from David Alan Grier and co. So far, Chocolate News has been pretty good at coming up with decent comedic topics and ideas. Then again, it's only episode two. A hilarious, surprising surprise in this episode was when Niecy Nash, aka Raineesha Williams on Reno 911, showed up playing a parent of a little-league baseball player in the second skit. Man, I love that woman. The second skit details Thelonius Brown's institute to help little black children excel in baseball, through his controversial new method entitled ROIDS (Reinforcement, Optimism, Initiative, Dedication, and Support). Basically, he pumps little children full of steroids and throws them on the playing field. The funny part comes when you see little Troy, one of the outpatients of this institute. However, I think the funniest part is with Candelabra Effervescence, the transgender in the beauty pageant. The talent show section gets me every time.
Overall, the show is falling in place nicely I think. They're smart about the type of comedy that they use on Chocolate News, because it's funny and mainstream enough for the national white audience to grab ahold of it, and it's also got an underlying appeal to African-Americans not only in the issues it deals with, but in the spirit of the humor of the show. Without sounding racist, it's comedy that white people will laugh at, but black people will jump up and down and clap at and love. Also, if I make this sound like some sort of super black power show, it's not. It's as self-deprecating as it is self-appreciating. Last, if there's anybody who can continue to carry a show like this while keeping the high quality of the content, it's David Alan Grier. Earlier I remarked on how he could never really escape himself while portraying other characters, but now I really think that's a big part of why the producers chose him. He's very endearing, and he has enough charisma to perform this show to an audience of one and still sell it perfectly if he wanted.
5/7
11.03.2008
The Sarah Silverman Program (S02E13)
The Sarah Silverman Program has never been known for its strikingly coherent narrative. And it still isn't. And it's probably never going to be. But this week's episode did feel slightly more like a full, thought out (in a loose sense of the term) story than a plot derived from two or three jokes. I do have to stress the word 'slightly', too. Full-blown plot or half-baked story, I care not as long as it's still funny. And by God it was this week.
And yes, I know you're not supposed to start a sentence with "and".
Sarah finds herself underwater in a dream, her body modified to match that of a Mermaid. After singing a song with some fish and deciding it's cold underwater, she hustles over to a geothermal vent, spewing heated water, and sits on it to warm up, only to find herself in bed. Only problem is the bed is wet too. It seems that she's gone back to her old childhood habit of wetting the bed.
Meanwhile, Laura and Jay are out driving and discussing their vacation plans. They get a call from Sarah telling them that she's had an accident, so they haul ass over to her house expecting something terrible to have happened. When they get there, Sarah is sitting coolly on the couch, directing them to the bedroom, in which Jay finds a wet bed. Not the kind of accident that they'd been expecting, apparently.
Brian and Steve are, you guessed, fighting about something again in this week's episode. The fact that they're gay but they're also strangely not gay detracts from the viewers' ability to distinguish them as a couple, effectively making them seem way more married and annoying than they should be. Their arguments are always about stupid stuff though, so it's hard to take them too seriously. This time the argument is about Brian's beard, which has grown enormous, probably over a foot and a half long. Which is seriously commendable. Anyway, they're going to the mall to get their "ironic christmas pictures" taken, but Steve thinks that Brian's beard pushes the jokes a little bit over the edge. Brian obviously disagrees. They go to the mall to get the pictures, and Brian trips on the escalator, effectively catching his beard in the mechanism that keeps it moving. Steve slams the stop button, and who other than ADAM CAROLLA to come offer advice and support. He shows up sporting a wonderful mustache-less beard, informing Steve that a beard is a precious thing, each beard is unique, like a snowflake made of human hair. When the rescue op comes to a stand-still, the rest of the bearded workers come to remedy the situation.
Sarah ends up meeting a little girl with a bed wetting problem in the grocery store who gives her some valuable advice with which to battle her current affliction: ice cream, jelly beans, and no sleep. This is then turned into an awesome, catchy song about dry sheets, ice cream, and jelly beans being three of their favorite things. Damn, this song will be with me for days. In the end, Sarah doesn't actually solve her bed wetting problem, she just shoots Jay's turtle, Toot, because her lack of sleep convinces her that he's talking to her, attempting to convince her to take over the world. All in all, there weren't too many jokes in this episode, and the humor is more based on the situations. Adam Carolla was an unbelievable highlight to the episode that pushed the episode over the edge. In actuality, he's probably the only reason I'm giving this episode a seven, because he's just too damn awesome. One more thing I'd like to touch upon, that the brilliant Sarah Silverman does a good job bringing up at the end of this episode is the word milk. The word milk, and how some people tend to say it more like "melk" rather than with the I sound. Me and Sarah don't like it. Quit it.
7/7
And yes, I know you're not supposed to start a sentence with "and".
Sarah finds herself underwater in a dream, her body modified to match that of a Mermaid. After singing a song with some fish and deciding it's cold underwater, she hustles over to a geothermal vent, spewing heated water, and sits on it to warm up, only to find herself in bed. Only problem is the bed is wet too. It seems that she's gone back to her old childhood habit of wetting the bed.
Meanwhile, Laura and Jay are out driving and discussing their vacation plans. They get a call from Sarah telling them that she's had an accident, so they haul ass over to her house expecting something terrible to have happened. When they get there, Sarah is sitting coolly on the couch, directing them to the bedroom, in which Jay finds a wet bed. Not the kind of accident that they'd been expecting, apparently.
Brian and Steve are, you guessed, fighting about something again in this week's episode. The fact that they're gay but they're also strangely not gay detracts from the viewers' ability to distinguish them as a couple, effectively making them seem way more married and annoying than they should be. Their arguments are always about stupid stuff though, so it's hard to take them too seriously. This time the argument is about Brian's beard, which has grown enormous, probably over a foot and a half long. Which is seriously commendable. Anyway, they're going to the mall to get their "ironic christmas pictures" taken, but Steve thinks that Brian's beard pushes the jokes a little bit over the edge. Brian obviously disagrees. They go to the mall to get the pictures, and Brian trips on the escalator, effectively catching his beard in the mechanism that keeps it moving. Steve slams the stop button, and who other than ADAM CAROLLA to come offer advice and support. He shows up sporting a wonderful mustache-less beard, informing Steve that a beard is a precious thing, each beard is unique, like a snowflake made of human hair. When the rescue op comes to a stand-still, the rest of the bearded workers come to remedy the situation.
Sarah ends up meeting a little girl with a bed wetting problem in the grocery store who gives her some valuable advice with which to battle her current affliction: ice cream, jelly beans, and no sleep. This is then turned into an awesome, catchy song about dry sheets, ice cream, and jelly beans being three of their favorite things. Damn, this song will be with me for days. In the end, Sarah doesn't actually solve her bed wetting problem, she just shoots Jay's turtle, Toot, because her lack of sleep convinces her that he's talking to her, attempting to convince her to take over the world. All in all, there weren't too many jokes in this episode, and the humor is more based on the situations. Adam Carolla was an unbelievable highlight to the episode that pushed the episode over the edge. In actuality, he's probably the only reason I'm giving this episode a seven, because he's just too damn awesome. One more thing I'd like to touch upon, that the brilliant Sarah Silverman does a good job bringing up at the end of this episode is the word milk. The word milk, and how some people tend to say it more like "melk" rather than with the I sound. Me and Sarah don't like it. Quit it.
7/7
10.27.2008
Chocolate News (S01E01)
I've always liked David Alan Grier because he taught me the word "Tofurkey", which I still laugh at to this day. He's also at the helm of a new Comedy Central series called Chocolate News, which, if you aren't learned in ebonics, means news for Black people. I know that usually people hear "news" and think about a continuous timeline of negative events served fresh. But Chocolate News is the good kind of news; the kind that is completely made up and has no connection to the day's events, other than metaphorically.
So yeah, it is more of a sketch show than a news show. But it's a sketch show that feigns seriousness. This is the only reason I can think of to not call this show an attempt at Chappelle's Show part 2, but I'd have to imagine that any sketch show with a Black male lead from now on might (perhaps accurately) be called that.
Obviously, the type of comedy presented in the show is more geared toward a few minorities than your average white citizen, and I don't mean minorities in any negative way. It's stuff like a rapper doing PSAs for kids with scantily-clad women dancing and the usual clichés, a history lesson about the REAL first African-American person to run for President, and a visit with Maya Angelou to sample her speech for Barack Obama.
The real question here is about the host: David Alan Grier. A show is only as good as its host -- unless he/she can make it something more. I do think DAG is creative, funny, and dynamic enough for this role. If you dislike him, you are probably not going to like this show. As good as he is, though, even mid-character, you're still going to know it's David Alan Grier. Becoming the role is not his problem; he can nail the facial expressions and the lines and mannerisms, but whenever he gets excited, he becomes himself again. In my opinion, this isn't that big of a deal. You have to keep in mind that it's his show, and personally, the jokes were funny enough to distract from it.
