Beans, in my opinion, are indeed a magical fruit. And normally, nobody is as fruity as the Bush Brothers and Co. bean company, or as you'd more likely know it, Bush's Beans. You know, the guy with the Golden Retriever in the commercials? Duke? That dog's crazy, always trying to sell the heavily-guarded family recipe. It seems that I can't blame him in this instance, though; Bush's Grillin' beans are certainly nothing to write home about.
Bush's beans have accompanied many a-party throughout my lifetime, whether it's a birthday, cook-out, graduation, holiday, etc. Bush's beans are usually fantastic. That's why it's disappointing that an idea like Grillin' beans, combining two of the most amazing concepts in American history, grilling and beans, fails to impress. Just thinking about the flavors they could've pioneered is enough to make me dump this bowl in the trash.
First of all, they taste too brown. There's a severely overriding flavor of molasses, which is kind of bitter and very strong. It drowns out most of the other flavors, which is quite counter-productive in a can o' beans. Secondly, when I was successful in fighting off the molasses flavor in an attempt to grasp some of the other more subtle nuances, what I found was strangely familiar: it tasted much like any other can of Bush's beans, which I guess shouldn't be too surprising. But it is certainly disappointing. The only discernible flavor I could make out was a very weak hint of barbecue. I can't imagine these beans doing a better job of complimenting anything grilled than any other type of Bush's beans. In fact, I probably wouldn't want to eat these even on their own, and maybe accompanying them with some food would make them a bit better. They're far too rich and dark on their own. In fact, maybe dark is a good way to put it. A good analogy for it, I think, is beer. Imagine Bush's baked beans as your choice of light beer, like a Heineken or something, where Bush's Baked beans are to Heineken as their Grillin' beans are to Guinness, or something equally dark and rich. If you're cool with that, by all means, grab some Grillin' beans. As far as the "Steakhouse" label, I can't taste any connection to anything having to do with steak.
In essence, Bush's Grillin' beans are too much, and not enough at the same time. They're distinctly more masculine, and the only demographics I could see eating this more than once are cowboys and Golden Retrievers. These beans are definitely not what I expected, and I don't think Grillin' was the right choice of word under which to market these.
3/7
8.24.2008
Triscuit Thin Crisps - Parmesan Garlic
Normally, I wouldn't go out of my way to review a specific type of cracker (although judging by this type, maybe I should), but I was basically shocked into reviewing Triscuit's new Thin Crisps of the Parmesan Garlic variety. If you're wondering how it's possible to be shocked by a cracker, you're probably no fun, so I'll explain.
I like Parmesan cheese. A lot. Naturally, Parmesan-flavored items capture my interest. Unnaturally, I am almost always let down by the fakeness of said Parmesan flavor. I have very seldom recollections of being impressed by a Parmesan-flavored food, and the only one that really comes to mind is Buffalo Wild Wings' "Parmesan Garlic" sauce.
Heavenly sauces aside, like I said, most people fail when it comes to imbuing something with that fantastic Parmesan cheesiness. This pattern of failure leads right up to the moment in which I first bit into a Parmesan Garlic Thin Crisp, effectively shocking me into reviewing it, because my mouth couldn't believe what it beheld. I can honestly say this is the first snack to ACCURATELY capture the flavor of Parmesan cheese, as well as a hint of garlic. Not only that, but the two flavors accent the natural Triscuit-wheat flavor so perfectly that it's almost hard to comprehend.
These things taste so fresh that it actually makes me want to eat a salad, and there's nothing I hate more on this Earth than lettuce. They're super addicting, which, for once, isn't a bad thing; they "may help reduce the risk of heart disease," and even if they don't, they're certainly not unhealthy, being composed of whole grain wheat. Do yourself a favor and crack open a box and see where it takes you.
7/7
I like Parmesan cheese. A lot. Naturally, Parmesan-flavored items capture my interest. Unnaturally, I am almost always let down by the fakeness of said Parmesan flavor. I have very seldom recollections of being impressed by a Parmesan-flavored food, and the only one that really comes to mind is Buffalo Wild Wings' "Parmesan Garlic" sauce.
Heavenly sauces aside, like I said, most people fail when it comes to imbuing something with that fantastic Parmesan cheesiness. This pattern of failure leads right up to the moment in which I first bit into a Parmesan Garlic Thin Crisp, effectively shocking me into reviewing it, because my mouth couldn't believe what it beheld. I can honestly say this is the first snack to ACCURATELY capture the flavor of Parmesan cheese, as well as a hint of garlic. Not only that, but the two flavors accent the natural Triscuit-wheat flavor so perfectly that it's almost hard to comprehend.
These things taste so fresh that it actually makes me want to eat a salad, and there's nothing I hate more on this Earth than lettuce. They're super addicting, which, for once, isn't a bad thing; they "may help reduce the risk of heart disease," and even if they don't, they're certainly not unhealthy, being composed of whole grain wheat. Do yourself a favor and crack open a box and see where it takes you.
7/7
8.19.2008
Shwayze
Cisco Adler... I knew that name rang a bell when I set out to review the Shwayze cd, aptly entitled "Shwayze." Apparently he was in a band called Whitestarr, but I know him from his infamous nude photo that's been floating around the internet for over a year now. I can't believe that guy makes music. Anyway, Shwayze came out today, and it's pretty much everything you would expect from a guy who hangs out with Paris Hilton, Mischa Barton, and other useless Hollywoodians.
Shwayze is a duo consisting of Cisco Adler and Shwayze himself. Their music sounds like a dumbed-down Jack Johnson ventured into hip-hop, and gave up all his money to live on a beach and harass girls walking by. The beats are typically lazy, uninspired, and consist of like... three acoustic guitar chords played behind a mind-numbingly normal hip-hop beat. It's mostly all mellow stuff, the kind of music you'd undoubtedly hear at a beach party in New Jersey. Cisco Adler tends to sing the choruses, while Shwayze lays down the rhymes in the verses. The choruses in these songs (again, almost all sung by Cisco Adler) are indescribably and unbelievably consistent: lyrically, musically, and idealistically STUPID. They sound terrible, the lyrics are terrible, and the music is seemingly completely devoid of thought. Not only that, but half the time Shwayze comes with lame ass rhymes that sound juvenile and don't flow well. Most of the songs sound the same, too.
For a good example of the pace, style, and feel of the album, just listen to the song "Corona and Lime." The rhymes are awful: "Girls in the hills go day-trippin, to get their nails done, and hair straightened," "Girls from Detroit like electro, and dance all night 'til they break their neck, yo." Then there's the chorus: "Baby will you by my Corona and Lime, and I will be your main squeeze. And if your brother don't like my stye, we can take it to the street, we can take it to the street." Let's look at that a little closer. First of all, how classy do you have to be to ask a girl if she'll be your Corona and Lime? Second, I can't think of a better way to get a girl to like you than fighting her brother in the street cause he doesn't like your style. The only thing I had to look forward to on this album was the song featuring Dave Navarro, who I've never been much of a fan of in the first place, so that's not saying much. The song with him in it is totally disappointing, not only cause it's Shwayze, but Navarro's guitar is cliché rap guitar, and the choruses are too loud and distorted and obnoxious.
