We Rate Stuff

9.02.2008

The Big Lebowski

The Big Lebowski is a film about crime, corruption, and Creedence. Starring Jeff Bridges as "The Dude," aka Jeffrey Lebowski, he is thrown through an absurdly funny series of events, all sparked by a man urinating on his rug. Which normally wouldn't be that big of a deal, but, that rug really tied the room together, man.

The Dude is quite a laid back fella. Known for lightin' up a roach or two from time to time, drinking White Russians, and most importantly, being an avid bowler, one wouldn't normally expect a guy of this caliber to go on a journey through the various underworlds of Los Angeles, and that's part of the reason this movie is hilarious and amazing. Joined by Walter Sobchak (John Goodman), a Vietnam Vet who seems to see everything through the eyes of war, and Donny (Steve Buscemi), a simple man who loved bowling, the ridiculous happenings that these men go through will leave you in tears.

Like I said before, everything that happens in this movie is due to The Dude's favorite rug being peed on by somebody who thinks he's a rich man, a man that owes people money "all over town." The Dude then goes to find the rich man, who is also named Jeffrey Lebowski (thereby fulfilling the role of the "Big Lebowski"), for compensation. After an entertaining conversation, which can be summed up with the phrase "the bums will always lose!", The Dude goes home, but only after meeting The Big Lebowski's wife, Bunny. A while later he's summoned by Brandt (Philip Seymour Hoffman), Jeffrey Lebowski's male-servant. It is explained to The Dude that Bunny has been kidnapped, and the big Lebowski wants The Dude to make the money handoff. So he agrees for some reason, and decides to bring Walter with him. Walter proceeds to ruin the deal by throwing the kidnappers his dirty undies, "the whites", if you will. Without giving away too much, before the whole mess is over The Dude has to deal with a corrupt porn mogul, nihilists, Jeffrey Lebowski's hyper-feminist daughter (Julianne Moore), and so much more.

The Big Lebowski didn't do too great at the box office, but it's since grown into one of the most beloved cult films of all time, with DVD sales far exceeding what it made in theaters. Hell, there's even an annual party held in honor of The Big Lebowski, called Lebowski Fest. Though the original is held in the same city every year, other cities have adopted it and have their own festivals, too. Also, the creators of the festival encourage us to hold our own little Lebowski Fests, so feel free to go all out. Information about Lebowski Fest can be found here. This movie has spawned many catchphrases, some of which you've probably heard: "Fuck it, dude. Let's go bowling," or the classic "Shut the fuck up, Donny!" That's just naming a few. True Lebowski fans will consider pretty much any line in that movie a catchphrase. I would give this movie a 19 out of 7 if it was possible, so I'd definitely say you should check it out. But even if you don't, If you take anything from this review, make it the comforting, applicable words of The Stranger, a cowboy-narrator played by Sam Elliott: "The Dude abides."

1000/7

9.01.2008

Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! (S03E05)

Tim and Eric season 3 episode 5 starts with an ad for a new energy drink, called "Turbo Fuel Maximum Energy Soda!" According to them, all you have to do is 1. Suck, 2. Swallow, and 3. Release, accompanied by some long-haired guy pouring excessive amounts of drink into his mouth, swallowing, and regurgitating it back up on the Release step. After that pleasant demonstration, we find that the usual intro of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job is replaced by a severely trendier, mainstream version of the show, starring Tim (Heckler) and Derrick (Whippler), their lamer, tamer, super-bro alter-egos. They give us a sneak peak of what's to come, and off we go.

The first sketch is an intentionally terrible one, consisting of Jim and Derrick arguing about the $20 that Derrick owes Jim. First, Derrick says he thought Jim said Bunny instead of money, and some dude in a bunny suit hops out of a telephone booth. Then he thinks he says Honey, and that bunny turns into a bee, suckin' down his own product, followed by Jim declaring "Yo, this is whack." We then see a montage of Jim and Derrick striking poses while the words "Comedy, LOL, Sketch, Funny, HaHa, and Random" are superimposed on the screen. After all that, Jim and Derrick return to the screen to let us know that "Yo, you got sketched!"