Basically, Chocolate News is The Onion for Black people. And I love it. If Grier can continue to bring the laughs and maybe be a little more consistent with his portrayals, I could actually see this show taking off.
5/7
We Rate Stuff
So yeah, it is more of a sketch show than a news show. But it's a sketch show that feigns seriousness. This is the only reason I can think of to not call this show an attempt at Chappelle's Show part 2, but I'd have to imagine that any sketch show with a Black male lead from now on might (perhaps accurately) be called that.
Obviously, the type of comedy presented in the show is more geared toward a few minorities than your average white citizen, and I don't mean minorities in any negative way. It's stuff like a rapper doing PSAs for kids with scantily-clad women dancing and the usual clichés, a history lesson about the REAL first African-American person to run for President, and a visit with Maya Angelou to sample her speech for Barack Obama.
The real question here is about the host: David Alan Grier. A show is only as good as its host -- unless he/she can make it something more. I do think DAG is creative, funny, and dynamic enough for this role. If you dislike him, you are probably not going to like this show. As good as he is, though, even mid-character, you're still going to know it's David Alan Grier. Becoming the role is not his problem; he can nail the facial expressions and the lines and mannerisms, but whenever he gets excited, he becomes himself again. In my opinion, this isn't that big of a deal. You have to keep in mind that it's his show, and personally, the jokes were funny enough to distract from it.
Basically, Chocolate News is The Onion for Black people. And I love it. If Grier can continue to bring the laughs and maybe be a little more consistent with his portrayals, I could actually see this show taking off.
5/7
We Rate Stuff
10.24.2008
The Sarah Silverman Program (S02E10)
Sarah Silverman has done something great with her show. She's perfectly matched the writing style with her own sense of humor, probably because she's taken over much of the writing reigns. I've never seen a show that literally starts out by making jokes about a woman's bush. Until today. I think that's a good thing, though. The wait makes it better.
This week's premise is this: Men who look like Osama Bin Laden face the justice of the underside of Sarah's Ford Focus. I wonder if Ford gave them that car to use. I wouldn't think a corporate giant and staple in America's history like Ford would want to stick its name on a show like The Sarah Silverman Program, which promotes the use of drugs, running people over, and kidnapping the heads of corporations. Watch out, oldest living relative of Henry Ford!
So much ridiculous stuff happens in this week's episode that I have no idea how to review it. I could just stop at the world 'awesome', but that might be a big ambiguous. I could use a qualifier, like seriously awesome, but I think two words is a bit scant for a real review. How about an infomercial-y pitch for you to watch this week's episode?
"Do you have a huge, seventies-style bush? Do you think every man with a beard that you see while driving your Ford Focus is Osama Bin Laden, and do you have an overwhelming desire to run him down? Do you want to see a dramatic re-enaction of 9/11 with the twin towers played by two vaguely gay, chubby stoners? Have you ever mixed up a happy ending at a Korean Massage parlor for pooping? Well, now you can experience all this and MORE in this great episode of The Sarah Silverman Program!"
There... I think I got all the main points. To be honest, this week's episode was actually a stand-out episode. There were tons of hilarious puns and Silvermanesque jokes. There were totally hip musical references, with nods to Vampire Weekend and Wilco, two of indie music's most promising artists. There was a sneaky homage to Silverman's friend, Liam Lynch, in the name of the massage parlor that Steve goes to. There's a thinly-veiled underlying political message, but I'm pretty sure that everyone in America is so sick and tired of politics that nobody will take heed. Valiant attempt anyway, Ms. Silverman.
Two last things to mention: I hope that one day, "The Twelve Days of Christmas" is changed to reflect the hilarious result of Steve's massage mixup. They could change the line to "seven shrieking asians." It would be perfect! And, lastly, The Sarah Silverman Program is extremely colorful. That's an exceedingly obvious observation that I hadn't even observed until today. Good job, me!
6/7
We Rate Stuff
This week's premise is this: Men who look like Osama Bin Laden face the justice of the underside of Sarah's Ford Focus. I wonder if Ford gave them that car to use. I wouldn't think a corporate giant and staple in America's history like Ford would want to stick its name on a show like The Sarah Silverman Program, which promotes the use of drugs, running people over, and kidnapping the heads of corporations. Watch out, oldest living relative of Henry Ford!
So much ridiculous stuff happens in this week's episode that I have no idea how to review it. I could just stop at the world 'awesome', but that might be a big ambiguous. I could use a qualifier, like seriously awesome, but I think two words is a bit scant for a real review. How about an infomercial-y pitch for you to watch this week's episode?
"Do you have a huge, seventies-style bush? Do you think every man with a beard that you see while driving your Ford Focus is Osama Bin Laden, and do you have an overwhelming desire to run him down? Do you want to see a dramatic re-enaction of 9/11 with the twin towers played by two vaguely gay, chubby stoners? Have you ever mixed up a happy ending at a Korean Massage parlor for pooping? Well, now you can experience all this and MORE in this great episode of The Sarah Silverman Program!"
There... I think I got all the main points. To be honest, this week's episode was actually a stand-out episode. There were tons of hilarious puns and Silvermanesque jokes. There were totally hip musical references, with nods to Vampire Weekend and Wilco, two of indie music's most promising artists. There was a sneaky homage to Silverman's friend, Liam Lynch, in the name of the massage parlor that Steve goes to. There's a thinly-veiled underlying political message, but I'm pretty sure that everyone in America is so sick and tired of politics that nobody will take heed. Valiant attempt anyway, Ms. Silverman.
Two last things to mention: I hope that one day, "The Twelve Days of Christmas" is changed to reflect the hilarious result of Steve's massage mixup. They could change the line to "seven shrieking asians." It would be perfect! And, lastly, The Sarah Silverman Program is extremely colorful. That's an exceedingly obvious observation that I hadn't even observed until today. Good job, me!
6/7
We Rate Stuff
10.22.2008
Guns N' Roses - Chinese Democracy (single)
Once upon a time, Axl Rose was such a badass. He even got arrested at a show once! He threw the mic to the ground and walked off-stage, making rock n' roll history in a time when nothing good happened - the 80's. Lots of dumb shit happened, though, and Guns N' Roses' legacy wilted and fell apart like the second half of their name.
Axl later attempted to revitalize the band with myriad new musicians, with a potential album entitled "Chinese Democracy". After over a decade of waiting for it, many quipped that the album seeing the light of day was as unlikely as China actually becoming a democracy.
Today, though, Axl proved them wrong. The title track from Chinese Democracy is online today, in all its auditory glory.
The song starts out quite ominously with a single note droning in the background, when you start to hear voices. Upon first listen I couldn't tell what they were saying, but after a few attempts I've decided that it's people speaking some form of Chinese, although I can't tell whether it's the actual language, or the infamous Rosie O'Donnell dialect (Ching chong ching!). Next you hear a lame, muted guitar riff, followed by some more guitar that is too crunchy for the year 2008. Also, it sounds like the guitarist kept forgetting what to play, which is funny. Then you realize that it's taken over TEN YEARS for this music to reach the public. Then it becomes kinda sad. Axl comes in with his trademark howl and the song kicks into top gear.
The verses and choruses are entirely predictable and cheesy. Sounds like something that came from the nü-metal era around 2000. And it probably did! The lead-guitarist that replaced Slash (Bucket Head? Or one of the 200 others...) does absolutely nothing to distinguish himself from the huge-haired legend, except electronically alter a few notes in a solo or fill every now and then. Honest to god, you will hear his parts and think that it's Slash.
And then there's Axl's voice. It was one of the main standout factors for Guns N' Roses, and it may be here, too, but for a different reason. He can't hit the notes anymore. He sings an octave lower than he used to. Granted, there is an overriding backing vocals layer during the verses where he sings the high part too, but it's mixed very low. In the parts where he doesn't have himself to accompany himself, his voice sounds stupid. It's low and raspy, not resembling the classic screech at all. It could be anybody, and it sounds dumb.
The lyrics... oh, the lyrics. They consist of some vague, faux-social commentary that actually does not present any discernible argument or point, and on top of that, it has arrived over ten years too late. At this point, the song just sounds like a bad joke about itself. One of the lines is "'Cause it would take a lot more time than you / have got for masturbation". He doesn't even say what would take that much time. China becoming a democracy? I've gotta believe that he just saw the underlying 'ation' suffix rhyme scheme and couldn't resist. Ironically enough, the most used word in the lyrics is "time". He even ends the song by saying, "... and you're out of time!"
Bold words coming from you, Axl.
2/7
We Rate Stuff
Axl later attempted to revitalize the band with myriad new musicians, with a potential album entitled "Chinese Democracy". After over a decade of waiting for it, many quipped that the album seeing the light of day was as unlikely as China actually becoming a democracy.