In short, Shwayze is another pathetic, MTV-manufactured artist, most likely around only to make money, especially when you consider the fact that Shwayze and Cisco are getting their own reality show on MTV about making this album. I'm considering taking a bat to my TV just to avoid it. Shwayze isn't particularly good at rapping, and Adler should definitely stick to being a testicle model. The music is misogynistic and trashy, which means the females will probably take a particular liking to Shwayze, and you'll probably see the clubs becoming more populated with stoned bros and surfer guys once this becomes more widespread. Sounds like a bright future, indeed.
2/7
Shwayze is a duo consisting of Cisco Adler and Shwayze himself. Their music sounds like a dumbed-down Jack Johnson ventured into hip-hop, and gave up all his money to live on a beach and harass girls walking by. The beats are typically lazy, uninspired, and consist of like... three acoustic guitar chords played behind a mind-numbingly normal hip-hop beat. It's mostly all mellow stuff, the kind of music you'd undoubtedly hear at a beach party in New Jersey. Cisco Adler tends to sing the choruses, while Shwayze lays down the rhymes in the verses. The choruses in these songs (again, almost all sung by Cisco Adler) are indescribably and unbelievably consistent: lyrically, musically, and idealistically STUPID. They sound terrible, the lyrics are terrible, and the music is seemingly completely devoid of thought. Not only that, but half the time Shwayze comes with lame ass rhymes that sound juvenile and don't flow well. Most of the songs sound the same, too.
For a good example of the pace, style, and feel of the album, just listen to the song "Corona and Lime." The rhymes are awful: "Girls in the hills go day-trippin, to get their nails done, and hair straightened," "Girls from Detroit like electro, and dance all night 'til they break their neck, yo." Then there's the chorus: "Baby will you by my Corona and Lime, and I will be your main squeeze. And if your brother don't like my stye, we can take it to the street, we can take it to the street." Let's look at that a little closer. First of all, how classy do you have to be to ask a girl if she'll be your Corona and Lime? Second, I can't think of a better way to get a girl to like you than fighting her brother in the street cause he doesn't like your style. The only thing I had to look forward to on this album was the song featuring Dave Navarro, who I've never been much of a fan of in the first place, so that's not saying much. The song with him in it is totally disappointing, not only cause it's Shwayze, but Navarro's guitar is cliché rap guitar, and the choruses are too loud and distorted and obnoxious.
In short, Shwayze is another pathetic, MTV-manufactured artist, most likely around only to make money, especially when you consider the fact that Shwayze and Cisco are getting their own reality show on MTV about making this album. I'm considering taking a bat to my TV just to avoid it. Shwayze isn't particularly good at rapping, and Adler should definitely stick to being a testicle model. The music is misogynistic and trashy, which means the females will probably take a particular liking to Shwayze, and you'll probably see the clubs becoming more populated with stoned bros and surfer guys once this becomes more widespread. Sounds like a bright future, indeed.
2/7
8.16.2008
Disturbia
Here's a fantastic little review by my fantastic little cousin, Stephanie:
Disturbia is an action-packed movie about a teenager named Kale (Shia
Lebouf ) that gets put under house arrest because of popping his teacher
in the face after a remark about his father. In the movie Kale discovers a
teenager next door that moved in named Ashley that he ends up falling in
love with. With the help of his friend Ronnie and his neighbor Ashley the
three find out that Kale's other neighbor Turner is a murderer of young
women by spying while Kale was under house arrest. By lots of work and
help they end up killing Turner with a hedge trimers and catching him.
Disturbia is an action-packed movie about a teenager named Kale (Shia
Lebouf ) that gets put under house arrest because of popping his teacher
in the face after a remark about his father. In the movie Kale discovers a
teenager next door that moved in named Ashley that he ends up falling in
love with. With the help of his friend Ronnie and his neighbor Ashley the
three find out that Kale's other neighbor Turner is a murderer of young
women by spying while Kale was under house arrest. By lots of work and
help they end up killing Turner with a hedge trimers and catching him.
Miro
Ever wanted to watch TV... on your computer? Well, not exactly TV, but possibly a superior (in some ways, at the very least) alternative to it. Meet Miro, soon to be your new best friend.
Miro is what is known as a "podcatcher," meaning that it works as a sort of RSS feed for videos. Said videos can be downloaded from what Miro calls "channels," which are created by people, artists, companies, TV channels, etc. These channels contain the videos that they, whoever they is, upload for your viewing pleasure. Miro allows you to subscribe to these channels, allowing you to browse through tons of videos with ease. Once a channel is added, a user can choose to have all of the videos from the channel auto-download, only new videos (new videos being ones that are added after subscribing) auto-download, or turn auto-downloading off, allowing you to pick and choose which to get. With almost 5,000 channels to choose from, the possibilities are nearly endless already, and as this is an up-and-coming app, I can only imagine that number will only increase.
Hell, just browsing through the channels in itself is fun. There is an enormous variety of channels likely to satiate any user, ranging from National Geographic to TED Talks, HBO stand-up comedy to Comedy Central stand-up comedy, weekly Digg videos to The Onion; there's even a High Times channel, if you're into that. Today's featured channels are "Citizen Engineer," (an online video series about open source hardware, electronics, art and hacking), a series about astronauts' last return to the Hubble telescope, and Ronald Jenkees' LINK own channel, to name a few. There are also educational channels, like Photography 101 and Web Design, for instance. So variety is a non-issue.
After downloading and watching a video, it will "expire" after a certain amount of days (which you can set manually), unless you choose to keep 'em, in which case the "Keep" button will do you right. Miro plays a huge variety of video filetypes, so don't be scared to use it as a media player, as well. It's simple to upload your media collection, as it prompts you when you install it, and you can also choose folders to watch. Miro has a robust search engine built into it, allowing you to search Miro channels, Youtube, Veoh, Google Video, and a few others that are a bit more obscure, but I'm sure will make a good amount of people happy.
The interface is about as simple as it gets, listing your subscribed channels on the left side, as well as the Miro guide, video search, library, new videos, and downloading videos. Speaking of downloading videos, it works a lot like BitTorrent; you can set the amount of downloading videos at once, pause them, etc. You can also use Miro as a torrent client, as well. So all in all, Miro pretty much does everything. Might even cook ya some breakfast, if you're nice to it. And since it spans Windows, Mac, and Linux, nobody gets left out of the party! Do yourself a favor and download this free application at once. You'll find yourself considerably less bored.
7/7
Miro is what is known as a "podcatcher," meaning that it works as a sort of RSS feed for videos. Said videos can be downloaded from what Miro calls "channels," which are created by people, artists, companies, TV channels, etc. These channels contain the videos that they, whoever they is, upload for your viewing pleasure. Miro allows you to subscribe to these channels, allowing you to browse through tons of videos with ease. Once a channel is added, a user can choose to have all of the videos from the channel auto-download, only new videos (new videos being ones that are added after subscribing) auto-download, or turn auto-downloading off, allowing you to pick and choose which to get. With almost 5,000 channels to choose from, the possibilities are nearly endless already, and as this is an up-and-coming app, I can only imagine that number will only increase.