Following this, Jim takes us on a "World-Class Tour" of one of his favorite bong shops, letting us know that he might even pick one up for himself. He questions the Latina employee about bong sizes, and "how much you can use" in the small ones, and after some serious delineation, Jim buys a clear bong with a frog on it for himself, and a small blue bong for Derrick, as well as picking up some Turbo Fuel for the chug contest later in the show. Jim walks out and informs us that "You've been bonged! Time to party." and walks away.

Back in Jim and Derrick headquarters, they argue a bit about who is gonna win the chug contest, and inform us to text "DerrickWhippleIsGonnaWinTheChug8452" to 8910255550199 if you think Derrick is gonna win, or send "JimHecklerIsTheWinnerOfTheChugContestForSure5672" if you are of the belief that Jim will win it.

Guest-star time! We're taken to a concert where a guy is holding his girlfriend, dancing, while his friend comes up yelling "Tony!" holding two Turbo-Fuels. Surprise! The guy is none other than John Mayer. Tony responds, "I can't man, my hands are all tied up." The announcer asks "Don't you wish you could spoon your girlfriend, AND be cool with your bros?" He informs us that we can, now thanks to the GF Spooner from Stinko, a set of prosthetic arms with which to hold your girlfriend! We see "Tony" spooning his girl and drinking a Turbo-Fuel at the same time, as well as hitting a pipe. Wow, that GF Spooner sure helps!

Next, Derrick Whipple takes us skating at the Turbo-Fuel Maximum Energy Soda Skatepark. He watches the skaters pull some sick moves, like the "Crete Shred" and the "Parents Suck!" as well as doing some of his own tricks, like the "Tripple Whipple" and "Solid Bros." After telling us that this clip was brought to us by a Turbo Mini, Derrick informs us that "You've just been boarded."

Next we find Jim and Derrick In The Zone with Elisha Cuthbert, where they display a bunch of idiocy in questioning Elisha Cuthbert for like 45 seconds in an entirely unproductive interview. Then, it's time for the Vista Fresh Mobile Viral Clip of the Week! In this parody of David Liebe Hart, Bradley Needlehead sings a song with a puppet about how crazy and unusual he is.

That's not the whole episode, but I figure the more I say here, the less funny it is if you actually see it. This week's episode is one to check out, as it was definitely funnier than most so far this season. The whole episode pretty much parodies white guys with an extreme sports edge to them. John Mayer is a great guest star in his little part, and Elisha Cuthbert is... Elisha Cuthbert.


6/7

8.24.2008

Bush's Grillin' Beans - Steakhouse

Beans, in my opinion, are indeed a magical fruit. And normally, nobody is as fruity as the Bush Brothers and Co. bean company, or as you'd more likely know it, Bush's Beans. You know, the guy with the Golden Retriever in the commercials? Duke? That dog's crazy, always trying to sell the heavily-guarded family recipe. It seems that I can't blame him in this instance, though; Bush's Grillin' beans are certainly nothing to write home about.

Bush's beans have accompanied many a-party throughout my lifetime, whether it's a birthday, cook-out, graduation, holiday, etc. Bush's beans are usually fantastic. That's why it's disappointing that an idea like Grillin' beans, combining two of the most amazing concepts in American history, grilling and beans, fails to impress. Just thinking about the flavors they could've pioneered is enough to make me dump this bowl in the trash.

First of all, they taste too brown. There's a severely overriding flavor of molasses, which is kind of bitter and very strong. It drowns out most of the other flavors, which is quite counter-productive in a can o' beans. Secondly, when I was successful in fighting off the molasses flavor in an attempt to grasp some of the other more subtle nuances, what I found was strangely familiar: it tasted much like any other can of Bush's beans, which I guess shouldn't be too surprising. But it is certainly disappointing. The only discernible flavor I could make out was a very weak hint of barbecue. I can't imagine these beans doing a better job of complimenting anything grilled than any other type of Bush's beans. In fact, I probably wouldn't want to eat these even on their own, and maybe accompanying them with some food would make them a bit better. They're far too rich and dark on their own. In fact, maybe dark is a good way to put it. A good analogy for it, I think, is beer. Imagine Bush's baked beans as your choice of light beer, like a Heineken or something, where Bush's Baked beans are to Heineken as their Grillin' beans are to Guinness, or something equally dark and rich. If you're cool with that, by all means, grab some Grillin' beans. As far as the "Steakhouse" label, I can't taste any connection to anything having to do with steak.