Today, though, Axl proved them wrong. The title track from Chinese Democracy is online today, in all its auditory glory.
The song starts out quite ominously with a single note droning in the background, when you start to hear voices. Upon first listen I couldn't tell what they were saying, but after a few attempts I've decided that it's people speaking some form of Chinese, although I can't tell whether it's the actual language, or the infamous Rosie O'Donnell dialect (Ching chong ching!). Next you hear a lame, muted guitar riff, followed by some more guitar that is too crunchy for the year 2008. Also, it sounds like the guitarist kept forgetting what to play, which is funny. Then you realize that it's taken over TEN YEARS for this music to reach the public. Then it becomes kinda sad. Axl comes in with his trademark howl and the song kicks into top gear.
The verses and choruses are entirely predictable and cheesy. Sounds like something that came from the nü-metal era around 2000. And it probably did! The lead-guitarist that replaced Slash (Bucket Head? Or one of the 200 others...) does absolutely nothing to distinguish himself from the huge-haired legend, except electronically alter a few notes in a solo or fill every now and then. Honest to god, you will hear his parts and think that it's Slash.
And then there's Axl's voice. It was one of the main standout factors for Guns N' Roses, and it may be here, too, but for a different reason. He can't hit the notes anymore. He sings an octave lower than he used to. Granted, there is an overriding backing vocals layer during the verses where he sings the high part too, but it's mixed very low. In the parts where he doesn't have himself to accompany himself, his voice sounds stupid. It's low and raspy, not resembling the classic screech at all. It could be anybody, and it sounds dumb.
The lyrics... oh, the lyrics. They consist of some vague, faux-social commentary that actually does not present any discernible argument or point, and on top of that, it has arrived over ten years too late. At this point, the song just sounds like a bad joke about itself. One of the lines is "'Cause it would take a lot more time than you / have got for masturbation". He doesn't even say what would take that much time. China becoming a democracy? I've gotta believe that he just saw the underlying 'ation' suffix rhyme scheme and couldn't resist. Ironically enough, the most used word in the lyrics is "time". He even ends the song by saying, "... and you're out of time!"
Bold words coming from you, Axl.
2/7
We Rate Stuff
10.21.2008
IceClean (Mac Only)
Since switching from Windows to Mac, I've found myself with a complete lack of a need to scan my computer. For anything! Sure that's a great thing, it's just... so ingrained after a lifetime of AdAware, Spyware Blocker, McAfee Virus Scan, etc. It's like Phantom Limb Syndrome -- it's gone, but you still feel like it's there. Yeah, you could scan for spyware, but I've done that twice in the half year I've had my Mac, and not once has a single threat appeared, so that's out of the question.
Enter IceClean, a high-powered, multifunctional application that will keep your Mac running clean, secure, and fast. On one hand you have the body of the app: compact and clean, it can look up Whois information (sneaky), trace network addresses, display all current socket connections, and display system info, mostly dealing with memory and processors. The body isn't where the power lies, though; the menubar is where IceClean keeps the big guns. This is my only complaint about the program; the menubar menus should be available on the body of the app as well, because that's what I've noticed confuses people most about IceClean.
Here are the three main menus and their subsequent actions:
OSX Maintenance:
- Full System Profiler
- Verify System Disk
- Periodic Routine Cron Scripts
- Verify Preferences .plist files
- Repair Permissions files
- Update Prebindings
- Update Locate & Whatis Databases
- Rebuild LaunchServices
OSX Cleanup
- Remove System Caches
- Clean Font Caches
- Deep Safari Cleanup
- Clean Safari Icons
- Deep System Cleanup
- Remove Log files
- Remove .Localized files
- Remove Temporary Files
- Remove All files
Security & Network
- System Journaling Process
- System Activity Monitor
- Network Info
- AFP Connection
- Firewall
- Firewall Rules
- Firewall Settings
There's also a menu called Utilities, which will allow you to make use of many of your Mac's inherent abilities, including some that aren't readily available without downloading some program to enable them, such as Finder Animations, Address Book Debug Menu, Safari Debug Menu, and Fast Mac Screen Lock.
Basically, IceClean is all you need to keep your Mac running at top speed and efficiency. I do a Deep System Cleanup once a week (which requires a restart), and my computer runs as well as the day I bought it. I even have an anecdote about why IceClean is so great: I downloaded Google Desktop once upon a time. It's a great little thing to have if you feel it's necessary; I thought it was at first, but I realized after having it for a month that I hadn't used it once, so I tried to uninstall it. The problem is, I didn't know that Google Updater was simultaneously installed, which was where I could've uninstalled it, had I known that. So I went through and tried to delete every single file associated with Google Desktop, which did not remedy the problem; the app would still appear, it just didn't do anything. At this point, I found out about Google Updater and tried to uninstall it, unsuccessfully. After much frustration, I tried repairing my permissions files, restarted, and I uninstalled Google Desktop in like two seconds. IceClean works wonders. You'll see.
7/7
We Rate Stuff
Enter IceClean, a high-powered, multifunctional application that will keep your Mac running clean, secure, and fast. On one hand you have the body of the app: compact and clean, it can look up Whois information (sneaky), trace network addresses, display all current socket connections, and display system info, mostly dealing with memory and processors. The body isn't where the power lies, though; the menubar is where IceClean keeps the big guns. This is my only complaint about the program; the menubar menus should be available on the body of the app as well, because that's what I've noticed confuses people most about IceClean.
Here are the three main menus and their subsequent actions:
OSX Maintenance:
- Full System Profiler
- Verify System Disk
- Periodic Routine Cron Scripts
- Verify Preferences .plist files
- Repair Permissions files
- Update Prebindings
- Update Locate & Whatis Databases
- Rebuild LaunchServices
OSX Cleanup
- Remove System Caches
- Clean Font Caches
- Deep Safari Cleanup
- Clean Safari Icons
- Deep System Cleanup
- Remove Log files
- Remove .Localized files
- Remove Temporary Files
- Remove All files
Security & Network
- System Journaling Process
- System Activity Monitor
- Network Info
- AFP Connection
- Firewall
- Firewall Rules
- Firewall Settings
There's also a menu called Utilities, which will allow you to make use of many of your Mac's inherent abilities, including some that aren't readily available without downloading some program to enable them, such as Finder Animations, Address Book Debug Menu, Safari Debug Menu, and Fast Mac Screen Lock.
Basically, IceClean is all you need to keep your Mac running at top speed and efficiency. I do a Deep System Cleanup once a week (which requires a restart), and my computer runs as well as the day I bought it. I even have an anecdote about why IceClean is so great: I downloaded Google Desktop once upon a time. It's a great little thing to have if you feel it's necessary; I thought it was at first, but I realized after having it for a month that I hadn't used it once, so I tried to uninstall it. The problem is, I didn't know that Google Updater was simultaneously installed, which was where I could've uninstalled it, had I known that. So I went through and tried to delete every single file associated with Google Desktop, which did not remedy the problem; the app would still appear, it just didn't do anything. At this point, I found out about Google Updater and tried to uninstall it, unsuccessfully. After much frustration, I tried repairing my permissions files, restarted, and I uninstalled Google Desktop in like two seconds. IceClean works wonders. You'll see.
7/7
We Rate Stuff
10.20.2008
The Sarah Silverman Program (S02E09)
Sarah Silverman overslept. Upon realizing this, she predicts that her sister will call her about getting lunch at any moment. She does! Sarah deduces that she must be psychic. Walking into the kitchen, she even sees far enough into the future to know that she's going to walk to the fridge and drink some Orange Juice (which was, reassuringly, Simply Orange juice).
Meeting at the same diner they always do, Sarah and her friends discuss her psychicness -- or, a few minutes later, her lack thereof; she realizes that she's not psychic, her friends are just predictable. Going by typical Silverman judgement, she decides to instantly disown them, and sets out to find some new ones.
So begins a strangely funny homage to the old Sesame Street songs, in which tone-deaf kids barked under seventies-era bubbly-fonted words. The song introduces her new friends, who are all strange enough to be found at your local State Fair. Except for Mark the Chinese Lawyer.
Meanwhile, Todd Barry makes a cameo as a completely unnecessary grief counselor, who thankfully utters no mention of the Doggy Bounce, hired by Sarah to cheer up her ex-friends. After being disowned, Sarah's friends find themselves in the midst of a medical emergency having to do with Steve's "pot tits", in what I can only imagine is a thinly-veiled attempt to include marijuana in every episode this season (and applaudably, though not overly creatively, so).