Hell, just browsing through the channels in itself is fun. There is an enormous variety of channels likely to satiate any user, ranging from National Geographic to TED Talks, HBO stand-up comedy to Comedy Central stand-up comedy, weekly Digg videos to The Onion; there's even a High Times channel, if you're into that. Today's featured channels are "Citizen Engineer," (an online video series about open source hardware, electronics, art and hacking), a series about astronauts' last return to the Hubble telescope, and Ronald Jenkees' LINK own channel, to name a few. There are also educational channels, like Photography 101 and Web Design, for instance. So variety is a non-issue.
After downloading and watching a video, it will "expire" after a certain amount of days (which you can set manually), unless you choose to keep 'em, in which case the "Keep" button will do you right. Miro plays a huge variety of video filetypes, so don't be scared to use it as a media player, as well. It's simple to upload your media collection, as it prompts you when you install it, and you can also choose folders to watch. Miro has a robust search engine built into it, allowing you to search Miro channels, Youtube, Veoh, Google Video, and a few others that are a bit more obscure, but I'm sure will make a good amount of people happy.
The interface is about as simple as it gets, listing your subscribed channels on the left side, as well as the Miro guide, video search, library, new videos, and downloading videos. Speaking of downloading videos, it works a lot like BitTorrent; you can set the amount of downloading videos at once, pause them, etc. You can also use Miro as a torrent client, as well. So all in all, Miro pretty much does everything. Might even cook ya some breakfast, if you're nice to it. And since it spans Windows, Mac, and Linux, nobody gets left out of the party! Do yourself a favor and download this free application at once. You'll find yourself considerably less bored.
7/7
We Play Stuff
In the process of watching my dear Tim and Eric on Adult Swim's website, I'd visually acquired a trailer for an Adult Swim original game, Gigolo Assassin. I figured it could be a pretty funny concept: a man in a banana hammock, slicin' throats left and right? So masculine.
How wrong I was.
The banana hammock was present, but that's about it. Fun was nowhere to be found and humor must've been on vacation, because this game is second rate all the way. It starts out with a group of inept looking leaders wondering what to do about a certain 'Sisterhood' mounting attacks and gaining control over various areas of the globe. Obviously, there's only one person who could take on something so terrible as The Sisterhood: Gigolo Assassin! After being hired by the aforementioned leaders, you find yourself at home with your dear old pops, Gigolo Assassin Sr. He gives you a very... thorough... tutorial on how to use the interface, which they somehow managed to make simple but awful. It's a typical point-and-click game, but of the click-here-walk-here variety. There are four buttons on the bottom that you have to use: Pick Up, Talk To, Look At, and Use. Get used to these, because they basically are the game. Normally it wouldn't be too bad, but they overlooked some simple controls that could've been easily implemented to make things easier, like instead of clicking Use, then clicking an item, then clicking what you want to use the item on, they could've set it up so you can just drag items onto objects, saving, like, eight steps.
Another issue that I have with the interface lies in talking to people. At certain points, the game is very dialogue driven, allowing you multiple options to choose from, which then stem into other succeeding options, and sometimes even further. Okay, not a big deal, I like dialogue. It gets frustrating though, when you need to find one of those specific paths to advance the story, due to the fact that if you pick the wrong option, you start back at the beginning of the dialogue, having to work your way alllll the way back to one of many tiers of speech. Speaking of speech, I came across multiple typos, which surprised me, due to Adult Swim's usual awesomeness. I assumed a certain level of quality, and it didn't meet it.
Often times items you need to find are very obscure and hidden, leaving you struggling to progress, while you tactlessly scan the screen with the mouse, descending more and more into the territory of annoyance and frustration. But then again, sometimes they're really easy to find.
The music in the game is nothing more than background music. Not that it needs to be, but it's nice when developers go above and beyond what's expected of them musically. I'm not saying it needs to be Super Mario Galaxy or anything like that, but something better than a few minute long loops would've been nice.
My main problem with the game is that it's LONG. SO long. I spent half of the day off and on playing this game, half due to frustration, half due to length. And I only got through the first of three missions. This game is long enough to where I wish there was a save point, or a checkpoint, or something. At least go old school, NES-like, gimme a password once I hit a certain point.
So like I said, it's very disappointing for an Adult Swim production. Maybe I just hold them to too high of a standard 'cause of their broadcasted awesomeness, but I really think they could've done a lot better. There were a few moments where I chuckled a bit, particularly at the very end of the first mission, I don't wanna spoil it but it was laughtastic. For a few seconds. So while I probably won't be returning to finish the second, let alone, third mission, I don't wanna dissuade anyone from playing this game, 'cause you may get something out of it that was lost on me. But I wasn't feelin' it much.
2/5
How wrong I was.
The banana hammock was present, but that's about it. Fun was nowhere to be found and humor must've been on vacation, because this game is second rate all the way. It starts out with a group of inept looking leaders wondering what to do about a certain 'Sisterhood' mounting attacks and gaining control over various areas of the globe. Obviously, there's only one person who could take on something so terrible as The Sisterhood: Gigolo Assassin! After being hired by the aforementioned leaders, you find yourself at home with your dear old pops, Gigolo Assassin Sr. He gives you a very... thorough... tutorial on how to use the interface, which they somehow managed to make simple but awful. It's a typical point-and-click game, but of the click-here-walk-here variety. There are four buttons on the bottom that you have to use: Pick Up, Talk To, Look At, and Use. Get used to these, because they basically are the game. Normally it wouldn't be too bad, but they overlooked some simple controls that could've been easily implemented to make things easier, like instead of clicking Use, then clicking an item, then clicking what you want to use the item on, they could've set it up so you can just drag items onto objects, saving, like, eight steps.
Another issue that I have with the interface lies in talking to people. At certain points, the game is very dialogue driven, allowing you multiple options to choose from, which then stem into other succeeding options, and sometimes even further. Okay, not a big deal, I like dialogue. It gets frustrating though, when you need to find one of those specific paths to advance the story, due to the fact that if you pick the wrong option, you start back at the beginning of the dialogue, having to work your way alllll the way back to one of many tiers of speech. Speaking of speech, I came across multiple typos, which surprised me, due to Adult Swim's usual awesomeness. I assumed a certain level of quality, and it didn't meet it.
Often times items you need to find are very obscure and hidden, leaving you struggling to progress, while you tactlessly scan the screen with the mouse, descending more and more into the territory of annoyance and frustration. But then again, sometimes they're really easy to find.
The music in the game is nothing more than background music. Not that it needs to be, but it's nice when developers go above and beyond what's expected of them musically. I'm not saying it needs to be Super Mario Galaxy or anything like that, but something better than a few minute long loops would've been nice.
My main problem with the game is that it's LONG. SO long. I spent half of the day off and on playing this game, half due to frustration, half due to length. And I only got through the first of three missions. This game is long enough to where I wish there was a save point, or a checkpoint, or something. At least go old school, NES-like, gimme a password once I hit a certain point.