In essence, Bush's Grillin' beans are too much, and not enough at the same time. They're distinctly more masculine, and the only demographics I could see eating this more than once are cowboys and Golden Retrievers. These beans are definitely not what I expected, and I don't think Grillin' was the right choice of word under which to market these.

3/7

Triscuit Thin Crisps - Parmesan Garlic

Normally, I wouldn't go out of my way to review a specific type of cracker (although judging by this type, maybe I should), but I was basically shocked into reviewing Triscuit's new Thin Crisps of the Parmesan Garlic variety. If you're wondering how it's possible to be shocked by a cracker, you're probably no fun, so I'll explain.

I like Parmesan cheese. A lot. Naturally, Parmesan-flavored items capture my interest. Unnaturally, I am almost always let down by the fakeness of said Parmesan flavor. I have very seldom recollections of being impressed by a Parmesan-flavored food, and the only one that really comes to mind is Buffalo Wild Wings' "Parmesan Garlic" sauce.

Heavenly sauces aside, like I said, most people fail when it comes to imbuing something with that fantastic Parmesan cheesiness. This pattern of failure leads right up to the moment in which I first bit into a Parmesan Garlic Thin Crisp, effectively shocking me into reviewing it, because my mouth couldn't believe what it beheld. I can honestly say this is the first snack to ACCURATELY capture the flavor of Parmesan cheese, as well as a hint of garlic. Not only that, but the two flavors accent the natural Triscuit-wheat flavor so perfectly that it's almost hard to comprehend.

These things taste so fresh that it actually makes me want to eat a salad, and there's nothing I hate more on this Earth than lettuce. They're super addicting, which, for once, isn't a bad thing; they "may help reduce the risk of heart disease," and even if they don't, they're certainly not unhealthy, being composed of whole grain wheat. Do yourself a favor and crack open a box and see where it takes you.

7/7

8.19.2008

Shwayze

Cisco Adler... I knew that name rang a bell when I set out to review the Shwayze cd, aptly entitled "Shwayze." Apparently he was in a band called Whitestarr, but I know him from his infamous nude photo that's been floating around the internet for over a year now. I can't believe that guy makes music. Anyway, Shwayze came out today, and it's pretty much everything you would expect from a guy who hangs out with Paris Hilton, Mischa Barton, and other useless Hollywoodians.

Shwayze is a duo consisting of Cisco Adler and Shwayze himself. Their music sounds like a dumbed-down Jack Johnson ventured into hip-hop, and gave up all his money to live on a beach and harass girls walking by. The beats are typically lazy, uninspired, and consist of like... three acoustic guitar chords played behind a mind-numbingly normal hip-hop beat. It's mostly all mellow stuff, the kind of music you'd undoubtedly hear at a beach party in New Jersey. Cisco Adler tends to sing the choruses, while Shwayze lays down the rhymes in the verses. The choruses in these songs (again, almost all sung by Cisco Adler) are indescribably and unbelievably consistent: lyrically, musically, and idealistically STUPID. They sound terrible, the lyrics are terrible, and the music is seemingly completely devoid of thought. Not only that, but half the time Shwayze comes with lame ass rhymes that sound juvenile and don't flow well. Most of the songs sound the same, too.

For a good example of the pace, style, and feel of the album, just listen to the song "Corona and Lime." The rhymes are awful: "Girls in the hills go day-trippin, to get their nails done, and hair straightened," "Girls from Detroit like electro, and dance all night 'til they break their neck, yo." Then there's the chorus: "Baby will you by my Corona and Lime, and I will be your main squeeze. And if your brother don't like my stye, we can take it to the street, we can take it to the street." Let's look at that a little closer. First of all, how classy do you have to be to ask a girl if she'll be your Corona and Lime? Second, I can't think of a better way to get a girl to like you than fighting her brother in the street cause he doesn't like your style. The only thing I had to look forward to on this album was the song featuring Dave Navarro, who I've never been much of a fan of in the first place, so that's not saying much. The song with him in it is totally disappointing, not only cause it's Shwayze, but Navarro's guitar is cliché rap guitar, and the choruses are too loud and distorted and obnoxious.