The end of the episode is half-predictable, which is only half less-so than Sarah's friends. Predictable or not, it wasn't exceedingly funny, and I think I only laughed twice during the entire episode. Sarah Silverman is great at portraying those little emotions that only comprise a second or two of face time, which is impressive. Also, I can't say enough about how hilariously lame Jay Johnston's character, Jay, is. He must have so much fun playing him. "Making New Friends" was made up largely of bad puns and one-liners, and barely chuckle-worthy jokes, but it imparts the important lesson that emotionally retarded people only have to buy absurd gifts to keep friends.
3/7
We Rate Stuff
Meeting at the same diner they always do, Sarah and her friends discuss her psychicness -- or, a few minutes later, her lack thereof; she realizes that she's not psychic, her friends are just predictable. Going by typical Silverman judgement, she decides to instantly disown them, and sets out to find some new ones.
So begins a strangely funny homage to the old Sesame Street songs, in which tone-deaf kids barked under seventies-era bubbly-fonted words. The song introduces her new friends, who are all strange enough to be found at your local State Fair. Except for Mark the Chinese Lawyer.
Meanwhile, Todd Barry makes a cameo as a completely unnecessary grief counselor, who thankfully utters no mention of the Doggy Bounce, hired by Sarah to cheer up her ex-friends. After being disowned, Sarah's friends find themselves in the midst of a medical emergency having to do with Steve's "pot tits", in what I can only imagine is a thinly-veiled attempt to include marijuana in every episode this season (and applaudably, though not overly creatively, so).
The end of the episode is half-predictable, which is only half less-so than Sarah's friends. Predictable or not, it wasn't exceedingly funny, and I think I only laughed twice during the entire episode. Sarah Silverman is great at portraying those little emotions that only comprise a second or two of face time, which is impressive. Also, I can't say enough about how hilariously lame Jay Johnston's character, Jay, is. He must have so much fun playing him. "Making New Friends" was made up largely of bad puns and one-liners, and barely chuckle-worthy jokes, but it imparts the important lesson that emotionally retarded people only have to buy absurd gifts to keep friends.
3/7
We Rate Stuff
Wendy's Flavor-Dipped Chicken Sandwich
I'm a big fan of sauce on things. Whether it's dipped or slathered on, I'm there. Fast food restaurants don't usually facilitate this characteristic of mine, opting to be greedy bastards by using less sauce, thereby saving them like .0004 cents. Sauce can be a make-or-break factor in deciding what would be the most awesome thing to eat. I guess Wendy's finally realized that, inching past their competitors in the sauce category, because the Flavor-Dipped Chicken Sandwich probably could not have more sauce on it.
I experienced the Flavor-Dipped Chicken Sandwich by means of the Buffalo variety, which is one of my favorite flavors. When I unwrapped the sandwich, it was as if someone had shot one of those poor buffalo, who had proceeded to drip his delicious, spicy orange juice all over the wrapper. I lifted the top of the bun and found more of the same. Usually, a sandwich with a name similar to this one would be unveiled, I'd buy it and realize I've been swindled, staring down a small dollop of flavor in a circle on top. Wendy's stays true to their word, though; if you buy this sandwich, do so expecting generous amounts of sauce.
The chicken that the item is made from was surprisingly real. It was juicy and flavorful, and best of all it actually FELT like chicken, not some anonymous material of a slippery, mushy texture. The sandwich is easily big and thick enough to satiate one's hunger, but don't be surprised if you want another after eating the first because it was so good. Be aware that the greatness comes in BBQ flavor, too.
7/7
We Rate Stuff
I experienced the Flavor-Dipped Chicken Sandwich by means of the Buffalo variety, which is one of my favorite flavors. When I unwrapped the sandwich, it was as if someone had shot one of those poor buffalo, who had proceeded to drip his delicious, spicy orange juice all over the wrapper. I lifted the top of the bun and found more of the same. Usually, a sandwich with a name similar to this one would be unveiled, I'd buy it and realize I've been swindled, staring down a small dollop of flavor in a circle on top. Wendy's stays true to their word, though; if you buy this sandwich, do so expecting generous amounts of sauce.
The chicken that the item is made from was surprisingly real. It was juicy and flavorful, and best of all it actually FELT like chicken, not some anonymous material of a slippery, mushy texture. The sandwich is easily big and thick enough to satiate one's hunger, but don't be surprised if you want another after eating the first because it was so good. Be aware that the greatness comes in BBQ flavor, too.
7/7
We Rate Stuff
10.16.2008
My Japanese Coach (DS)
Japan, being the second largest superpower nation on Earth, is becoming ever more influential and beginning to really spread its culture around the world the way America has. It's noticeable in many aspects of life: anime shows are starting to crop up on various American networks, many video game and console developers are based in Japan, and demand for Japanese translators is very high in the business world. Now, using only your Nintendo DS, you can become a part of the quickly growing minority of foreign Japanese speakers.
My Japanese Coach is a resource that many people, myself included, have been awaiting for quite some time. It may seem ridiculous, trying to stash a whole language onto a Nintendo DS cart, but they've done it for other languages, and though it's presented in a more simple, fundamental, albeit efficient fashion, using just this game it's totally possible to gain a solid, basic grasp of the language. It's a long game, so I haven't fully explored the potential, but I can say that it starts you out with the fundamentals, and you work your way up from there.
There are a few different techniques that My Japanese Coach uses to, well, coach you. When introducing you to new words and/or phrases, you have three options: write, listen, and speak. They're pretty self-explanatory, but for the purpose of unnecessary length and detail I'll explain them. When in write mode, each syllable of the word or phrase is displayed in Kana or Kanji, and you trace the symbol as if you were writing it. Listen mode plays an audio clip of the word or phrase you click on. Speak mode allows you to record yourself speaking, which you can listen to for correction purposes, or compare to the pre-recorded audio clip.
My Japanese Coach also teaches based on minigames, like word searches, multiple choice, and whack-a-mole-esque games, with more added the further you go. Upon completing the games, you gain "mastery points" for each word, until you have mastered the words and can move on to the next level. This is a great way to reinforce the words, rather than just seeing it and learning the definition once or twice.
The interface is simple and enjoyable, including a woman instructor, who emotes her way through the game for you. The game also includes a reference guide, in which you can find commonly spoken and helpful words and phrases. Don't expect to play this game for a few hours, then be prepared to airdrop into Japan, conversing fluently with everybody in sight. Like learning any language, it will take time and practice, and I'm gonna go ahead and say that you'll need a resource a bit more in-depth if you really want to learn Japanese, not a simplified version. My Japanese Coach, however, presents the perfect jumping off point, just enough to get you hooked and to make you want to learn more.
6/7
My Japanese Coach is a resource that many people, myself included, have been awaiting for quite some time. It may seem ridiculous, trying to stash a whole language onto a Nintendo DS cart, but they've done it for other languages, and though it's presented in a more simple, fundamental, albeit efficient fashion, using just this game it's totally possible to gain a solid, basic grasp of the language. It's a long game, so I haven't fully explored the potential, but I can say that it starts you out with the fundamentals, and you work your way up from there.
There are a few different techniques that My Japanese Coach uses to, well, coach you. When introducing you to new words and/or phrases, you have three options: write, listen, and speak. They're pretty self-explanatory, but for the purpose of unnecessary length and detail I'll explain them. When in write mode, each syllable of the word or phrase is displayed in Kana or Kanji, and you trace the symbol as if you were writing it. Listen mode plays an audio clip of the word or phrase you click on. Speak mode allows you to record yourself speaking, which you can listen to for correction purposes, or compare to the pre-recorded audio clip.
My Japanese Coach also teaches based on minigames, like word searches, multiple choice, and whack-a-mole-esque games, with more added the further you go. Upon completing the games, you gain "mastery points" for each word, until you have mastered the words and can move on to the next level. This is a great way to reinforce the words, rather than just seeing it and learning the definition once or twice.
The interface is simple and enjoyable, including a woman instructor, who emotes her way through the game for you. The game also includes a reference guide, in which you can find commonly spoken and helpful words and phrases. Don't expect to play this game for a few hours, then be prepared to airdrop into Japan, conversing fluently with everybody in sight. Like learning any language, it will take time and practice, and I'm gonna go ahead and say that you'll need a resource a bit more in-depth if you really want to learn Japanese, not a simplified version. My Japanese Coach, however, presents the perfect jumping off point, just enough to get you hooked and to make you want to learn more.
6/7
10.14.2008
Reckoner Lockdown (Kanye vs. Radiohead) - DJ Earworm
If there are two artists more separated by genre and style that need to be stirred together more than Kanye West and Radiohead, then the world is a much better place than I thought. DJ Earworm, who makes me wonder if he got his name from Animorphs, has gone ahead and done just that. Recently both Kanye West and Radiohead have released "stems" of songs, meant to be used in home grown remixes. Each stem has a certain instrument or part of the song on it, allowing you to cut and paste, chop and screw, and alter the song in just about any way you want. Radiohead even had a contest for "Reckoner" remixes, but the top few were rather disappointing and uninspired.