So like I said, it's very disappointing for an Adult Swim production. Maybe I just hold them to too high of a standard 'cause of their broadcasted awesomeness, but I really think they could've done a lot better. There were a few moments where I chuckled a bit, particularly at the very end of the first mission, I don't wanna spoil it but it was laughtastic. For a few seconds. So while I probably won't be returning to finish the second, let alone, third mission, I don't wanna dissuade anyone from playing this game, 'cause you may get something out of it that was lost on me. But I wasn't feelin' it much.
2/5
8.14.2008
A Chinese Restaurant - My Dearest I Cannot Speak
Let me just start by saying that as far as minority food groups go, Chinese is probably my favorite. So it may have been my stomach that induced me to check out A Chinese Restaurant's album, 'My Dearest I Cannot Speak' (it certainly wasn't the album title...), but if so, thank you stomach, I can temporarily forgive you for being a slight bit too... 3D.
A Chinese Restaurant is made up of three guys from Germany that like to rock out, and occasionally scream. Normally, I don't dig screaming too much. It's acceptable once in a while, but only if the person has a good voice for it, and it's not used in excess, which pretty much describes the vocalist of ACR's penchant for using it. This is the first thing that caught my attention, because the fact that they're screaming indicates that the music will likely be of a certain genre, one that I've long watched from afar, but have never been able to really sink my teeth into. So the fact that ACR is in a way opening up the door to "hardcore" music for me, if only a little bit wider, makes me happy.
One of the first things I thought when I listened to them was how much of a shame it is these guys weren't around about five years ago when this genre was sorta finding its footing, because I really think they would've torn shit up. A cool thing about this debut cd is the fact that you get a sense of naiveté, a certain type of musical innocence from these guys that really is charming, or at least as charming as screaming can be. It's a quality that has found many bands writing their best, most inspired music; Brand New's 'Your Favorite Weapon' comes to mind.
Upon first listen, I thought the first few songs sounded too alike, but as I moved toward the end of the album, the songs really started to vary. After my second listen, that notion faded completely. The songs take a few listens to appreciate the subtle differences as well as the larger ones, but the subtle things that ACR does are one of the biggest reasons I keep coming back and listening to this album, whether it's the slightly different way the guitarist voices the chords than expected, the drummer's penchant for mixing up beats when they seem like they should be more consistent, unexpected rhythmic change-ups, it just keeps me coming back for more. It's impressive that there's only three people in the band, because the music sounds really full and each instrument seems to make good use of its place instead of staying in the background. The fact that the guitarist's distortion sounds like Ben Kenney's on The Division Group's 'Apples and Oranges' EP certainly doesn't hurt, either.
Though I made a lot of mention about screaming, it's important to note that not every song has it. The band balances a good mix of hardcore, screamo, and pop-punk that will likely satisfy multiple demographics with ease. They even have an electronica song in the form of 'Broken Hearts and Picture Frames (thankfully not as lame as its title would suggest), which is probably my favorite on the album, though it's hard to pick just one. The singer's voice at times recalls Bert McCracken's, and a few times sounds a bit whiny, but I'm personally attributing this to his Germanity. Not a word? Whatev.
While, for me, this is an almost perfect album, there are a few things that detract from the quality. First, in some songs, the vocals aren't mixed loud enough. Doesn't make the songs any worse, though. Secondly, some of the lyrics aren't exactly noteworthy, like when he screams "I'm So Sorry!" at the beginning of 'Sorries (The City Sleeps Nightly). Although, I don't know what I was expecting after their myspace informed me that the lyrics are about "Life, love, hate, and friendship." Classic young people material. That's about it as far as negative aspects go. The most important thing to say is that this band is making me excited about music again, in the way that you just can't wait to show everybody you know their music. Overall, this is a band with a ton of potential. It's slightly disappointing that their debut album is only 8 songs, and some of them end a bit abruptly, but the potential still shines through. I'm eagerly awaiting the next release, though I'll probably be waiting quite some time.
6/7
A Chinese Restaurant is made up of three guys from Germany that like to rock out, and occasionally scream. Normally, I don't dig screaming too much. It's acceptable once in a while, but only if the person has a good voice for it, and it's not used in excess, which pretty much describes the vocalist of ACR's penchant for using it. This is the first thing that caught my attention, because the fact that they're screaming indicates that the music will likely be of a certain genre, one that I've long watched from afar, but have never been able to really sink my teeth into. So the fact that ACR is in a way opening up the door to "hardcore" music for me, if only a little bit wider, makes me happy.
One of the first things I thought when I listened to them was how much of a shame it is these guys weren't around about five years ago when this genre was sorta finding its footing, because I really think they would've torn shit up. A cool thing about this debut cd is the fact that you get a sense of naiveté, a certain type of musical innocence from these guys that really is charming, or at least as charming as screaming can be. It's a quality that has found many bands writing their best, most inspired music; Brand New's 'Your Favorite Weapon' comes to mind.
Upon first listen, I thought the first few songs sounded too alike, but as I moved toward the end of the album, the songs really started to vary. After my second listen, that notion faded completely. The songs take a few listens to appreciate the subtle differences as well as the larger ones, but the subtle things that ACR does are one of the biggest reasons I keep coming back and listening to this album, whether it's the slightly different way the guitarist voices the chords than expected, the drummer's penchant for mixing up beats when they seem like they should be more consistent, unexpected rhythmic change-ups, it just keeps me coming back for more. It's impressive that there's only three people in the band, because the music sounds really full and each instrument seems to make good use of its place instead of staying in the background. The fact that the guitarist's distortion sounds like Ben Kenney's on The Division Group's 'Apples and Oranges' EP certainly doesn't hurt, either.
Though I made a lot of mention about screaming, it's important to note that not every song has it. The band balances a good mix of hardcore, screamo, and pop-punk that will likely satisfy multiple demographics with ease. They even have an electronica song in the form of 'Broken Hearts and Picture Frames (thankfully not as lame as its title would suggest), which is probably my favorite on the album, though it's hard to pick just one. The singer's voice at times recalls Bert McCracken's, and a few times sounds a bit whiny, but I'm personally attributing this to his Germanity. Not a word? Whatev.
While, for me, this is an almost perfect album, there are a few things that detract from the quality. First, in some songs, the vocals aren't mixed loud enough. Doesn't make the songs any worse, though. Secondly, some of the lyrics aren't exactly noteworthy, like when he screams "I'm So Sorry!" at the beginning of 'Sorries (The City Sleeps Nightly). Although, I don't know what I was expecting after their myspace informed me that the lyrics are about "Life, love, hate, and friendship." Classic young people material. That's about it as far as negative aspects go. The most important thing to say is that this band is making me excited about music again, in the way that you just can't wait to show everybody you know their music. Overall, this is a band with a ton of potential. It's slightly disappointing that their debut album is only 8 songs, and some of them end a bit abruptly, but the potential still shines through. I'm eagerly awaiting the next release, though I'll probably be waiting quite some time.