In short, Shwayze is another pathetic, MTV-manufactured artist, most likely around only to make money, especially when you consider the fact that Shwayze and Cisco are getting their own reality show on MTV about making this album. I'm considering taking a bat to my TV just to avoid it. Shwayze isn't particularly good at rapping, and Adler should definitely stick to being a testicle model. The music is misogynistic and trashy, which means the females will probably take a particular liking to Shwayze, and you'll probably see the clubs becoming more populated with stoned bros and surfer guys once this becomes more widespread. Sounds like a bright future, indeed.

2/7

8.16.2008

Disturbia

Here's a fantastic little review by my fantastic little cousin, Stephanie:


Disturbia is an action-packed movie about a teenager named Kale (Shia

Lebouf ) that gets put under house arrest because of popping his teacher

in the face after a remark about his father. In the movie Kale discovers a

teenager next door that moved in named Ashley that he ends up falling in

love with. With the help of his friend Ronnie and his neighbor Ashley the

three find out that Kale's other neighbor Turner is a murderer of young

women by spying while Kale was under house arrest. By lots of work and

help they end up killing Turner with a hedge trimers and catching him.

Miro

Ever wanted to watch TV... on your computer? Well, not exactly TV, but possibly a superior (in some ways, at the very least) alternative to it. Meet Miro, soon to be your new best friend.

Miro is what is known as a "podcatcher," meaning that it works as a sort of RSS feed for videos. Said videos can be downloaded from what Miro calls "channels," which are created by people, artists, companies, TV channels, etc. These channels contain the videos that they, whoever they is, upload for your viewing pleasure. Miro allows you to subscribe to these channels, allowing you to browse through tons of videos with ease. Once a channel is added, a user can choose to have all of the videos from the channel auto-download, only new videos (new videos being ones that are added after subscribing) auto-download, or turn auto-downloading off, allowing you to pick and choose which to get. With almost 5,000 channels to choose from, the possibilities are nearly endless already, and as this is an up-and-coming app, I can only imagine that number will only increase.

Hell, just browsing through the channels in itself is fun. There is an enormous variety of channels likely to satiate any user, ranging from National Geographic to TED Talks, HBO stand-up comedy to Comedy Central stand-up comedy, weekly Digg videos to The Onion; there's even a High Times channel, if you're into that. Today's featured channels are "Citizen Engineer," (an online video series about open source hardware, electronics, art and hacking), a series about astronauts' last return to the Hubble telescope, and Ronald Jenkees' LINK own channel, to name a few. There are also educational channels, like Photography 101 and Web Design, for instance. So variety is a non-issue.

After downloading and watching a video, it will "expire" after a certain amount of days (which you can set manually), unless you choose to keep 'em, in which case the "Keep" button will do you right. Miro plays a huge variety of video filetypes, so don't be scared to use it as a media player, as well. It's simple to upload your media collection, as it prompts you when you install it, and you can also choose folders to watch. Miro has a robust search engine built into it, allowing you to search Miro channels, Youtube, Veoh, Google Video, and a few others that are a bit more obscure, but I'm sure will make a good amount of people happy.

The interface is about as simple as it gets, listing your subscribed channels on the left side, as well as the Miro guide, video search, library, new videos, and downloading videos. Speaking of downloading videos, it works a lot like BitTorrent; you can set the amount of downloading videos at once, pause them, etc. You can also use Miro as a torrent client, as well. So all in all, Miro pretty much does everything. Might even cook ya some breakfast, if you're nice to it. And since it spans Windows, Mac, and Linux, nobody gets left out of the party! Do yourself a favor and download this free application at once. You'll find yourself considerably less bored.

7/7