Earworm evidently took a page from The Dude and said "fuck it", effectively creating a musical Frankenstein. Thankfully, this creation is a bit easier on the senses, a bit less monstrous than the OG Frankenstein.
Earworm's vision for this mashup plays out well through all 5 minutes of the track. It starts out with some strings, leading into Kanye's first verse, under which Reckoner's two guitar parts fade in. Love Lockdown's rhythm gets a makeover, increasing the pace and smoothing it out a bit, while Reckoner's various parts are lowered in key to match Love Lockdown. Replacing the chord progression behind Love Lockdown with Reckoner's shifts Kanye's vocal melody to a sadder tone, but more importantly it makes it sound fresh again. Another cool thing about this song is that it more openly displays some of the lesser-known, harder-to-hear parts from Reckoner, like the organ and acoustic guitar.
One problem with Reckoner Lockdown is that somehow, even though it's only 30 seconds longer than Love Lockdown, it manages to make it way more repetitive. It's okay though, 'cause there is a lot to grab onto other than the vocals. While Earworm has definitely created a fantastic song in Reckoner Lockdown, and I can see it becoming huge, especially in clubs if it can find its way, I can't say that he's done anything excessively original with the tracks. Each part is exactly where you expect it to be, and after the first listen, there's not much that will take you by surprise. While predictable and even a bit repetitive, I've listened to this song at least 25 times today, so obviously it's not hampering the song too much.
5/7
Earworm evidently took a page from The Dude and said "fuck it", effectively creating a musical Frankenstein. Thankfully, this creation is a bit easier on the senses, a bit less monstrous than the OG Frankenstein.
Earworm's vision for this mashup plays out well through all 5 minutes of the track. It starts out with some strings, leading into Kanye's first verse, under which Reckoner's two guitar parts fade in. Love Lockdown's rhythm gets a makeover, increasing the pace and smoothing it out a bit, while Reckoner's various parts are lowered in key to match Love Lockdown. Replacing the chord progression behind Love Lockdown with Reckoner's shifts Kanye's vocal melody to a sadder tone, but more importantly it makes it sound fresh again. Another cool thing about this song is that it more openly displays some of the lesser-known, harder-to-hear parts from Reckoner, like the organ and acoustic guitar.
One problem with Reckoner Lockdown is that somehow, even though it's only 30 seconds longer than Love Lockdown, it manages to make it way more repetitive. It's okay though, 'cause there is a lot to grab onto other than the vocals. While Earworm has definitely created a fantastic song in Reckoner Lockdown, and I can see it becoming huge, especially in clubs if it can find its way, I can't say that he's done anything excessively original with the tracks. Each part is exactly where you expect it to be, and after the first listen, there's not much that will take you by surprise. While predictable and even a bit repetitive, I've listened to this song at least 25 times today, so obviously it's not hampering the song too much.
5/7
10.10.2008
The Sarah Silverman Program (S2B, E02)
Good old Comedy Central has graced us with two consecutive nights of The Sarah Silverman Program, this episode being titled 'The Mongolian Beef'. But she means beef like problem. Get it?? Anyway, this episode's plot is a classic example of a Sarah Silverman idea: Sarah sues the country of Mongolia.
Sarah comes to terms with some memories she's blocked after meeting for lunch with her sister, where a Chinese man spoke to Laura, apparently believing her to be Chinese. When Sarah begins to wonder why this occurred, Laura tells her that she has "vaguely asian features" because their ancestors were raped by Mongolians. Meanwhile, Brian walks in on Steve making a short film, sitting in a box with a helmet on like some sort of race car driver. Steve reluctantly admits that he has all these ideas for short films, so he just started making them. He shows one to Brian, who thinks they're amazing and wants Steve to put them on Youtube after showing him a crappy short film by someone else. Elsewhere, Sarah takes her sister to see a surprise for her. When she opens her eyes, there is an enormous billboard on the side of the road with Laura's face on it, proclaiming she is a product of Mongolian rape. The country of Mongolia sues Sarah for defamation amongst other charges, and Sarah countersues.
I can't say enough about the cast of this show. Not everyone on it is an unbelievable actor (actually, a lot of them are a bit unbelievable), but they all have such an ingrained styles and attitudes, and they all mesh together really well. Each person's humor mixes together to form some sort of monstrous SUPER humor. Then again, if you aren't already fans of most of the actors, you might not feel that way. Then again AGAIN, if you aren't already fans of most of the actors, go out of your way to become one. Also, Jay Johnston is too good at playing a straight-laced loser cop.
Instead of the entire episode being funny in general, 'The Mongolian Beef's humor came more in the form of individual moments and lines. For example, at the beginning of the episode, when Sarah walks into her building's hallway with her dog, Doug, her landlord points out how cute Doug is, to which Sarah responds "Sometimes, most of the time Doug is dead inside." She proceeds to smile and walk away. Or the part in Steve's short video, hilarious entitled "Steve Racer", where he uses the "ideas" bong from the last episode as a gun against an evil version of Steve. Or the part where the Mongolians describe their country to the court cameras, which I won't detail 'cause it's perfect.
One thing I've noticed about this show that makes me enjoy it a lot more is that the plot is always inconsistent. One minute she's seriously suing a whole country, the next minute she's partying with them. It harkens back to Mr. Show in that way, because you absolutely never know what's going to happen next, and the plot-line meanders like an old lady with Alzheimer's. I definitely enjoyed this episode more than the previous because it was funnier in general, and Mongolian beef sounds amazing right now.
5/7
Sarah comes to terms with some memories she's blocked after meeting for lunch with her sister, where a Chinese man spoke to Laura, apparently believing her to be Chinese. When Sarah begins to wonder why this occurred, Laura tells her that she has "vaguely asian features" because their ancestors were raped by Mongolians. Meanwhile, Brian walks in on Steve making a short film, sitting in a box with a helmet on like some sort of race car driver. Steve reluctantly admits that he has all these ideas for short films, so he just started making them. He shows one to Brian, who thinks they're amazing and wants Steve to put them on Youtube after showing him a crappy short film by someone else. Elsewhere, Sarah takes her sister to see a surprise for her. When she opens her eyes, there is an enormous billboard on the side of the road with Laura's face on it, proclaiming she is a product of Mongolian rape. The country of Mongolia sues Sarah for defamation amongst other charges, and Sarah countersues.
I can't say enough about the cast of this show. Not everyone on it is an unbelievable actor (actually, a lot of them are a bit unbelievable), but they all have such an ingrained styles and attitudes, and they all mesh together really well. Each person's humor mixes together to form some sort of monstrous SUPER humor. Then again, if you aren't already fans of most of the actors, you might not feel that way. Then again AGAIN, if you aren't already fans of most of the actors, go out of your way to become one. Also, Jay Johnston is too good at playing a straight-laced loser cop.
Instead of the entire episode being funny in general, 'The Mongolian Beef's humor came more in the form of individual moments and lines. For example, at the beginning of the episode, when Sarah walks into her building's hallway with her dog, Doug, her landlord points out how cute Doug is, to which Sarah responds "Sometimes, most of the time Doug is dead inside." She proceeds to smile and walk away. Or the part in Steve's short video, hilarious entitled "Steve Racer", where he uses the "ideas" bong from the last episode as a gun against an evil version of Steve. Or the part where the Mongolians describe their country to the court cameras, which I won't detail 'cause it's perfect.
One thing I've noticed about this show that makes me enjoy it a lot more is that the plot is always inconsistent. One minute she's seriously suing a whole country, the next minute she's partying with them. It harkens back to Mr. Show in that way, because you absolutely never know what's going to happen next, and the plot-line meanders like an old lady with Alzheimer's. I definitely enjoyed this episode more than the previous because it was funnier in general, and Mongolian beef sounds amazing right now.
5/7
10.09.2008
Sarah Silverman Program (S2B, E01)
Sarah Silverman has been trying to find her place for what seems like a longer time than any other comedian to make it big. But Sarah's always been kinda big, just under-the-radar big. Recently, though, she's sought to claim her (rightful) place as the lovably potty-mouthed, stoney Jewish girl who loves to make racist jokes almost as much as we love to pretend we hate them. Ahh, underlying hatred, will you ever get old? Or just more hatey?
After a long absence, the aptly titled The Sarah Silverman Program has returned to say 'poop' a lot and make funny faces at you. Kind of like my ex-girlfriend. Just an FYI, this is not the third season. Since season 2 got chopped up from the writer's strike, Silverman and co. are calling this season 2B. The first episode is called 'High, It's Sarah'.
Obviously, this episode is about the marijuana. Brian and Sarah realize that they haven't hung out in a while, and as Brian was just plannin' on getting a little high, Sarah joins. All sorts of crazy, weedy shenanigans ensue, culminating in conspiracy theories, kidnapping, and a SWAT team. So basically just a normal day of smoking weed, right? WRONG, 'cause it's not in their mind.