6/7
8.12.2008
Exploding Dog
Folks, let me tell ya 'bout Exploding Dog. It was created by a guy named Sam Brown (alias) who love to draw, or at least I'm guessing, because he's pretty awesome at it. The way the site works is people send him emails with phrases, and he draws a picture to accompany said phrases. These phrases can consist of anything, however random, but the best ones are usually the vague phrases, because there are so many ways it could be taken. And that's where most of the magic of Exploding Dog kicks in. Usually the way Sam Brown interprets phrases, even the ones where it's obvious what the phrase means, is what makes the pictures funny and interesting, though the hilarious stick figures don't hurt. Speaking of stick figures, those are his main characters, so to speak. Other common characters include giant green monsters, robots, and little funny-looking aliens. Even the pictures that aren't supposed to be funny have succeeded in making me laugh, just from the stick figures' faces usually.
Sam Brown's style can only be described as "silly." Even though I'm sure he puts a ton of effort into drawing these pictures, you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at a lot of them. He doesn't try to make his pictures look polished or anything like that; they look kinda rough, but that only adds to Sam's style. This isn't to say that Sam can't draw well when he wants to. Some of the backgrounds and scenes in the pictures he draws are masterfully conceived and beautiful. Another great aspect of Exploding Dog is the colors in the pictures, as they're often intense and/or have some sort of meaning.
I've spent countless hours just browsing Exploding Dog. It's really one of the best corners of the web to check out if you have nothing to do or are bored of the internet, which is often my situation. With Sam's repertoire stretching back to the year 2000, there's almost a decade of material to browse through, and it's fascinating to see where he started and the different media and phases he's gone through. Basically, if you want a good chuckle, check out Exploding Dog.
6/7
Sam Brown's style can only be described as "silly." Even though I'm sure he puts a ton of effort into drawing these pictures, you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at a lot of them. He doesn't try to make his pictures look polished or anything like that; they look kinda rough, but that only adds to Sam's style. This isn't to say that Sam can't draw well when he wants to. Some of the backgrounds and scenes in the pictures he draws are masterfully conceived and beautiful. Another great aspect of Exploding Dog is the colors in the pictures, as they're often intense and/or have some sort of meaning.
I've spent countless hours just browsing Exploding Dog. It's really one of the best corners of the web to check out if you have nothing to do or are bored of the internet, which is often my situation. With Sam's repertoire stretching back to the year 2000, there's almost a decade of material to browse through, and it's fascinating to see where he started and the different media and phases he's gone through. Basically, if you want a good chuckle, check out Exploding Dog.
6/7
8.11.2008
Journey to the Center of the Earth
Have you ever wondered if a Tyrannosaurus rex skull would float on boiling water? How about whether or not technological equipment will work after being underwater for a few minutes? Have you ever been in the middle of escaping perilous situations in 115°F heat and found that two of you aren't sweating, but one of you is profusely? Well, Journey to the Center of the Earth tells us that the answer to all of those inquiries is a resounding yes. Good thing too; that T. rex skull isn't gonna ride itself.
It was a bit strange to see Brendan Fraser in two movies around released around the same time after he hadn't been in anything in recent memory, but it was kind of a nice surprise. I know most people think he's a cheesy faux-action hero, but when he does movies like these, I think he sees himself as that, too, which makes it bearable. Besides, if you're gonna go see a movie where the main character's dialogue mostly consists of one-liners in response to set-up questions yelled at the top of his lungs due to the extreme direness of every situation they're in, it might as well be a Brendan Fraser movie. At least he's good at yelling. And those one-liners are almost excusable coming from him.
Anyway, Journey to the Center of the Earth revolves around Trevor Anderson (Fraser), a down-on-his-luck university volcanologist still grieving the death of his brother Max, ten years prior. He goes in to work one day to get down to business only to find his boss ready to shut down his brother's lab. On top of that, he gets home only to realize that his nephew, Sean (Josh Hutcherson), is coming to visit, and Trevor's house is a mess. After finding some notes in a Jules Verne book of Max's (guess which one...), Trevor is compelled to travel to Iceland and find a man named Asgeirsson, another volcanologist, which is the catalyst for the resulting adventure. I don't wanna spill all the beans here, keep a few beans to myself just in case readers (HA! Like we have any) don't want no spoilers.
There are a lot of negative things I could list about this movie... so I guess I will. First of all, it felt very rushed. Normally for a movie of this adventurous magnitude to be rushed wouldn't be that big of a deal, but that's only because most movies like that tend to be long enough already. This movie is 92 minutes. There was really no reason for this movie to be as rushed as it was. Secondly, and this may sound kinda dumb 'cause it's basically the fundamental definition of a story, but the entire movie is basically one event after another. It's either the result of, or, the cause of the rushedness that brings the movie down a bit. There's no downtime, no in-between points, it's just all one specific event after another. Alright, that sounded better in my head. Third, it's full of adventure clichés, but this is to be expected, and I won't go into them as doing that would almost be cliché in itself at this point. Also, there's the issue of the little blue bird. While underground, the explorers stumble upon some bio-luminescent birds, and one even helps Sean get out of a few binds. It's like something from the "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious." My last negative comment is the fact that while bad things occur quite often in this movie, they don't occur until it's... "okay" for them to occur, like in Looney Tunes when Wile E. Coyote runs off a cliff and doesn't begin to fall until he realizes he's standing in mid-air. All of these things detract from the quality of the movie, but somehow Journey to the Center of the Earth emerged with a bit of dignity left.
It's wasn't amazing, but I have to admit that this movie kept me at least 85% entertained. They filmmakers played it smart by not having the movie be a complete film adaptation of the book, but rather using the book as a reference. The movie alludes to "Vernians," people who believe that Jules Verne was actually writing truths instead of stories, and that scientists have just not figured out how to make his books a reality yet. This concept was one of the things in the movie that kept my interest, and putting it in was definitely a good move as it provides some mysteriousness, and who doesn't like a good cult story, right? Another aspect that kept me interested in the movie was the beautiful views, fake as they may be. Some of the places they go just look fantastic.
Journey to the Center of the Earth is a great movie for kids and adults. Not necessarily teens, but if you're not too closed-minded, give it a try. For younger kids, it's at least a good source of inspiration and science-fiction since most children aren't big on Verne, and may even inspire them to pick up a book or two. Aside from all the super-unrealistic stuff, this movie was entertaining. Brendan Fraser fans will have no problem accepting this movie, and Jules Verne fans probably won't find it too bad, either.
4/7
It was a bit strange to see Brendan Fraser in two movies around released around the same time after he hadn't been in anything in recent memory, but it was kind of a nice surprise. I know most people think he's a cheesy faux-action hero, but when he does movies like these, I think he sees himself as that, too, which makes it bearable. Besides, if you're gonna go see a movie where the main character's dialogue mostly consists of one-liners in response to set-up questions yelled at the top of his lungs due to the extreme direness of every situation they're in, it might as well be a Brendan Fraser movie. At least he's good at yelling. And those one-liners are almost excusable coming from him.