It's actually pretty mind-boggling how much marijuana is infiltrating mainstream culture nowadays. It's one thing to see Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill, two self-proclaimed super stoners, haze up the silver screen, but full bong usage on Comedy Central is just nuts. It makes perfect sense though; I'd be willing to bet at least half of the comedians on Comedy Central partake. Sarah Silverman and Brian Posehn have both been longtime fans, as well.
Anyway, though marijuana is often a great source of comedy, as it is in this episode, 'High, It's Sarah' isn't one of the best. It's definitely one of the good, the stoney, and the funny, and fans of any of the comedians on the show will be satisfied, but first-timers and anyone over 30 probably won't dig it much. It delivers consistent chuckles, but it sends a muddled message about marijuana that only Silverman can understand, and that's probably exactly what she wanted.
4/7
After a long absence, the aptly titled The Sarah Silverman Program has returned to say 'poop' a lot and make funny faces at you. Kind of like my ex-girlfriend. Just an FYI, this is not the third season. Since season 2 got chopped up from the writer's strike, Silverman and co. are calling this season 2B. The first episode is called 'High, It's Sarah'.
Obviously, this episode is about the marijuana. Brian and Sarah realize that they haven't hung out in a while, and as Brian was just plannin' on getting a little high, Sarah joins. All sorts of crazy, weedy shenanigans ensue, culminating in conspiracy theories, kidnapping, and a SWAT team. So basically just a normal day of smoking weed, right? WRONG, 'cause it's not in their mind.
It's actually pretty mind-boggling how much marijuana is infiltrating mainstream culture nowadays. It's one thing to see Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill, two self-proclaimed super stoners, haze up the silver screen, but full bong usage on Comedy Central is just nuts. It makes perfect sense though; I'd be willing to bet at least half of the comedians on Comedy Central partake. Sarah Silverman and Brian Posehn have both been longtime fans, as well.
Anyway, though marijuana is often a great source of comedy, as it is in this episode, 'High, It's Sarah' isn't one of the best. It's definitely one of the good, the stoney, and the funny, and fans of any of the comedians on the show will be satisfied, but first-timers and anyone over 30 probably won't dig it much. It delivers consistent chuckles, but it sends a muddled message about marijuana that only Silverman can understand, and that's probably exactly what she wanted.
4/7
10.07.2008
Time Hollow
The Nintendo DS has an unfortunate reputation. The problem is, a lot of people think it's for kids. Or strictly casual gamers. Sure, maybe the main DS library includes a pretty hefty amount of kid- and casual-based games, but I'd say for every 4 or 5 of those, there's one game with a great story, challenging gameplay, an actual message even. Time Hollow, a recent Konami release, finds itself among that demographic.
Time Hollow is only the second DS game that I've played that I would consider having a really cool story, the first being Professor Layton and the Curious Village, which, if you haven't played yet, sell everything you can to get it. Anyway, Time Hollow obviously deals with time. The story is based around a fella named Ethan. He's a normal kid who lives a normal life with his parents and friends, until the day before his 17th birthday. His dad tells him that he's got a secret to tell him, but he can only do it on his birthday, so Ethan goes to sleep that night only to have a strange dream in which his parents walk into what is seemingly a hole in time. Ethan wakes up to find his Uncle, who he and his parents weren't on the best terms with, is his caretaker now, and somehow is parents went missing 12 years ago. Weird, right? I know!
Ethan finds a 'hollow pen' attached to his cat's collar, and somehow gleans that this is the object with which he can make a portal in time, just like in his dream. As soon as he does, he sees a few images in his head. These are flashbacks, and they're integral to the game. They provide the clues you need to figure out what the hell is going on, as the game can get quite confusing. You have to find out the details of each flashback, which will lead to you going back through time in order to change what happened in that flashback, but doing so only causes new, different flashbacks. A good ol' time travel paradox, indeed. The plot is actually really cool, there are some great twists and the time travel element and the associated problems all make for great story material.
Time Hollow is fundamentally a point-and-click adventure game. Tap the objects on the screen for a short explanation of what they are, tap a certain icon to move to another place, an icon to leave wherever you are, etc. All information is obtained through tapping on things. Doing so will provide you with the clues to advance the story. Now, I'm not sure how, because the DS has been out for quite a while, but Konami managed to slightly mess up the control scheme; sometimes the touch screen is very inaccurate, causing you to click things you didn't want to. Not only that, but they didn't pay too much attention to detail, as you can tap anywhere around your bed in your room, for example, and it will still tell you the information for your bed. Also, for some reason they decided it would be good for us to have to tap everything twice for it to work. All that can be frustrating, but it gradually fades as the game goes on. The hollow pen allows you to create a portal to the past (which, ironically enough, you created) that will enable you to reach into the past and affect and change people, places, and things, which will in turn create a new present. This aspect of the game is mind-bendingly cool.
This game actually has cutscenes! Like full, real animated cutscenes, sometimes even with voice acting, which was surprisingly convincing. It's a welcome addition to what is otherwise a relatively repetitive game, as far as gameplay goes. The characters in the game are well-drawn and consistent, and they all play a big role throughout various parts of the game. The background music is ambient and mysterious, adding a nice layer to the game. Time Hollow is unfortunately short, coming in at six chapters and an epilogue. Each chapter is actually pretty short in itself, but it works because the chapters play out more like extended scenes in a movie, rather than specific sections of a game. The bottom line is, if you want a DS game with a story, play Time Hollow. If you like anything to do with time travel, play Time Hollow. The gameplay is nothing exceedingly new, it's kinda short, and Konami could've done a better job with the touch screen, but Time Hollow is a very welcome break from the flow of usual DS games, and it's very hard to put down.
6/7
Time Hollow is only the second DS game that I've played that I would consider having a really cool story, the first being Professor Layton and the Curious Village, which, if you haven't played yet, sell everything you can to get it. Anyway, Time Hollow obviously deals with time. The story is based around a fella named Ethan. He's a normal kid who lives a normal life with his parents and friends, until the day before his 17th birthday. His dad tells him that he's got a secret to tell him, but he can only do it on his birthday, so Ethan goes to sleep that night only to have a strange dream in which his parents walk into what is seemingly a hole in time. Ethan wakes up to find his Uncle, who he and his parents weren't on the best terms with, is his caretaker now, and somehow is parents went missing 12 years ago. Weird, right? I know!
Ethan finds a 'hollow pen' attached to his cat's collar, and somehow gleans that this is the object with which he can make a portal in time, just like in his dream. As soon as he does, he sees a few images in his head. These are flashbacks, and they're integral to the game. They provide the clues you need to figure out what the hell is going on, as the game can get quite confusing. You have to find out the details of each flashback, which will lead to you going back through time in order to change what happened in that flashback, but doing so only causes new, different flashbacks. A good ol' time travel paradox, indeed. The plot is actually really cool, there are some great twists and the time travel element and the associated problems all make for great story material.
Time Hollow is fundamentally a point-and-click adventure game. Tap the objects on the screen for a short explanation of what they are, tap a certain icon to move to another place, an icon to leave wherever you are, etc. All information is obtained through tapping on things. Doing so will provide you with the clues to advance the story. Now, I'm not sure how, because the DS has been out for quite a while, but Konami managed to slightly mess up the control scheme; sometimes the touch screen is very inaccurate, causing you to click things you didn't want to. Not only that, but they didn't pay too much attention to detail, as you can tap anywhere around your bed in your room, for example, and it will still tell you the information for your bed. Also, for some reason they decided it would be good for us to have to tap everything twice for it to work. All that can be frustrating, but it gradually fades as the game goes on. The hollow pen allows you to create a portal to the past (which, ironically enough, you created) that will enable you to reach into the past and affect and change people, places, and things, which will in turn create a new present. This aspect of the game is mind-bendingly cool.
This game actually has cutscenes! Like full, real animated cutscenes, sometimes even with voice acting, which was surprisingly convincing. It's a welcome addition to what is otherwise a relatively repetitive game, as far as gameplay goes. The characters in the game are well-drawn and consistent, and they all play a big role throughout various parts of the game. The background music is ambient and mysterious, adding a nice layer to the game. Time Hollow is unfortunately short, coming in at six chapters and an epilogue. Each chapter is actually pretty short in itself, but it works because the chapters play out more like extended scenes in a movie, rather than specific sections of a game. The bottom line is, if you want a DS game with a story, play Time Hollow. If you like anything to do with time travel, play Time Hollow. The gameplay is nothing exceedingly new, it's kinda short, and Konami could've done a better job with the touch screen, but Time Hollow is a very welcome break from the flow of usual DS games, and it's very hard to put down.
6/7
10.02.2008
Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood
Alright, so everyone flipped out when Bioware announced that they were making not only a Sonic game, but a Sonic game for the DS. For good reason, too. Bioware has quite a back-catalog to live up to, with games like Knights of the Old Republic, Baldur's Gate, and Mass Effect breaking new ground in the RPG genre, there were high expectations for Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood. I couldn't have been more excited, I've always been a huge fan of Sonic games. The recent Sonic DS games, Rush and Rush Adventure, were actually pretty decent games, especially compared to the absolute garbage coming from the Sonic team for the Xbox. So is The Dark Brotherhood the Sonic version of Mario RPG? Well, not quite.
Wait a second. Comparing anything to Mario RPG is retarded, because that game is unbelievable. If you try to relate Sonic Chronicles to Mario RPG, it is going to come up short. But so would most of the other DS RPG games, so that's not saying much. Sonic Chronicles delivers in a variety of areas, but it also is lacking in a few.
I'll start with the graphics. The hand-painted backgrounds for each map are fantastic. They have a soft, warm feel to them, and they look great. The cut-scenes also look wonderful, they're often done in comic style, with people and events being shown in small boxes, but there is also video once in a while. While there is not enough video and too much boxy event sequencing, any video content is appreciated. A cool feature Bioware has implemented in Sonic Chronicles is that if you close the DS during a cut-scene, it'll start the cut-scene over once you open it. Quite convenient. The character builds are faithful to the classic Sonic games. They look exactly like they used to, just a little more polished. When battling the characters look the worst, and even that's not saying much because they still look pretty good.
Battle animation is surprisingly smooth and fluid. Characters and enemies have a full range of motion that makes battle more enjoyable and can seriously help you out, but I'll get to that later. One area of the animation I had a small issue with was when you're just walking around, it can get a little choppy. To walk around, you guide Sonic with the stylus, and when moving at full speed it's the choppiest. After a few minutes you stop noticing it, though. You learn to concentrate on where you're going, rather than where you currently are. However, even that presents problems once in a while, as in certain areas it's too easy to walk up to an object, a very tall rock, for example, that is up in the sky, but since it's relatively 2D, you might get stuck on it just trying to walk behind it. Again, it's easy to kinda learn not to do this with just a few minutes of gameplay, but it can be frustrating.
There are so many characters. The crazy thing is, I found myself actively using all but about two of them. That's right, every character is powerful and useful in some way. Depending on where you are and what enemies you're going up against, you have to plan your party strategically. This is because every character has different POW moves that affect different enemies in various ways. I'll talk more about POW moves when I get to the battling section. I'm not going to post a list of characters just incase anybody doesn't wanna know. Plus, it's not like it's hard to find. Just know that the character selection is abundant, satisfying, and reminiscent of multiple old Sonic games. Not only that, but Bioware did an amazing job with each character's personality. Throughout the entire game, each character's mannerisms, vocabulary, and attitude are completely consistent, which made the game more enjoyable on an overall level. There are three "classes" of playable characters: power, support and shifter. Power classes obviously just have attacks that hit hard. Support classes have moves that help your party, like Tails can use a move that heals people, or puts a shield around someone. Shifter classes are basically a mix of the previous two.
While on the subject of characters, I have to mention that Bioware has gone through lots of old Sonic games and created a coherent narrative for the game that includes backstories for all characters, places you can visit, items, and ancient relics and events. Any longtime fan of Sonic will most likely find the backstories extremely interesting, as they do a great job of connecting loose ends in the half-assed storylines of older games in the franchise. The overarching story in Sonic Chronicles is a little basic, but it plays out superbly and it really is an adventure. I don't wanna give away much, but it involves inter-dimensional travel, chaos emeralds, and a whole mess of alien races to fight/hang out with. I found the story to be enjoyable and I think it worked out really well. There were some twists, nothing particularly spectacular, but some cool and intense parts.
I guess now is as good a time as any to talk about the battle system. After reading a bunch of reviews for this game, I think the battle system is the most widely disliked aspect of the game. I have a hard time understanding this, because aside from a few issues, I think the battle system works nearly perfectly for this game, and I never really experienced it getting old or repetitive like many have pointed out. All members of your four-person party choose their moves at the beginning of each round. Each player has a specific amount of times they can attack per round based on their speed. Sonic, for example, attacks three times per round, whereas Big the Cat can only attack once per round. You can choose to do a normal attack, a POW attack, defend yourself, use an item, or flee. A POW attack is just a special attack that uses PP, but it's also where the Elite Beat Agents-style gameplay makes its debut. There are a few different types of touch-based strategies you have to do to complete a POW move: tap a target as the outer circle closes in on it (the classic Elite Beat Agent style), tap a circle eight times before the outer circle closes in on it, and slide a icon across a dotted line in time with the icon. It may sound confusing, but once you try it out it gets easy quickly. There's a huge variety of POW attacks per character, and it's fun to try them all out. Some do tons of damage too, and the support class POW moves can be infinitely helpful, such as Tails' 'scan' move, which basically just makes your attacks hit for a lot more. Enemies can also perform POW attacks, in which case you still have to do the Elite Beat Agent techniques, but in my opinion this is a very good thing. It allows you to actively utilize your defense; if you correctly tap everything, their attack will miss. Basically, if you get hit, you know it's your fault. Much better than just leaving it up to chance. I've yet to verify the fact that you can alter the outcome of your attacks or blocks by hitting the L or R buttons on the DS, but if you can't time attacks and blocks in this game then I must be crazy, cause I could swear it helped me out a lot through the entire game. If I'm right, you can cause your enemy to miss an attack by pressing said buttons the instant before they actually hit you, and you can make your attack count for more by hitting it the instant before your character's attack lands. There definitely are some frustrating scenarios that play out in battle, however. To take out enemies quickly, it's a good idea to use all your characters to attack one enemy at once. However, the risk in doing this is, because you all choose your moves at once at the beginning of each round, the enemy you're all attacking could pull an 'evade', in which case you will miss every attack, or the enemy will counter your attack, doing significant damage to you, and possibly even regaining some HP from the counter. So you can imagine how lame it is when you have an enemy practically dead, he pulls an evade, counters all four of your characters' attacks, and recovers 3/4 of his HP. Another equally frustrating and similar situation is when you're fighting a specific alien race, you could have them down to one HP and then they hit you once, even if it's only for like 20 HP, and somehow they recover all of their HP. It WILL make you want to whip your DS into oncoming traffic. However, it never lasts too long, as eventually the enemy will keep using POW attacks that you can block, giving you an opening to kill them. But I have to stress that this isn't a fault of the battle system; it's a strength that certain enemies have. A cool feature that the battle system has is the ability to undo your chosen actions if you haven't picked it for all four party characters yet; there are two back arrows on the bottom left of the screen, the first of which will erase all actions you've chosen thus far, the second of which will erase the action you chose for the most recent character. This comes in handy pretty often. One last note about battling: often times I found myself not wanting to waste my HP and health-recovering items, so I would avoid battling. This isn't a good idea, as the more you progress the harder the enemies will be. If you don't run from most battles, you'll find yourself powerful enough to advance rather easily.
I'm sure this will disappoint many, many people, but there is no voice acting. Good riddance, too, I say. A game does not need voice acting to be interesting or entertaining. In fact, I often find it more of a hindrance, because either you can't skip through what they're saying, or if you do, it sounds stupid and gets on my nerves. I like being able to read the text at my own leisure. But that's just me. The music in the game is simply not up to par. And it pains me to say that. I know Bioware isn't exactly known for amazing soundtracks, but Sonic kind of is, and they really should've put more effort into producing memorable tunes, because none of them are. This is the area where I find the game most disappointing. A good soundtrack would've enhanced this game ten-fold. Sound effects are, for the most part, equally disappointing. Lots of classic sonic sounds make an appearance, but they aren't worth more than a second or two of pleasant surprisedness.
Items and power-ups don't play as big a role in this game as in most RPGs. Well, items do, but power-ups don't. There is a decent amount of additional equipment to bolster your party throughout the game, but none make a huge difference in stats. In fact, I don't think the game would've suffered at all had the equipment not even been included. So it's more of a neutral thing than a bad thing.
Overall, I have to say Sonic Chronicles is almost as good as I had been hoping. The gameplay is 90% awesome, battling works pretty well, and I loved the story. The game is aesthetically pleasing, and the menus are very clean, simple, and efficient. The dialogue is a high point of the game, and it's quite often humorous, even poking fun at the Sonic archive a few times, which was really cool. It's also not too wordy, and it has just the right amount of dialogue. Chao are back, and they basically do what the animals in Castle Crashers do; they increase your stats, give you elemental powers, restore some PP or HP at the beginning of a round, and just generally help you in various ways. Rings count as currency, and there is a fair amount of them to help you buy whatever you may need. The story is handled maturely, and never really felt cheesy or contrived. The final battle was surprisingly easy, and maybe a little bit anti-climactic, but taking the rest of the game into account, I don't think it's a big deal. Also, Bioware wins for the coolest way to list credits. You don't have to sit through them! A true stroke of genius. I'll be eagerly awaiting the sequel (they're already working on it!).