Anyway, Journey to the Center of the Earth revolves around Trevor Anderson (Fraser), a down-on-his-luck university volcanologist still grieving the death of his brother Max, ten years prior. He goes in to work one day to get down to business only to find his boss ready to shut down his brother's lab. On top of that, he gets home only to realize that his nephew, Sean (Josh Hutcherson), is coming to visit, and Trevor's house is a mess. After finding some notes in a Jules Verne book of Max's (guess which one...), Trevor is compelled to travel to Iceland and find a man named Asgeirsson, another volcanologist, which is the catalyst for the resulting adventure. I don't wanna spill all the beans here, keep a few beans to myself just in case readers (HA! Like we have any) don't want no spoilers.
There are a lot of negative things I could list about this movie... so I guess I will. First of all, it felt very rushed. Normally for a movie of this adventurous magnitude to be rushed wouldn't be that big of a deal, but that's only because most movies like that tend to be long enough already. This movie is 92 minutes. There was really no reason for this movie to be as rushed as it was. Secondly, and this may sound kinda dumb 'cause it's basically the fundamental definition of a story, but the entire movie is basically one event after another. It's either the result of, or, the cause of the rushedness that brings the movie down a bit. There's no downtime, no in-between points, it's just all one specific event after another. Alright, that sounded better in my head. Third, it's full of adventure clichés, but this is to be expected, and I won't go into them as doing that would almost be cliché in itself at this point. Also, there's the issue of the little blue bird. While underground, the explorers stumble upon some bio-luminescent birds, and one even helps Sean get out of a few binds. It's like something from the "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious." My last negative comment is the fact that while bad things occur quite often in this movie, they don't occur until it's... "okay" for them to occur, like in Looney Tunes when Wile E. Coyote runs off a cliff and doesn't begin to fall until he realizes he's standing in mid-air. All of these things detract from the quality of the movie, but somehow Journey to the Center of the Earth emerged with a bit of dignity left.
It's wasn't amazing, but I have to admit that this movie kept me at least 85% entertained. They filmmakers played it smart by not having the movie be a complete film adaptation of the book, but rather using the book as a reference. The movie alludes to "Vernians," people who believe that Jules Verne was actually writing truths instead of stories, and that scientists have just not figured out how to make his books a reality yet. This concept was one of the things in the movie that kept my interest, and putting it in was definitely a good move as it provides some mysteriousness, and who doesn't like a good cult story, right? Another aspect that kept me interested in the movie was the beautiful views, fake as they may be. Some of the places they go just look fantastic.
Journey to the Center of the Earth is a great movie for kids and adults. Not necessarily teens, but if you're not too closed-minded, give it a try. For younger kids, it's at least a good source of inspiration and science-fiction since most children aren't big on Verne, and may even inspire them to pick up a book or two. Aside from all the super-unrealistic stuff, this movie was entertaining. Brendan Fraser fans will have no problem accepting this movie, and Jules Verne fans probably won't find it too bad, either.
4/7
8.04.2008
Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! (S03E02)
Tim and Eric season 3 returns for another episode, aptly titled "Chan." This week's episode starts out with Channel 5 honoring 100 years of Jackie Chan! They have a few people (including Jan and Wayne Skylar) tell Jackie how much they appreciate him and all his moves, and then David Liebe Hart injects his wisdom on the matter: "I wanna thank Jackie Chan for being a wonderful performer, and been a great assex (sic) to the entertainment business." Well spoken, Mr. Hart.
"Chan" has a subplot that is shown interspersed with the rest of the usual Tim and Eric type clips. It details the adulterous relationship between Tim and Eric's wife after Eric leaves for work, narrated by a random black fella singing R&B. As soon as Eric splits, a bikini'd Tim, padawan pony tail included, jumps out of the bushes and eagerly makes his way to Eric's wife's room upon her enticement.
We'll get back to that a little bit later, because now it's time for "It's Not Jackie Chan!" Cinco's new, award-winning board game, where you have to answer questions about anything and everything that isn't Jackie Chan. The "Tiny Hats" crew plus two females all sit around a table playing this fantastic new board game. The category: arts and entertainment. And it's not Jackie Chan! You'll have to watch to find out the answer to that question. I know I'd love to play It's Not Jackie Chan.
After a rousing game, we join Tim and Eric on the set of their TV show, Zits, airing on Channel 5 of course. They show photos of their zits taken during their comedy show, bragging about how big they get, whether they're pickers or poppers, etc. This part wasn't that funny, aside from the way Eric says yes to all the conditions Tim listed, as well as Eric's cookie comment.
Back at Eric's house, he calls back a few minutes after leaving because he forgot his driving hat, a reasonable concern, so he returns to the house. Upon arriving, he pulls out a hilarious telescope and views Tim makin' it with his woman. So, disheartened, he drives away.
After that, Will Forte takes on the role of Will Grello in "Quilting With Will." This piece was brilliant, Will Forte does a few things in it that build upon the usual Tim and Eric formula to transcend the usual level of funniness. I really don't want to spoil anything for anyone, just trust me that this is by far the best part of this episode, second only to the next section, the return of Steve Mahanahan! I was so happy to see his Child Clowns back on TV. He shows a very informational video called "Getting the Most Out Of Your Child Clown Rental," in which he explains how to coax your child clown out of its cage, what feed your child clown (Wetfood Logs?), and how to get your child clown to keep working when he's tired and trying to sleep. Now, to the conclusion of the Sexual Romance!
The next day when he leaves for work and Tim heads up to the wife's room, expecting the woman sitting on the bed to be his partner in this Sexual Romance, she turns around to reveal that it's Eric, waiting for Tim with a gun. Tim looks back in shock and sees Eric's wife laying dead on the ground. He proceeds to shoot him in the testicles, and just keeps on shooting til he's dead. Eric calls 911, takes off his wig, and declares "Hello, 911? This sexual romance is over." He walks into the doorway, strikes a pose, and disappears. Fin.
Overall, this episode wasn't the best. That said, it had moments that were much funnier than some of their funniest moments, mainly from Will Forte and Steve Mahanahan. I hate to give it the same score as last week, but they haven't brought their A-Game yet. Can't wait for next week, though.
4/7
"Chan" has a subplot that is shown interspersed with the rest of the usual Tim and Eric type clips. It details the adulterous relationship between Tim and Eric's wife after Eric leaves for work, narrated by a random black fella singing R&B. As soon as Eric splits, a bikini'd Tim, padawan pony tail included, jumps out of the bushes and eagerly makes his way to Eric's wife's room upon her enticement.
We'll get back to that a little bit later, because now it's time for "It's Not Jackie Chan!" Cinco's new, award-winning board game, where you have to answer questions about anything and everything that isn't Jackie Chan. The "Tiny Hats" crew plus two females all sit around a table playing this fantastic new board game. The category: arts and entertainment. And it's not Jackie Chan! You'll have to watch to find out the answer to that question. I know I'd love to play It's Not Jackie Chan.
After a rousing game, we join Tim and Eric on the set of their TV show, Zits, airing on Channel 5 of course. They show photos of their zits taken during their comedy show, bragging about how big they get, whether they're pickers or poppers, etc. This part wasn't that funny, aside from the way Eric says yes to all the conditions Tim listed, as well as Eric's cookie comment.