5/7
Wait a second. Comparing anything to Mario RPG is retarded, because that game is unbelievable. If you try to relate Sonic Chronicles to Mario RPG, it is going to come up short. But so would most of the other DS RPG games, so that's not saying much. Sonic Chronicles delivers in a variety of areas, but it also is lacking in a few.
I'll start with the graphics. The hand-painted backgrounds for each map are fantastic. They have a soft, warm feel to them, and they look great. The cut-scenes also look wonderful, they're often done in comic style, with people and events being shown in small boxes, but there is also video once in a while. While there is not enough video and too much boxy event sequencing, any video content is appreciated. A cool feature Bioware has implemented in Sonic Chronicles is that if you close the DS during a cut-scene, it'll start the cut-scene over once you open it. Quite convenient. The character builds are faithful to the classic Sonic games. They look exactly like they used to, just a little more polished. When battling the characters look the worst, and even that's not saying much because they still look pretty good.
Battle animation is surprisingly smooth and fluid. Characters and enemies have a full range of motion that makes battle more enjoyable and can seriously help you out, but I'll get to that later. One area of the animation I had a small issue with was when you're just walking around, it can get a little choppy. To walk around, you guide Sonic with the stylus, and when moving at full speed it's the choppiest. After a few minutes you stop noticing it, though. You learn to concentrate on where you're going, rather than where you currently are. However, even that presents problems once in a while, as in certain areas it's too easy to walk up to an object, a very tall rock, for example, that is up in the sky, but since it's relatively 2D, you might get stuck on it just trying to walk behind it. Again, it's easy to kinda learn not to do this with just a few minutes of gameplay, but it can be frustrating.
There are so many characters. The crazy thing is, I found myself actively using all but about two of them. That's right, every character is powerful and useful in some way. Depending on where you are and what enemies you're going up against, you have to plan your party strategically. This is because every character has different POW moves that affect different enemies in various ways. I'll talk more about POW moves when I get to the battling section. I'm not going to post a list of characters just incase anybody doesn't wanna know. Plus, it's not like it's hard to find. Just know that the character selection is abundant, satisfying, and reminiscent of multiple old Sonic games. Not only that, but Bioware did an amazing job with each character's personality. Throughout the entire game, each character's mannerisms, vocabulary, and attitude are completely consistent, which made the game more enjoyable on an overall level. There are three "classes" of playable characters: power, support and shifter. Power classes obviously just have attacks that hit hard. Support classes have moves that help your party, like Tails can use a move that heals people, or puts a shield around someone. Shifter classes are basically a mix of the previous two.
While on the subject of characters, I have to mention that Bioware has gone through lots of old Sonic games and created a coherent narrative for the game that includes backstories for all characters, places you can visit, items, and ancient relics and events. Any longtime fan of Sonic will most likely find the backstories extremely interesting, as they do a great job of connecting loose ends in the half-assed storylines of older games in the franchise. The overarching story in Sonic Chronicles is a little basic, but it plays out superbly and it really is an adventure. I don't wanna give away much, but it involves inter-dimensional travel, chaos emeralds, and a whole mess of alien races to fight/hang out with. I found the story to be enjoyable and I think it worked out really well. There were some twists, nothing particularly spectacular, but some cool and intense parts.
I guess now is as good a time as any to talk about the battle system. After reading a bunch of reviews for this game, I think the battle system is the most widely disliked aspect of the game. I have a hard time understanding this, because aside from a few issues, I think the battle system works nearly perfectly for this game, and I never really experienced it getting old or repetitive like many have pointed out. All members of your four-person party choose their moves at the beginning of each round. Each player has a specific amount of times they can attack per round based on their speed. Sonic, for example, attacks three times per round, whereas Big the Cat can only attack once per round. You can choose to do a normal attack, a POW attack, defend yourself, use an item, or flee. A POW attack is just a special attack that uses PP, but it's also where the Elite Beat Agents-style gameplay makes its debut. There are a few different types of touch-based strategies you have to do to complete a POW move: tap a target as the outer circle closes in on it (the classic Elite Beat Agent style), tap a circle eight times before the outer circle closes in on it, and slide a icon across a dotted line in time with the icon. It may sound confusing, but once you try it out it gets easy quickly. There's a huge variety of POW attacks per character, and it's fun to try them all out. Some do tons of damage too, and the support class POW moves can be infinitely helpful, such as Tails' 'scan' move, which basically just makes your attacks hit for a lot more. Enemies can also perform POW attacks, in which case you still have to do the Elite Beat Agent techniques, but in my opinion this is a very good thing. It allows you to actively utilize your defense; if you correctly tap everything, their attack will miss. Basically, if you get hit, you know it's your fault. Much better than just leaving it up to chance. I've yet to verify the fact that you can alter the outcome of your attacks or blocks by hitting the L or R buttons on the DS, but if you can't time attacks and blocks in this game then I must be crazy, cause I could swear it helped me out a lot through the entire game. If I'm right, you can cause your enemy to miss an attack by pressing said buttons the instant before they actually hit you, and you can make your attack count for more by hitting it the instant before your character's attack lands. There definitely are some frustrating scenarios that play out in battle, however. To take out enemies quickly, it's a good idea to use all your characters to attack one enemy at once. However, the risk in doing this is, because you all choose your moves at once at the beginning of each round, the enemy you're all attacking could pull an 'evade', in which case you will miss every attack, or the enemy will counter your attack, doing significant damage to you, and possibly even regaining some HP from the counter. So you can imagine how lame it is when you have an enemy practically dead, he pulls an evade, counters all four of your characters' attacks, and recovers 3/4 of his HP. Another equally frustrating and similar situation is when you're fighting a specific alien race, you could have them down to one HP and then they hit you once, even if it's only for like 20 HP, and somehow they recover all of their HP. It WILL make you want to whip your DS into oncoming traffic. However, it never lasts too long, as eventually the enemy will keep using POW attacks that you can block, giving you an opening to kill them. But I have to stress that this isn't a fault of the battle system; it's a strength that certain enemies have. A cool feature that the battle system has is the ability to undo your chosen actions if you haven't picked it for all four party characters yet; there are two back arrows on the bottom left of the screen, the first of which will erase all actions you've chosen thus far, the second of which will erase the action you chose for the most recent character. This comes in handy pretty often. One last note about battling: often times I found myself not wanting to waste my HP and health-recovering items, so I would avoid battling. This isn't a good idea, as the more you progress the harder the enemies will be. If you don't run from most battles, you'll find yourself powerful enough to advance rather easily.
I'm sure this will disappoint many, many people, but there is no voice acting. Good riddance, too, I say. A game does not need voice acting to be interesting or entertaining. In fact, I often find it more of a hindrance, because either you can't skip through what they're saying, or if you do, it sounds stupid and gets on my nerves. I like being able to read the text at my own leisure. But that's just me. The music in the game is simply not up to par. And it pains me to say that. I know Bioware isn't exactly known for amazing soundtracks, but Sonic kind of is, and they really should've put more effort into producing memorable tunes, because none of them are. This is the area where I find the game most disappointing. A good soundtrack would've enhanced this game ten-fold. Sound effects are, for the most part, equally disappointing. Lots of classic sonic sounds make an appearance, but they aren't worth more than a second or two of pleasant surprisedness.
Items and power-ups don't play as big a role in this game as in most RPGs. Well, items do, but power-ups don't. There is a decent amount of additional equipment to bolster your party throughout the game, but none make a huge difference in stats. In fact, I don't think the game would've suffered at all had the equipment not even been included. So it's more of a neutral thing than a bad thing.
Overall, I have to say Sonic Chronicles is almost as good as I had been hoping. The gameplay is 90% awesome, battling works pretty well, and I loved the story. The game is aesthetically pleasing, and the menus are very clean, simple, and efficient. The dialogue is a high point of the game, and it's quite often humorous, even poking fun at the Sonic archive a few times, which was really cool. It's also not too wordy, and it has just the right amount of dialogue. Chao are back, and they basically do what the animals in Castle Crashers do; they increase your stats, give you elemental powers, restore some PP or HP at the beginning of a round, and just generally help you in various ways. Rings count as currency, and there is a fair amount of them to help you buy whatever you may need. The story is handled maturely, and never really felt cheesy or contrived. The final battle was surprisingly easy, and maybe a little bit anti-climactic, but taking the rest of the game into account, I don't think it's a big deal. Also, Bioware wins for the coolest way to list credits. You don't have to sit through them! A true stroke of genius. I'll be eagerly awaiting the sequel (they're already working on it!).
5/7
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