Back at Eric's house, he calls back a few minutes after leaving because he forgot his driving hat, a reasonable concern, so he returns to the house. Upon arriving, he pulls out a hilarious telescope and views Tim makin' it with his woman. So, disheartened, he drives away.
After that, Will Forte takes on the role of Will Grello in "Quilting With Will." This piece was brilliant, Will Forte does a few things in it that build upon the usual Tim and Eric formula to transcend the usual level of funniness. I really don't want to spoil anything for anyone, just trust me that this is by far the best part of this episode, second only to the next section, the return of Steve Mahanahan! I was so happy to see his Child Clowns back on TV. He shows a very informational video called "Getting the Most Out Of Your Child Clown Rental," in which he explains how to coax your child clown out of its cage, what feed your child clown (Wetfood Logs?), and how to get your child clown to keep working when he's tired and trying to sleep. Now, to the conclusion of the Sexual Romance!
The next day when he leaves for work and Tim heads up to the wife's room, expecting the woman sitting on the bed to be his partner in this Sexual Romance, she turns around to reveal that it's Eric, waiting for Tim with a gun. Tim looks back in shock and sees Eric's wife laying dead on the ground. He proceeds to shoot him in the testicles, and just keeps on shooting til he's dead. Eric calls 911, takes off his wig, and declares "Hello, 911? This sexual romance is over." He walks into the doorway, strikes a pose, and disappears. Fin.
Overall, this episode wasn't the best. That said, it had moments that were much funnier than some of their funniest moments, mainly from Will Forte and Steve Mahanahan. I hate to give it the same score as last week, but they haven't brought their A-Game yet. Can't wait for next week, though.
4/7
Randy Newman - Harps and Angels
Most people my age might not know who Randy Newman is; I'd be willing to bet that the majority who do know him would sing a quick line from "You've Got a Friend In Me." Obviously, that song's fantastic. But that's not all this man's done. His career stretches decades, and he just released his first new album in almost ten years, Harps and Angels. It's a 10 song collection of Newman's newest material, seven new songs, and three previously heard songs that have been rerecorded. While "You've Got a Friend In Me" will far from summarize his career, it may go farther than I thought to demonstrate his style.
Randy Newman is a piano player, but he's also a composer, a singer, and a lyricist. And as far as I can tell, he's very good at each of those roles. Alright, maybe he's not the best singer, but he can carry a tune. That bluesy swing that "You've Got a Friend In Me" caught me so off-guard with as a child may be the defining note to Randy Newman. It's his style - bluesy piano, with lush backing instrumentation, (strings, horns, guitar, harps, woodwinds, voices, etc) while he conversationally and casually talks you through each song. I can definitely appreciate that in an age where screaming is the new singing. His narrative lyrical style as as big a part of his formula as his music. His music harkens back to an earlier time when it sounded fun, even if the song wasn't necessarily happy. It almost has a ragtime feel to it, which would make sense, considering he scored a movie entitled "Ragtime." Sure, some of the songs start to sound the same, but they're far removed from the world of music today, which is refreshing. Newman's lyrics and music are surprisingly personal, too, which makes the experience more interesting.
In the opening song, "Harps and Angels," Newman tells a story about his experience with the Epstein-Barr virus, which, according to the title and content of the song, must've done a number on him. At the end of the song, he declares "There really is an afterlife, I hope to see all of you there." The obligatory patriotic country song is there in full force, in the form of "A Few Words In Defense of Our Country," where Newman calls America an empire, falling just like the ones before it. A bit of a scary thing to think about. Interestingly, he had the lyrics to this song (being one of the previously heard three) published as an op-ed piece in the New York Times. "Easy Street" is a relaxing song that progresses at the pace of a slow walk down, well, an easy street. "Korean Parents" is a wonderfully stereotypically asian song, apparently about how much better off we'd all be if we all had Korean parents, because "they'll be strict but they'll be fair." "Only a Girl" finds him singing the praises of a young girl who has a lot going for her, works a few jobs, volunteers, and "will eat you alive." As the song draws near an end, he declares he loves her to a friend over the phone. By the end of the song, he comes to a realization: "Why would someone youthful as she love someone old like me? Maybe it's the money... ," and the song ends on a humorous note. "Potholes" finds Newman romping through old memories, starting out saying "God bless the potholes down on memory lane," but ending up declaring "Hope some real big ones open up, take some of the memories that do remain."
Listening to Harps and Angels, one thing is abundantly clear: Randy Newman has personality to spare. It's rare for a person's personality to shine through in their music to this extent, but I think Newman's music has sort of intertwined with his very being, becoming as much a part of him as Batman is to Bruce Wayne. It's fascinating to listen to Newman's lyrical style because it's so different from what I'm used to hearing. This seems like a deeply personal album for Newman, which only pulls me further into the music. The way he tells his stories - he's so good at it that you begin to feel his lyrics and the music begin to entrap you in a sort of snow-globe, words and emotions swirling all around you. There may not be excess of "You've Got a Friend In Me" catchy moments on this cd, but it's definitely a solid collection of songs that warrants a few listens.
4/7
Randy Newman is a piano player, but he's also a composer, a singer, and a lyricist. And as far as I can tell, he's very good at each of those roles. Alright, maybe he's not the best singer, but he can carry a tune. That bluesy swing that "You've Got a Friend In Me" caught me so off-guard with as a child may be the defining note to Randy Newman. It's his style - bluesy piano, with lush backing instrumentation, (strings, horns, guitar, harps, woodwinds, voices, etc) while he conversationally and casually talks you through each song. I can definitely appreciate that in an age where screaming is the new singing. His narrative lyrical style as as big a part of his formula as his music. His music harkens back to an earlier time when it sounded fun, even if the song wasn't necessarily happy. It almost has a ragtime feel to it, which would make sense, considering he scored a movie entitled "Ragtime." Sure, some of the songs start to sound the same, but they're far removed from the world of music today, which is refreshing. Newman's lyrics and music are surprisingly personal, too, which makes the experience more interesting.
In the opening song, "Harps and Angels," Newman tells a story about his experience with the Epstein-Barr virus, which, according to the title and content of the song, must've done a number on him. At the end of the song, he declares "There really is an afterlife, I hope to see all of you there." The obligatory patriotic country song is there in full force, in the form of "A Few Words In Defense of Our Country," where Newman calls America an empire, falling just like the ones before it. A bit of a scary thing to think about. Interestingly, he had the lyrics to this song (being one of the previously heard three) published as an op-ed piece in the New York Times. "Easy Street" is a relaxing song that progresses at the pace of a slow walk down, well, an easy street. "Korean Parents" is a wonderfully stereotypically asian song, apparently about how much better off we'd all be if we all had Korean parents, because "they'll be strict but they'll be fair." "Only a Girl" finds him singing the praises of a young girl who has a lot going for her, works a few jobs, volunteers, and "will eat you alive." As the song draws near an end, he declares he loves her to a friend over the phone. By the end of the song, he comes to a realization: "Why would someone youthful as she love someone old like me? Maybe it's the money... ," and the song ends on a humorous note. "Potholes" finds Newman romping through old memories, starting out saying "God bless the potholes down on memory lane," but ending up declaring "Hope some real big ones open up, take some of the memories that do remain."
Listening to Harps and Angels, one thing is abundantly clear: Randy Newman has personality to spare. It's rare for a person's personality to shine through in their music to this extent, but I think Newman's music has sort of intertwined with his very being, becoming as much a part of him as Batman is to Bruce Wayne. It's fascinating to listen to Newman's lyrical style because it's so different from what I'm used to hearing. This seems like a deeply personal album for Newman, which only pulls me further into the music. The way he tells his stories - he's so good at it that you begin to feel his lyrics and the music begin to entrap you in a sort of snow-globe, words and emotions swirling all around you. There may not be excess of "You've Got a Friend In Me" catchy moments on this cd, but it's definitely a solid collection of songs that warrants a few listens.
4/7
8.01.2008
We Play Stuff
Elite Corps Jungle
http://www.flash-game.net/game/3243/elite-corps-jungle.html
Elite Corps Jungle is a game that resembles the Contra series from so long ago. The story says that a meteorite fell into a jungle one day, but because of everything else that was going on at the time, no one paid any attention to it. A few years later, there were some disturbances in the jungle, so the government sent a team out to check it out. After some terrible (unnamed) things happening, only two people live to make it to the jungle. These are your two character options, "Thug," and "Kate," which may or may not be an awesome Lost reference.
To play, you use either WASD or the arrows to move; W or up moves you into the background to dodge bullets, and S or down makes you duck, which accomplishes the same thing. Use Z/Shift to shoot, and Space to jump. You run through the levels shooting the people that are trying to shoot you, collecting health and items along the way. As you move through the levels, the enemies start shooting faster, and some of them can even throw grenades at you, which makes it kinda difficult to stand still. This game isn't very fun and gets old pretty quickly. Pretty quickly as in after one level. You have to stop moving in order to shoot, which is a disadvantage, although the enemies stand still when shooting also. The controls are iffy. The music sounds cool at first, but it's a short loop and gets repetitive really fast. The graphics are decent for a flash game and also resemble Contra. You probably shouldn't waste your time on this one.
2/5
Amorphous+
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/450670
Ever wanted to slash through balls of goop with a giant sword? Ever wanted that sword to be aptly named the Splatmaster3000? Well, you're in luck, because New Grounds brings those options right to your computer screen. Better suited for a mouse than a trackpad, Amorphous+ finds you wielding said sword in order to slice the fiendish Glooples, which are multicolored and multitalented amorphous blobs. No story, no plot. They swarm in at you from all sides and you have to cut them down before they get you. Different colored Glooples have different abilities:
- Green Glooples are default Glooples. They just roll around and run into you once in a while.
- Yellow Glooples do the same as green ones, but when killed they leave a puddle of yellow goo that can slow either you or other Glooples down upon touching it.
- Red Glooples do the same as yellow ones, but the puddle they leave is acidic, and will melt you or other Glooples if you walk in it.
- Blue Glooples launch at you and try to bite you.
- Purple Glooples shoot purple goo balls at you.
That's basically it for gameplay. Your character moves where your cursor does, and you click to swing the Splatmaster3000. The game has different modes: Single Nest, where you invade a Gloople nest (small, medium, or large) and try to kill a set number of them before you die, as well as Bounty Run, where you just fight infinite Glooples in an attempt to get a high score. Bestiary lets you review the different types of Glooples you've encountered thus far, and there's also a practice mode. I realize I've said Gloople way too many times in this review, but it's kind of a funny word. The game lets you choose from a good amount of songs (most of which actually sound good) at any point in the game by pressing the N button, which is nice. Pressing M will display the name of the current song, too. Something unique about this game is the fact that it has an award system very reminiscent of Xbox 360's Achievement system. In fact, it makes the Achievement noise when you get one. The awards vary from just killing a few Glooples, to killing them in a specific way, and even changing the song a bunch of times really quickly ("Picky"). Amorphous+ is well made, simplistic though it may be, and though it's not addictingly fun, it will certain kill some time for ya.
4/5
http://www.flash-game.net/game/3243/elite-corps-jungle.html
Elite Corps Jungle is a game that resembles the Contra series from so long ago. The story says that a meteorite fell into a jungle one day, but because of everything else that was going on at the time, no one paid any attention to it. A few years later, there were some disturbances in the jungle, so the government sent a team out to check it out. After some terrible (unnamed) things happening, only two people live to make it to the jungle. These are your two character options, "Thug," and "Kate," which may or may not be an awesome Lost reference.
To play, you use either WASD or the arrows to move; W or up moves you into the background to dodge bullets, and S or down makes you duck, which accomplishes the same thing. Use Z/Shift to shoot, and Space to jump. You run through the levels shooting the people that are trying to shoot you, collecting health and items along the way. As you move through the levels, the enemies start shooting faster, and some of them can even throw grenades at you, which makes it kinda difficult to stand still. This game isn't very fun and gets old pretty quickly. Pretty quickly as in after one level. You have to stop moving in order to shoot, which is a disadvantage, although the enemies stand still when shooting also. The controls are iffy. The music sounds cool at first, but it's a short loop and gets repetitive really fast. The graphics are decent for a flash game and also resemble Contra. You probably shouldn't waste your time on this one.
2/5
Amorphous+
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/450670
Ever wanted to slash through balls of goop with a giant sword? Ever wanted that sword to be aptly named the Splatmaster3000? Well, you're in luck, because New Grounds brings those options right to your computer screen. Better suited for a mouse than a trackpad, Amorphous+ finds you wielding said sword in order to slice the fiendish Glooples, which are multicolored and multitalented amorphous blobs. No story, no plot. They swarm in at you from all sides and you have to cut them down before they get you. Different colored Glooples have different abilities:
- Green Glooples are default Glooples. They just roll around and run into you once in a while.
- Yellow Glooples do the same as green ones, but when killed they leave a puddle of yellow goo that can slow either you or other Glooples down upon touching it.
- Red Glooples do the same as yellow ones, but the puddle they leave is acidic, and will melt you or other Glooples if you walk in it.
- Blue Glooples launch at you and try to bite you.
- Purple Glooples shoot purple goo balls at you.
That's basically it for gameplay. Your character moves where your cursor does, and you click to swing the Splatmaster3000. The game has different modes: Single Nest, where you invade a Gloople nest (small, medium, or large) and try to kill a set number of them before you die, as well as Bounty Run, where you just fight infinite Glooples in an attempt to get a high score. Bestiary lets you review the different types of Glooples you've encountered thus far, and there's also a practice mode. I realize I've said Gloople way too many times in this review, but it's kind of a funny word. The game lets you choose from a good amount of songs (most of which actually sound good) at any point in the game by pressing the N button, which is nice. Pressing M will display the name of the current song, too. Something unique about this game is the fact that it has an award system very reminiscent of Xbox 360's Achievement system. In fact, it makes the Achievement noise when you get one. The awards vary from just killing a few Glooples, to killing them in a specific way, and even changing the song a bunch of times really quickly ("Picky"). Amorphous+ is well made, simplistic though it may be, and though it's not addictingly fun, it will certain kill some time for ya.
4/5
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